I cannot come and kill myself

This should remind you of our August 10 entry: “I am not doing again.” As with that, this caption may not be acceptable Standard British English but there’s no denying the fact that it is meaningful to Nigerians -whom it is about and for whom it is intended. I cannot come and kill myself over grammar when it is no guarantee. 

Generally, in this country, there are no guarantees. Not in life, not in excellence, not in anything. Being holy or clean or worthy is not an automatic passport in Nigeria. In fact, sometimes, most times, those virtues are a huge minus, or a curse, or both.

Fact-check for yourself, even if you can’t. An alarming majority of those we elect, re-elect, appoint or reappoint have no business being entrusted with public trust and responsibility and power. Known can-doers and performers are sacrificed, to accommodate political interests and such other leadership stupidities. The beat goes on, with society perpetually bemoaning mediocrity.

The annoying part of the ubiquitous hypocrisy is that immediately after, everyone would resume the perennial lamentation. Even those who foisted the mediocre public officer(s) would start grumbling and later come out in open criticism and confrontation. In no time, the masses join in not knowing any better. Sssh, we all learn nothing, as can be seen in the continuation of the vicious circle the moment another opportunity in the leadership recruitment process beckons.

Almost always, we all laugh off this political osmosis as one of those things. We all live in eternal denial. We all believe we can lie to ourselves and get away with it. We all do the same thing every time but expect the country to transform, just like that.

We pay lip service to excellence. In fact, we nonsensify it at every critical point. We mouth disdain for nonsense only to turn around and excellencify it -as if we are high on something. It’s sickening how even leadership gatekeepers who flaunt extraneous intimidating credentials lock out excellence, when it matters most, but grant easy passage to mediocrity.

There are no guarantees anywhere in this country. You keep clean, they use that against you. You perform wonders in office, the magic becomes a curse. Suddenly, you see your co-office holders who were no good second to you, performance-wise, allowed to enjoy a second helping while you are sent packing, dejected and rejected, like an orphan.

Unfortunately, this anathema is not peculiar to just politics. As I was knocking this piece together yesterday, a 2023 frontrunner (as I understand it) for the office of governor in a south-southern state made a shock phone call to me. After pouring encomia on my little efforts and media mileage, he launched into critiquing the way things are in our country and world. He asked, rhetorically, ‘in which one area of life is our world thriving, right now?’

I could not but interject. I asked him what examples his generation is bequeathing to mine. On his concern that youngsters were no more reading, I told him to show me why they should when those who read nothing and know nothing were being rewarded with big positions in government and big money, all over the place. At the end, he agreed calmly but left me with a vexed punchline that resonates to this moment.

His poser should suffice at this juncture. Yes, things are horrible but what is our choice? Should we continue downhill or should we seek and take the way up and out? Fortunately, there’s only one answer to that.

However, even before we set out on the journey to redemption, there are two preliminary steps to take. First of all, we must undergo mental reengineering. We must reset our mindset to be able not only to tell ourselves the truth but also to accept it. Second of all, we must seek to understand and accept our shortcomings.

That way, we would see that the problem of Nigeria is neither the government nor the people. The problem of Nigeria is all of us, those in and those out of government. For instance, who steal from the commonwealth? Those in government, right?

Now, who celebrate and encourage these thieving leaders? The people, right? We talk about our police and other law enforcers being corrupt, yet we provide the lubricant for that corruption. We are guilty of where and how we are but per time we feign ignorance and innocence.

I think one of our fundamental problems as a people is that we believe we are too smart. Nigerians seem to believe that we can sow hypocrisy and reap reality. We always think, as we say in the country, that we are doing others. Imagine the crass pretence, the monumental apathy, the insane ethnicity, the avaricious appetite and the sheer lack of patriotism that we display whenever we need to intervene for this nation.

Are Nigerians never tired of dramatising everything and every time? I cannot come and kill myself o. Take a simple every day behavioural misstep by Chief Femi Fani-Kayode in Calabar,  Cross River state, last week. We all flew into a rage, because by reacting the way he did to the journalist the former Minister of Aviation killed somebody, abi?

No, this is not to endorse what the man said or did not say in that moment of over-the-bar anger. We should bury the matter, complete with our unholy hypocrisy, since he wasted no time to apologise -something quite rare among our elite. If Nigeria must catch up with the rest of the world, Nigerians must ensure balance or fairness twenty four seven. Chief Fani-Kayode kept too long at his reaction, but we whose job it is to ask questions must eschew malice or insult or suspicion which could provocate even the pope.

I don’t remember whether he was still in office as President at the time but Chief Olusegun Obasanjo almost walked off the set of a BBC programme, HARDtalk, when anchor, Stephen Sackur, put a particular question. Chief Obasanjo wondered publicly if the presenter would have asked a western leader that question. At that time, no one raised any alarm or boycotted anything. Now, drawing from the allegation embedded in what the former President said, would the Femi Fani-Kayode Calabar journalist have asked him that crassly framed question if he was someone else?

Let Nigerians learn balance. Otherwise, the I-cannot-come-and-kill-myself preference would continue to frustrate consensus and nationalism. When people make popular mistakes, let’s show empathy and sympathy, knowing it is human nature as we ourselves may have committed or may tomorrow do. God bless Nigeria!