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Dr John Kenechukwu Eruchie hails from Abor town in Udi Local Government Area (LGA) of Enugu State. He’s a surveyor and a high chief with 11 chieftaincy tittles from 11 communities. He was picked recently as Knight of the Order of St Sylvester by Pope Francis, and the investiture comes up in November this year.
His wife, Chief Mrs Enuma Eruchie, is from Umuoji, Anambra State. She studied Fine Arts and Fashion at the College of Technology, Enugu. She worked briefly as teacher before she went to set up a fashion house.
The couple spoke to VIVIAN ONYEBUKWA about their marriage of 50 years, and what made the marriage successful. They also gave an insight into why some marriages fail, how to achieve a successful marital union, and other issues in marriage generally.
How did you meet?
Dr John: It was during the Nigeria/Biafra war that we met. After my training as a Biafran soldier, I was sent to 11th Division at Nnewi, Anambra State. It was from there that they posted me to 78 Infantry Brigade at Umoji, Anambra State. My wife is from Umoji, so it was there that we met and the courtship started. I was at Umoji till the war ended. By then she was still a secondary school student.
How long did the courtship last?
Dr John: The courtship lasted for seven years and I left after the end of the war to Enugu to continue my own education at the University of Nigeria. She started visiting Enugu to see me. I graduated and left for Benin where I was employed. She graduated from secondary school and joined the College of Technology, Enugu. When she graduated there she now joined me in Benin.
What was the attraction?
Dr John: She was tall, fair and pretty. We looked alike and she is always happy because I am a very handsome man. When I say she looks like me, she is happy.
What was your reaction when he proposed?
Mrs Enuma: He did not just propose to me immediately. I accepted his proposal, but I was not that excited because I already had one proposal before his own, even though I disappointed the person. The person was abroad then, and it was during the war. So I disappointed him because of this my husband. That one was a good man anyway, but I chose this my husband because he was so nice when he was coming. He was down to earth. You could feel somebody who comes from a good home. That was why I agreed to his proposal. I also committed the marriage into God’s hands. Let His will be done.
Was there any opposition from any quarters when you both decided to marry?
Dr John: The challenges were there. I am a Catholic. My parents are very serious members of the Catholic Church. She is also from the opposing camp of what they call Church Missionary Society (CMS) in Umuoji; They are also called Protestants. My parents didn’t want that. It was only her father that said to her that wherever she found a husband, even if it were a Muslim, good luck to her. We decided to be involved because she now agreed to change her religion to become a Catholic.
Mrs Enuma: In those days, it is not like now that everybody is a little bit civilised, and there would be one that would always open the eyes of the family. Of course, there should always be opposition here and there. The church issue wasn’t a major thing, but where he comes from. In those days, they don’t take it lightly when you marry outside your state. They consider it very far from home. He comes from Enugu State, while I come from Anambra State. Luckily for me, my father was a very liberal person, maybe because of his exposure. He gave all his daughters free hand to marry whoever they wanted to, but his own law was that, you must not divorce your husband. He would advise you to love your husband and live peacefully with him. So my uncles and aunts saw that my father wasn’t somebody they could deceive and they left him to take his decision.
Did you experience any early challenges?
Dr John: No, there was no need for that. We courted for good seven years. If there would be challenges, that was within the seven years of our courtship.
Have you ever thought of walking out of the marriage for any reason?
Dr John: No. Although marriage is not a bed of roses, there are ups and downs. But they were not very serious. She loves staying around me all the time. We would have had all our children in London, but she refused because she didn’t want to leave me to go back to Kano.
Mrs Enuma: Marriage is an institution. It is not a bed full of roses. If one does not control ones anger the person might say something one would regret later. If you don’t have patience you might regret marrying the person, and later you would start regretting it. That is how angered you were then. The only thing is that you have to have God that guides marriages, if not most of the marriages would be breaking. If you were a no nonsense person, you might take a decision you would regret later. Marriage is the good, the bad and the ugly.
What has kept this marriage now, 50 years after
Dr John: I wouldn’t want to say love because the love we had at the beginning was the real thing. When we were courting she would just come and go, but now that we are married, we see ourselves almost every day. We are like brother and sister. It’s not love that is keeping us again, it’s tolerance and patience because no human being is perfect. We both make mistakes.
Mrs Enuma: To be honest, what has kept the marriage is God and then love, because if there was no love, we won’t be staying here together. Patience, tolerance too have helped in keeping this marriage. God on our side, and with that love, one would overlook several things.
Check for the Part (2) of this story
How your marriage can last 50 years and more, by the Eruchies (2)
