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The saying, “nearly cannot kill a bird” has remained true all through time. One might put in all the effort to win a game and still lose. Several people who claimed to be committed to a romantic relationship, have seen the love affair fail the test of time. Some men and women may have been have engaged, yet they did not marry. Most people could also co-habit for a long time, yet the wedding bell would not ring.
We heard some ladies blindfolded by fake love ladies say things like “I stay at his place. They are fond of me and see me as their wife.” Sister, you are still single and not married. For starters, staying at his place and catching cruise is not a marriage certificate, neither is it an enlarged photograph of a married couple to prove that it actually happened. Staying in his place does not make you his wife because there is no legal instrument of marriage in your hand. The real legal owner can come and kick you out because no law protects you. If you are staying at his place and all his family know you as his future wife, you are still wasting your precious time. Same family will call you ‘unmarried element.’ Sister, make good use of your brain in that relationship.
In the same vein, I have heard ladies say, “He posts my picture on social media and uses my picture on his Direct Post (DP). Those are deceptive tactics. Be quickly reminded that people even use the pictures of their departed loved ones on their DP for memory’s sake. That does not mean his power to cheat on you has been caged. What is needed is for you to change status from “Fiance” to “Mrs” thereby moving from spinster to married.
Hey Sister, when you reach the point where you parrot these line – “I call his mother and siblings and they also call me’ and ‘All his cousins are close to me’ please ask yourself whether phone calls represent a firm, serious actionable marriage proposal and the wedding arrangements that should quickly follow. Instead of making unnecessary calls, demand that he takes you to the altar, to declare to all other females that he is not available anymore like Davido sang in one of his songs and has also demonstrated twice in the case of Chioma: talk of Nigeria traditional wedding in Lagos and talk of the world white wedding in Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
While sheepishly basking in the euphoria of engagement, know it that the rendezvous is still not marriage. If suddenly pregnancy occurs, the lady will have more shame to contain with. Know this very well, engagement is not marriage. This is the reason many ladies are already rich Baby Mamas but not wives.
A gentle reminder to all the Baby Mamas: it is true that you have a child or children for him, and all his friends refer to you as “Our wife” please know it that you are extremely single and not his wife. All the pet names do not translate into marriage because the moment your guy walks down the aisle with another lady, you are forever his single ‘Baby Mama.’
When a man is telling all sorts of stories, such as: “My elder brother has to marry first or we are renovating our house” but raunchy things happen in the other room between you two, that is a red flag. Just end the relationship. He has no right to make deposits in the account you opened for him in your bank. Please close the account. A very popular Nigerian-American singer, songwriter and record producer has several Baby Mamas, but just one is his beautiful well-adored wife.
In a recent viral video, a black woman, Merryl, was seen lamenting on behalf of her friend, Winnie, who has had a lover for 15 years in the US. The black lover was a real estate guru who suffered prolonged cancer of the prostrate for few years before he eventually died. When his will was made public, it was discovered that the late partner left all his estate for his 28-year-old daughter. While Winnie his mistress for 15 years got nothing from his rich lover, whether in cash, property and child. This is one of the many unreasonable relationships because none grows younger. And this aptly demonstrates the meaning of the adage that says make hay while the sun shines.
A lady boldly says, ‘I live with my boyfriend’ is only deceiving herself. It is possible that some ladies force themselves unto men to see if marriage will result from it. The question is: should a lady be okay just living with her boyfriend when he should be her husband. Boyfriend status and husband status are two different situations. Every woman needs the latter one.
The present trend of ladies co-habiting with a man is not applicable to only women. In the African setting, the weight is naturally heavier on women to settle down in marriage. Clearly, men are not exempted because culture does really permit men to co-habit and enjoy the relationship without doing the needful – by going ahead to pay the dowry and properly make her a wife. Oga, if you have not done so, you are still very single. In fact, in some cultures, you might not claim the child that come from the relationship. Some smart ones would simply have a low-keyed marital celebration and move on.
The status of a popular lover while anticipating marriage is not respectful. It is not attractive, encouraging or interesting to wear as a label. The whole neighbourhood knows you as his forever girlfriend. That is not nice at all. They tend to forget that they are not married, yet refer to themselves as husband and wife. Maybe so many do not understand the embarrassing and shameful thing about a man and lady co-habiting. Most ladies in particular do not know the implication. It is almost irresponsible to co-habit. It will be more dignifying to live responsibly alone in your own apartment and be happy. Know it that until you are lawfully married, you should live as a spinster.
Remarkably, partnership and co-habitation is a normal way of life for our foreign brothers and sisters. Some Africans that migrated to foreign countries inherited the culture of partnership. One hardly sees a widow or widower who lives alone in foreign countries. Both their men and women enjoy the romantic partnership which they term as companionship, yet they are not married.
Being responsibly single is not a crime, neither is it punishable or embarrassing. In fact, in some cases, there are some single ladies who are happier than married women. The offensive aspect of being single is when a lady engages in serial relationships, hoping that one will lead to marriage.
For all those who keep and watch over a relationship from faraway oversea, with heavenly promises, be careful so as not to wait for Mr. Overseas Husband forever and remain single. So many of such arrangements have failed to materialize. Once upon a time, it was a marriage boom between our foreign based brothers and Nigerian nurses. A phase that tore most friends apart and kept some single till date. Michael, a real hunk visited his mother in Owerri, while trying to catch up with the city he once lived in as a young boy. He ran into many girls and they ran into him too. He was at a crossroad and used marriage proposals to unwind until he returned to his base. All the ladies thought they had caught a big fish and waited for the D-Day. It was smart Evelyn who suspected that the plan was nose-diving and searched him out through FBI and discovered that Michael was happily married with two children in New Jersey.
Unpredictably, men also bear the name single. There are so many instances where men have gotten it wrong and ended up single. A man who brings in a lady, keeps her in his custody without doing the needful will also reap what he did not intend.
Dearest sisters, please know it today that there are many ways a woman could be deceived in the name of marriage. It is only when you are proposed to, the two families come into agreement and hand over the daughter to the husband and family, that is when you are officially married. The white wedding is the icing on the cake. If all these did not happen, you are seriously single, no matter what the guy tells you.
