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I hope the article last week was of some help to you in managing difficult conversations. Among other things, I shared some techniques to help you approach difficult conversations with confidence and effectiveness. I also noted that there is the inevitability of challenging discussions in professional life because diffiult conversations are a natural part of any workplace. In this week’s article, I continue with active listening and validation techniques; ways to express disagreement respectfully; ways to handle emotional responses; and ways to conduct a follow-up after a difficult conversation.
Let’s begin with active listening and validation techniques. Have you ever wondered why active listening is crucial in difficult conversations? For one thing, it helps the other person feel heard and can de-escalate tense situations. How can you prove that you are actively listening to and validating the other’s talk? Give your full attention. If you are in the habit of scrolling on your phone or working on your laptop when someone is communicating something of importance to them, such action on your part shows you are indifferent and not interested in the speaker or in the issue, even if you think otherwise. So, put away distractions like phones or laptops and maintain appropriate eye contact. Don’t say, “Keep talking, I’m listening to you.” Another thing you can do to show active listening is to deploy non-verbal cues. What does this mean? Nod to show you’re listening, and lean in slightly to demonstrate engagement. This helps you be fully present in the discussion. Yet another thing you could do is to paraphrase and summarise what has been said to you. Attempt to restate key points to ensure you have correctly understood the speaker’s point of view. For example, you could say: “If I’m understanding correctly, you feel that…” If there has been a departure from what the speaker has in mind, they would correct you. And, of course, this shows you are closely following the conversation.
What if you do not understand the speaker? Do not hesitate to ask clarifying questions. Your questions should however be framed in away that shows you only seek to understand rather than to argue or defend. To illustrate, you could ask: “Can you tell me more about why you feel that way?” This kind of question shows you are sincere and want to gain clarity. Endeavour to acknowledge and recognise the other person’s feelings without judgment (We listen, we don’t judge ☺). You could let them know you perceive how frustrating the situation is for them. This means you are open to finding a solution to it. You thus validate their feelings. Be sure, though, to use silence effectively. Allow pauses in the conversation so that the other person has time to process what is being said and respond to it.
Suppose you do not agree with their viewpoints. How might you express disagreement respectfully? It doesn not have to be a battle. Begin by acknowledging the other person’s point. In other words, recognise the validity of their perspective. For example: “I understand why you might see it that way, and I appreciate you sharing your view.” Then go ahead to express your perspective. To do this, use “I” statements to share your differing opinion. Example: “From my perspective, I see the situation differently, and here’s why…” More importantly, find common ground. This simply means that you should look for areas of agreement to build upon. You could say something like: “We both seem to agree that improving team communication is crucial.” Then go ahead to propose a collaborative solution. To make this work, suggest working together to find a resolution that addresses both perspectives. An example? Here: “Given our different views on this, how can we find a solution that works for both of us?” Despite all said, be open to changing your mind.
Show willingness to be persuaded if presented with new information that does not affect you negatively. Example: “I hadn’t considered that aspect before. That’s a good point.”
What if there are outbursts of emotional responses? I’m not going to lie, difficult conversations can often trigger emotional responses. How should you handle them? First, stay calm. If the other person becomes emotional, maintain your composure. Take deep breaths and speak in a steady, calm voice. Second, acknowledge their emotions. Do this by validating their feelings without necessarily agreeing with their perspective. It can be something like, “I can see that you’re upset about this decision, and that’s understandable.” Next, you could offer a break. If emotions continue to run high, suggest a short pause. You can say: “I can see this is a sensitive topic. Would you like to take a few minutes before we continue?” If this is achieved and emotions have settled, guide the conversation back to constructive problem-solving. Example: “Now that we’ve expressed our concerns, let’s focus on how we can move forward positively.”
Remember, the conversation doesn’t end when you leave the room. Proper follow-up is crucial. You should always document the discussion. Send a follow-up email summarising key points and agreed-upon actions. Don’t stop there though. Do check in by scheduling a follow-up meeting to review progress and address any lingering concerns. Be on standby to provide any resources or assistance to help implement any agreed-upon changes. And when you see that improvement has been made, acknowledge the positive changes or efforts.
What has been the point of this (and the previous) article so far? Mastering the art of navigating difficult conversations is a valuable skill that can significantly impact your professional relationships and career trajectory. By approaching these discussions with clarity, empathy, and a focus on constructive outcomes, you can turn potentially negative situations into opportunities for growth and understanding. Do not forget that the goal of a difficult conversation isn’t to win or to prove a point, but it’s to reach a mutual understanding and find a path forward. With practice and patience, you can become skilled at handling even the most challenging discussions, which helps you promote a more positive and productive work environment for yourself and those around you.
