As a side chick, it is very important you know when to let go. Once he says it’s over, or you feel that way, move on.
Amaka Nicholas
This is the concluding part of how to be a good side chick. As a side chick, no matter the kind of disagreement you have with your man, don’t threaten to blackmail him or reach out to his wife or partner.
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Many side-chicks have had their lives cut short for making such threats. That he’s cheating on his partner with you does not in any way mean he loves her any less, don’t be deceived. He’s just not disciplined enough to stay faithful to one woman.
If you push him to the wall by trying to get his main chick involved in your issues, he might set you up and it may be too late before you realize what hit you. Once push comes to shove, just quietly call it quits and move on.
You should be faithful but don’t be completely emotionally unavailable to other men. You might be subconsciously pushing away single and ready men willing to get married. You don’t want to remain a side-chick indefinitely.
Whatever you have with your man should be time bound and shouldn’t be for long considering the future. If the relationship is something you want to maintain for as long as possible, decide if you are willing to maintain a relationship that cannot be celebrated with friends and family.
If you call him on phone and he’s very formal or even hostile, it’s an indication he is with people who shouldn’t know of your existence, drop the call immediately.
If he ever tells you to move into his home or invites you just for a night because his wife or partner is out of town or because they are quarreling, don’t be foolish to follow him into that house. You should know your limits.
Any man who is capable of inviting his side-chick into the house he shares with his wife or partner for whatever reason is very irresponsible and dumb. And any side-chick who for whatever reasons follows such a man into his home is foolish.
You must avoid asking where the relationship is headed, because his response is likely to leave you disappointed, confused or filled with false hope. He is with you for fun, or because at the moment, he’s not in good times with his woman which is the reality that comes with every relationship.
You shouldn’t expect the relationship to be more than what it is. If you need a relationship with a future, then take deliberate steps to end your secret affair with him and start seeing someone who will put you first and do right by you.
Having unprotected sex with him is one thing you should avoid as much as possible. It doesn’t matter if you both went to his doctor for a comprehensive test on possible sexually transmitted infections. Most of these men have more than one side-chick at a time and they are the largest distributors of deadly diseases. Insist he uses protection all the time.
READ ALSO: How to have an STD conversation with your partner
Have it in mind that you could get caught at any time because nothing is hidden under the sun forever. From the day you decide to become a side-chick, plan how you will react if you get caught.
Do not be surprised if he ends your relationship abruptly. As much as possible, be civil if his wife or partner contacts you on phone to leave her man alone. If she attacks you in public or send thugs after you, just remember that being a side chick is risky and such comes with the territory.
So, don’t get too comfortable with the relationship because it is not a permanent arrangement. He can end it anytime out of guilt, his wife found out or he’s done with you and moved on to someone fresh. Such men get bored easily.
Remember most men who keep side-chicks often will not come out in plain terms to call off the relationship. Their attitude towards you says it all. Once the calls sudden stop or he starts to form busy, just know it is over. These men expect you read in-between the lines and move on.
If you are with him for financial gains, don’t be foolish to remain solely dependent on him. By all means possible, find something doing, get busy, have a good means of livelihood no matter how little.
Don’t waste all he gives you on fashion and frivolities. If he dumps you, strips you of his car gift, ejects you or your rent expires, you should be able to stand on your own and not start begging him.
As a side chick, it is very important you know when to let go. Once he says it’s over, or you feel that way, move on. Don’t cling to him or try to hold on. Avoid telling yourself you can just be friends when it is over and you still feel strongly for him.
Once you both agree to end it, or you ended it yourself, make sure he doesn’t feel you are still available to him. Otherwise, he will take you for granted, and continue to have sex with you whenever he wants. Don’t have sex with him for old times’ sake. Stay away from conversations that are sex related even if you both decide to remain in touch.
A secret relationship will take an emotional toll on you eventually. You should know what to expect, and reflect on the implications of your actions. If not, in the end, you will be the ultimate loser.