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Festus Egwarewa Adeniyi Keyamo, SAN, is excited by his newfound job. It is written well all over him. And he is not making any pretence about it.
Do you blame him? Every new and good job excites. And Keyamo refuses to be an exception. In any case, he is no stranger to that nature of an assignment.
The reason he instantly jumped into it. He didn’t blink an eye. It appeared he very much expected it. So? When it eventually came, he grabbed it with all the strength he could ever muster.
He was not in the labour market when he bagged that juicy post. Far from it. He was not unemployed either. And when he got it, he never let the previous one go.
Keyamo remains Minister of State, Labour and Employment. In these hard times, he is lucky to combine two plum jobs. He doubles as spokesperson, Tinubu Campaign Organisation. He’s more than gainfully employed. What a rare grace he carries!
Perhaps, the reason he fumbled on his first outing as Tinubu’s spokesman. Speedily running his mouth. Intoxicated? Tragic. He stumbled, staggered, blundered, bumbled and floundered all the way.
And that will not stop any time soon. The signs are ominous and obvious. What a scary and crude combination!
The moment he hit the ground running, he heated up the over-heated polity the more. His recklessness was carelessly showcased. These last weeks have been trying and Herculean for Keyamo.
Sure, he did ask for it. And he got it full-blast. He is lost in the midst of it all. No pity, no tears for him. He deserves whatever backlashes he gets therein.
August 5, 2022, ought to be a Good Friday for Keyamo. But he messed it up. And that turned out to be his undoing. He ended his Channels Television appearance in disaster.
His litany of assertions would shock even the stone-hearted. From start to finish, he was out of tune. His outburst was not of this clime. He was haughty and pompous. And he displayed it with great rage.
That was factual. He ranted and raved. He feigned stubbornness. He arrogantly didn’t care if our fragile ox was brutally gored or fatally bruised. One queer thing was on his mind: To stand in the gap for President Muhammadu Buhari. He did that by whatever means that caught his kooky fancy. He was at variance with our stark realities. He was aloof and he acted true to type.
He comported himself neither as a minister nor as a spokesman. He jettisoned the dual roles placed on his choppy laps with thoughtlessness. He opted to be an attack dog.
And he perfectly suited that in the interview. That was the role he cut for himself. He acted the script so well. To the admiration of the principalities and powers that sent him. He dared not disappoint.
Keyamo was battle-prepared! He didn’t fake that. He was out to ridicule, molest and harass us. He was to cajole, intimidate and threaten.
Thank heavens! He failed in all the departments. And woefully too. We are exceedingly glad his rash utterances consumed him.
His contention was alarming, yes, frightening. He told us our security challenges were a long-distance journey. He insisted we must have security breaches. Surprised?
His eerie argument: “It is only in heaven that there will be no security breach at all. We have not arrived heaven and still on earth. So, there must be security breach.”
Keyamo was raging and fuming unrestrained. He told us we should not expect security; Buhari never promised one: “We didn’t promise that insecurity will not happen, we promised response.”
He capped it up in his own way: “There are jailbreaks in America but that doesn’t mean government has failed.” All warped and deformed excuses.
These weird characters won’t stop buck-passing. Theirs knows no bounds. It’s unmatched. It spares no one and covers all areas. And they do it with reckless abandon. Huge shame.
For Keyamo, Buhari is done with us. He did extremely well: “We promised response and we’ve delivered well.” Nothing missing, nothing broken!
He cautioned: “People should not engage in scaremongering. The bandits just want to scare Nigerians. That’s their oxygen, they want to create panic. When you don’t give them that fear or panic, they go away.”
We have heard these bizarre fairy tales many times over. That we are more secure now than ever before. That the “peace” we “suffer” now has no equal anywhere in the world. That we have never had it so rosy.
That we should be grateful that a Buhari happened to us in 2015! Imagine: That by the time Buhari finishes with us next year, we will be on our knees begging him for more dosages. This is clearly a curse. It’s not our portion.
Keyamo did not want us to complain. It’s only an ingrate who does that. We should suffer but must not moan or grumble. In fact: “Prices of rice, tomato, others could have been worse, if not for Buhari.”
Their blame-game has taken the better part of their lives. It is unconsciously taking a heavy toll on them. They went berserk, blaming God. They even have the uncanny audacity to pass their buck to Him.
God placed them in positions of authority. And it is for a purpose. He provided everything. All resources made available – human and materials, including weapons.
What else do you need from God? Keyamo amazes and amuses. He still finds it convenient and comfortable to blame God. And even passed the buck to Him. One is bewildered!
The minister then picked on the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU). He merely waved the unending strike aside. He has a curious antidote:
“I will tell the parents, everybody, to go and beg ASUU. Like the President said the other time, those who know them should appeal to their sense of patriotism. The nation cannot ground to a halt because we want to take care of the demands of ASUU.”
The legion of doublespeak and loudmouths swells by the second in this government. And still counting. With Keyamo, there is no dull moment. Suffice it to say we’re in for a rough ride in the impending electioneering.
Sampler. Keyamo was emphatic: “Tinubu will run Nigeria exactly like Buhari. It is the same APC template that both leaders (Buhari and Tinubu) will use.
“I saw one misleading headline from one of the papers and I laughed. It was misleading, misinterpreting what one of our leaders said; that we were distancing ourselves from the records of Buhari. That is utter nonsense. We are proud of the record of the APC.”
A quick take from two reputed authorities: “Nigeria has regressed on almost all indexes of national development in over seven years of the Buhari regime with worsening insecurity and the economy comatose. Public universities have been shut for about six months as lecturers continue agitation over poor condition of service.
“In 2018, Nigeria displaced India to become the world’s poverty capital, according to a report by Brookings Institution, while Nigeria’s total public debt hit N41.60 trillion under the watch of the Buhari-led regime, according to the Debt Management Office.”
Keyamo erred and goofed on all issues he raised. He is dangerously running against odd tides, and with the speed of light. That’s not how best to be a spokesman. He has picked an unwise race, worse than a rat race. He runs like a wounded braggart.
That won’t take him anywhere. Time is running against him. And posterity won’t be kind to him.
