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Watching the way young people growing up in this digital age interact, you begin to get the impression that they either misinterpret or misrepresent the concept of friendship – in terms of humanity, emotion and empathy. You see evidence of this in the nightmarish stories of how so-called friends fail each other without batting an eyelid. This is worrisome, considering that the leaders of tomorrow will emerge from this generation.
Quite often on social media, these young people splash tales of the supposed wrong deeds of their friends. They put on public display all the “dirty stuff” of the same person that is supposed to be their friend. I just wonder, do they truly understand what friends represent in human relationships?
Walter Winchell, a syndicated American newspaper gossip columnist and commentator on radio described a friend as “the one who walks in when the world walks out from someone’s life.” Similarly, the Oxford dictionary lets us know that a friend is someone who can serve as emotional and positive support in one’s life. From these descriptions of who a friend is, it is quite clear that most Gen-Z young people lack the empathy, which has long been associated with true friendship n the preceding generations.
You find that 80 per cent of “friendships” among young people today tend towards negativity. Some call it peer group pressure while others think otherwise. Whatever it is, the there is a clear and present need for parents and guardians to set the right standard for these young ones, forthwith. Bad mannerisms must be intentionally purged from them. There should be no sugar-coating of such observed negative conduct. No window dressing either. The focus should be to enlighten and equip the young ones with the social and emotional intelligence to safely operate in their world, be able to recognise potential bad friends and give them a wide berth. The absolute truth is that there are hundreds of thousands of bad friends out there.
For me, a simple description of a bad friend is that fellow who does not have the fear of God. Some of the qualities of bad friends include: they are overly competitive, jealous, encourage bad behaviour, use(read: steal) their friend’s ideas or intellectual assets, interfere with social and professional contacts, reveal information and personal stuff about their friends.
Now, what would a girl gain by poisoning her friend just because she got attracted to a man which the friend met through her. Consider this case: Boma is from Rivers State and lives relatively, comfortably as an importer. He inherited his father’s legitimate business after his death. A respected young man of worthy repute living in the same neighborhood with Edna. Probably, Edna was interested in Boma, but somehow he seemed ignorant of her love interest in him. She regularly visited him, ostensibly to watch BBNaija on Netflix. On one of the days, her friend Cherish called on her and she quickly invited her to Boma’s house where she was enjoying the BBNaija escapades. After Cherish visited her friend twice at Boma’s house, he got interested in Cherish and expressed his feelings.
He confided his thoughts about Cherish in a friend: “Cherish conducts herself properly and has the attributes of a wife and mother. I want to marry her and have children with her.” Somehow Edna learnt about this and hell was let loose. She had all along been imagining herself to be the chosen one. Several times she tried, unsuccessfully, to sow discord between Boma and Cherish as wedding plans progressed. Some friends tried to soothe the pain of her loss, counselling that some other man would come along in due season. When every one thought the matter had been settled, Edna kept her plans under wraps and struck at the bridal shower organized by friends. In the gaiety and joy of the moment, Edna secretly poisoned the drink of Cherish when she stood up to welcome new guests. Her evil act was recorded by the CCTV camera in the place. When Cherish came back and drank a gulp of the drink, she began to vomit and lost consciousness. Friends rushed her to a nearby hospital, where she was admitted. Fortunately, she survived after being treated for three days. In the course of investigations, the CCTV recordings revealed the heartless thing Edna did and she was promptly arrested, for interrogation and prosecution. How low a girl could be driven by envy and jealousy!
One good thing about the social media revolution is that it is revealing the kind of friends people should do away with. Friends who go through other people’s phone (s) to harvest information and then betray them, are they worthy friends? Those who lure out their friends and have them killed for ritual purposes, to live big from the proceeds, are devilish enemies from the deepest part of hell. Olalekan, a 16-year-old, invited his secondary school friend, Ayomide, whose uncle sent US dollars, to congratulate him for excelling in his examinations. Ayo had no inkling that Lekan who considered a bosom friend had become a devil incarnate, who planned to kill him for money ritual. When Ayo honoured the invitation, Providence saved him. At some point, Leken went into another room and came back with a piece of red cloth tied on his waist. He held a long knife as he moved towards Ayo while making incantations. Recounting the story of his providential escape, Ayo said that strength came from nowhere and he overpowered Lekan, forced the window open and jumped out through it. Where do we place chief bridesmaids, who maneuver the bridegroom and sleep with him the same night of the wedding, then scheme out the bride and take over the man. Dr. Nick and his wife Blessing (of blessed memory) had it rough immediately after their wedding as their chief bridesmaid, Queeneth, became a challenge and big pressure on their marriage almost immediately. She did not hide her feelings for the young doctor as she sent him nude pictures. One thing led to another, Nick got trapped until he married her, after three years of intense courtship.
Young secondary school students, who encourage others to show poor moral conduct from a tender age are bad friends. The ones who have started smoking, trying out illicit sexual pleasures, sampling hard drugs, have become rude and display nasty attitude to family members and school authorities are all bad friends that should be dealt with. Consider Mercy Ikenga, who was brought from the village by her yet unmarried aunt, to re-write the West African Senior School Certificate Examination (WASSCE). In no time, she made new friends in her new school, who taught her how to keep late nights and be rude at home, to the extent of fighting her aunt. The aunt, Patience, sent her back to the village promptly. Unknown to her, Mercy left Lagos with one month pregnancy. Suffice to say that she became an emergency mother at 18 years and her life took a bad turn as she lost the opportunity to pass the examination and be sponsored for university education.
Recall the story of the young students who pushed and allowed their male classmate to drown in the swimming pool of the hotel, envious that he was financially loaded and the girls like him more. It didn’t matter that he was also very generous to his male classmates, buying them suya, food and drinks. In one of the South East schools, a female student was locked out by her roommates because she initially refused to join them in their dealings with men in high places. They pressured her until she became a threat and an unworthy student, until she was tutored and initiated into mini-prostitution. It only then that she was accepted back in room.
Why is this generation full of bitterness, envy and stubbornness? In an examination hall, 17-year-old Kelvin and his gang overpowered tiny Eniola, a fellow classmate, who is perceived to be the smartest boy in the class and dealt with him mercilessly. On that misty morning, all students who came into the hall winked at Eniola, discreetly requesting him to ‘spread’ his answer sheets, to allow them copy. Recognising the implication of their request, Eniola carefully guarded his work, in obedience to the invigilator’s instruction. After the examination, his friends and classmates dragged him to a corner and dealt with him, inflicting injuries on him.
These are terrible times to grow up. Not matter how bad the situation, children must live and thrive. That is why they need to recognise and stay away bad friends. The young ones who are tending towards bad conduct, make a U-turn, desist from the evil ways and God will help become better, useful youths and citizens.
