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Part Two continues the journey deeper into the desert, deeper into the mind. This part reveals what happens when that strength is tested beyond its limits. Here, the thin line between sanity and insanity becomes more visible, more frightening, and more real. It begins with confidence the kind that comes from experience and preparation.
I was calm, did a few mental calculations, and with full confidence, I settled down to perform the rescue operation on my car. The technique I employed here involved, first, digging the tires out. Then, I jacked up the car at each tire point and placed aluminum surface plates underneath the tires. I would then reverse, the car. The idea of reversing was to get back to where I was before the problem since every successful passage endorses the track as perfect. So with each reverse I would then proceed to locate a better compact and dormant track, on a detour, to drive on, but while doing that, being careful not to lose my bearing.
This exercise lingered on for a very long time, and at one point, I lost count of how many times I had had to try over and over again. At this time, my over confidence betrayed me, and I began to wonder if there weren’t some unseen hands behind all these problems. Physically and mentally, I was completely exhausted. The desert sun had charred my clothes to a golden brown that blended with the environment, and as I coughed and wheezed, having inhaled more dust than air, my energy vanished. I became physically drained, and breathing became a very tedious job.
Emotionally, I saw myself as nude, as my dignity was stripped by these problems and I was almost unable to continue.
Driving deeper into the desert, another phase of the experience opened up. It was the stench that first hit me and I wondered what could be responsible. Then, I almost ran into the remains of a festering corpse. I looked away instinctively to avoid the stench and the sight. I kept driving and within minutes, I came to another corpse. And another, and another, until I could count no more. At this point I was confused, as I didn’t know what to do. Should I drive with my eyes closed? Should I discontinue the trip to save myself from cultural abuse from this ugly sight? Would my ancestors be angry with me and probably strike me dead for seeing this ‘evil?’ Would I be required to appease the gods for this, and would they accept since I was aware that this trip might warrant the sighting of dead bodies?
In fact, these and many other questions bothered me so much that I started hearing voices; voices of these dead men calling me to join them, or those of my ancestors reading my judgment to me, and probably handing over my death sentence. I was most horrified. Will my fate be different from those of the corpses I had just seen?
But one thing was clear to me, and that I held on to so tenaciously, which was my honest and love-laden mission; a mission to save my people and their environment, and each time I was about to lose hope, or even felt threatened by the presence of death, I clung to the vision of my ancestors cheering me on and asking me not to relent on this noble trip.
This way, neither my courage withered, nor did my hope of a successful completion vanish. So strong was myself-will that I was determined to continue in spite of all the odds. I continued driving and this time going about it as if I wanted to finish the entire trip on that particular day. I drove faster and faster. This spirit that moved me into the thought of covering more distance soon deserted me. At about 5:30pm, I was forced by fatigue to switch off my car engine.
Not being satisfied that my decision to stop was right, a lot of uncertainties set in and unconsciously, my mouth opened and I sang out loud:
“Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming forth to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
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Coming forth to carry me home,
I looked over Jordan and what did I see
Coming forth to carry me home,
A band of Angels coming after me,
Coming forth to carry me home.
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming forth to carry me home,
Swing low, sweet chariot,
Coming forth to carry me home.
Hoping that someone would hear me, I rendered this song several times to my car of course, as there was no other thing there with me. As suddenly as I started singing, I stopped. I asked myself if all was well with me. However, being able to ask myself this question was enough of an answer, as well as an assurance that I was still alive and well, for I feared insanity more than death. The temperature now had dropped from steaming 130° to a tolerable 80°; and far away, I could still see the day’s storm sweeping the tops off the dunes and changing their shape as it did so. Having decided to stop for the day, I located a comfortable base to set up my desert mansion; but before I could settle down to put up the tent, I looked around me, as was my custom. Then I noticed a skeleton. At first, I thought it belonged to an animal, but suddenly realized that animals don’t travel this deep into the desert, where there is no life. Then I saw some clothing around the skeleton; but that was not all, and no big deal, since I had seen a few before then, but what was frightening about this particular skeleton was its legs. Its right leg was flat on the floor of the sand, while the left leg was suspended with the knee up.
The gentleman must have tried to raise the left leg in an attempt to get up before he gave up. Then suddenly, I remembered those horror movies that played with skeletons. It was going to be dark in the next hour or two, and not being brave enough to sleep beside any skeleton, I drove off again for about five minutes, and this time around there were no more skeletons to fear. I then set up the tent, laid out my cooking utensils and prepared for the most unwelcome exercise- eating and drinking.
The tradition in my homeland in Nigeria forbids me, as a titled man, to set eyes on a dead person, except that of someone of equal standing in our society. This is the way we live. It is part of our culture. What I was seeing, I was experiencing for the first, second, third, fourth and umpteenth time in my life. With everybody I passed and left behind, something died in me. I kept asking myself “Will my fate be different?” What is it that makes me better than them? What is making my car better than theirs? What is it that is keeping me going? Will I be next to join them?”
