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What’s her best food
Dr John: I hate that stuff that smells. She loves them. The bitter leaf soup (Ofe onugbu) that you would be eating and you are fighting with flies.
What about his best food?
Mrs Enuma: He said my own is Ofe Onugbu. Don’t mind him. He is a very humorous man. When he was coming to our house in Umuoji, Anambra State to marry me, my mother would prepare it with Ogiri, and he would eat and lick it his fingers. Now he married me and became Oyibo man. Once you cook it now, you will eat it alone as far as he is concerned. The only thing is that I won’t be cooking it all the time, and then, I would cook it mildly with little Ogiri because some people would add too much of it and it smells too much. So, for his best food, once it is tasty and properly prepared, delicious, he would eat any food and lick your plate. He does not have any special one.
Do you know her shoe size
Dr John: I think it is size 9/42 British/ America.
What are the qualities that you like in him?
Mrs Enuma: Then, not now that he is toughened. He is a very stubborn person. The only thing is that when you look at his good qualities, there are the ones that you can just let go. The quarrels are not serious ones anyway. When somebody comes in and sees us quarrelling, the person would say, are you kids. Maybe he was driving and I was not satisfied with the way he was driving and we would start arguing. He is such a nice man. The seven years we had our courtship is enough to know each other. Even if you pretend and hide your behaviour, one day it would come out. So we don’t have much quarrels because we knew ourselves very well before we went into the marriage. People have been admiring our marriage. From what they wrote on our brochure for the 50th marriage anniversary which is coming up soon, some say it is a marriage made from heaven.
Then about having my children abroad, it was not easy. I didn’t have any house help then. How could I go there and suffer just because I would love to give my children citizenship?
How do you know when your spouse is angry, and how do you handle it
Dr John: What I have told you is the natural one. There is a spiritual one. The man is a pole. The woman is also a pole. The pole I mean is a magnetic pole. It is a Northern pole and a Southern pole that makes a pole. If you put North, North, they can’t grip, but if you bring the North pole to the South pole, they will make a noise; they grab each other. That is the main spiritual attraction. That is to say that if she is hot, the other one should not be, otherwise it becomes two captains. That is North-North or South-South, they can never agree. But if one is calm, it becomes South pole, and if the other one is hot, it becomes North pole, it grips in the spiritual. That is where it happens before it manifests spiritually. So when she is shouting, I would keep quiet. Also, when I am shouting, she keeps quiet. We are both magnetic pole.
Mrs Enuma: When he is angry he keeps quiet, and I would ask him, how now? So when he is cold, I would go to him. If it is something that needs advise, I would do that. If it is something I have caused, I would keep quiet and leave it to die naturally. When you keep quiet, at times the thing goes with time. I would just leave him for some time. Men find it difficult to say sorry. At times, I would force him to tell me sorry if he offended me, but I can count the number of times he had told me sorry in our 50 years of marriage. He can even buy a gift for me, but that sorry is difficult to say.
Why do you think marriages fail?
Dr John: Two captains cannot operate a ship. Or, two captains flying an airplane, no. There must be a co-captain. When one is spitting hot, the other one should get up and walk away until that one calms down. Both of you should not be shouting at the same time. Don’t fight physically. You can shout, but don’t hit anyone. The man should not hit the wife, and vice versa. If that happens, it becomes extreme. That is why every month you service your shock absorber. It is not a bed of roses at all. If you know how to be patient, you can even do your diamond jubilee as long as there is life.
What qualities can intending couples look out for in a person?
Mrs Enuma: After you must have seen the person to get married to, the next thing you can look at is the family. The family should accept you. If you can convince them, fine. If you can’t and go there by force, you would be having problems. Again, money is not everything. First thing is love. Some would want an already made home. Then, whatever you see, you take, because there is nothing as good as starting from the scratch if you can. Some want money, and I don’t blame them. Maybe because of the places they come from. In some cases too, you see some people asking their spouses if they know where the money came from. They would start abusing their spouses. To the young ladies, if you look at the man and he is someone you can tolerate, and his family is good, what else do you want?
Please tell intending couples how to achieve a successful marriage.
Dr John: They must respect each other, be patient and tolerant. They must understand that none of them is perfect. Close your eyes to certain things. Don’t talk much when you are angry. Try to be peaceful. It can’t be peaceful all the time; there must be ups and downs. You breathe in and out. There must be quarrels. You quarrel today, make up tomorrow. Anybody who says he doesn’t quarrel is a liar.
What’s your advice to couples generally
Mrs Enuma: My advice is especially to the young couples because they won’t understand. There is nothing you can do by your power. I have always believed in God. Commit your marriage and family unto God for help. Then work hard too. Be patient. Where there is love, it covers everything. I advise people not to jump into marriage. Study your intending spouse before going in. Perseverance too is key. When you have all these in your marriage, nobody would even advise you on what to do; you would solve it yourselves. And always keep your mouth shut. Going about to spread your news does not help. You can always call your spouse and express your grievances. You make up, and your marriage would be moving on smoothly. Just mind yourself. Your husband is your friend, daddy, everything to you. I don’t see why there should be problem at all if there is love. These arranged marriages too are the ones breaking up so much. Some of them work but the percentage of those that work is few.
New couples should also avoid their spouse’ phones for peace to reign in their homes. Why should I go and fish out something that would disorganise my home?
