Follow Us on Google
By Kate Halim
Patience Adesanmi has been married for almost two years, but she has experienced orgasm only twice. The 32-year-old mother of one is usually ashamed to admit to other women that for her, reaching orgasm with her husband is like looking for a needle in a haystack.
According to Adesanmi, her husband doesn’t believe that women must reach orgasm or that sex should be pleasurable for a woman. “Whenever I complain about him not satisfying me sexually or paying attention to my sexual needs which will make me orgasm, he will threaten to report me to our pastor for carnal behaviour,” she said.
Adesanmi told Saturday Sun that she loves her husband but is unhappy with the way things are going in the bedroom. She added that it takes her less than 15 minutes to reach orgasm if her husband takes the time to engage in foreplay.
“The last time I spoke to my husband about this issue, he got very angry because I told him I would have to buy sex toys to satisfy myself sexually. He reported me to my parents and they advised me not to buy sex toys,” Adesanmi added.
Adesanmi doesn’t understand why a man that claims he loves her wouldn’t listen to her and try to please her in bed. She said the whole lack of orgasm is affecting her mentally as she suffers mood swings from time to time.
One destination, many roads
For Miss Ijeoma Atueyi, any man who doesn’t want to be patient while having sex with her should stay away from her. According to the 27-year-old graduate of Accounting, most men are so selfish that the only thing they care about during sex is how to please themselves without considering the woman.
“It takes me at least 20 minutes of kissing, cuddling, licking, foreplay to reach the big O. If I must enjoy sex with a man, he must give me the entire warm-up time I need. I take my orgasms seriously, so I don’t manage men who don’t know how to pleasure my body enough to make me orgasm,” she added.
Atueyi recalls dating a guy who kept boasting about his sexual prowess after they met on Facebook. She said that he kept raising her hopes until the day they decided to have sex months after and he turned out to be a big bag of disappointment.
“The guy couldn’t even kiss me properly; he was designing my whole body with saliva. Before I blinked thrice, he was done. I just dressed up and left. I blocked his numbers and blocked him on all my social media accounts. I made sure I didn’t cross paths with him ever again,” Atueyi said.
It takes Christy Philips about 20 to 30 minutes of oral sex to reach orgasm. This is because she doesn’t orgasm from penetrative sex. She revealed that since she started having sex, she hasn’t been able to climax through penetrative sex no matter how hard she tries and how skilful her partner is.
Philips added that she is lucky to be with a man who truly understands her body and how it works. He doesn’t judge her or get angry with her. He is a patient, skilful and loving guy, she noted.
“My current boyfriend makes sure I reach orgasm before he gets his own pleasure. I’m happy he’s not like some men who don’t care about their woman’s sexual needs,” she added.
Precious Bassey told Saturday Sun that a lot of factors contribute to the amount of time it takes her to reach orgasm. She noted that foreplay, the positions, penis length and skill of her partner will determine if she will get to that pleasurable destination on time or not.
Bassey said: “If I’m masturbating, it takes me three to five minutes to be satisfied. But if I’m with a man, it really depends on how good, skilled, patient and communicative he is.”
She said that some men don’t like listening to their women during sex and this has produced many sexually frustrated women, especially married women. “I don’t envy some married women, they are suffering. Their husbands believe sex is for procreation only, so these women are always left high and dry,” she added.
Bassey continued: “If a man wants me to reach orgasm on time, he needs to engage in oral sex first and then allow me be on top. That way, we will get to our erotic destination on time and happily too.”
Thirty-year-old Uduak Samuel avoids sex whenever she’s stressed. The young businesswoman based in Lagos told Saturday Sun that stress kills her sex drive and prevents her from enjoying a good time with her man.
She said that no matter how good a guy is with his hands and tongue, if she’s stressed, they won’t get anywhere. But if she’s relaxed, it takes her ten to 15 minutes to get to the promised land.
Samuel added that without stress, another thing that makes her quake with pleasure quickly is the spooning sex position. “This sex position makes me moan with pleasure and makes me orgasm in five minutes compared to other positions,” she said.
The first time Maria Oku experienced orgasm, she thought she was going to pass out from the intensity of the pleasure. She revealed that it was so because before she met her husband, no man had ever made her reach orgasm.
Oku stated that the number one problem with many men is impatience. They don’t want to put in the work and listen to how their women want to be touched. She said that their impatience cost women the pleasure they should be enjoying during sex.
According to Oku, her husband is the real deal. He buys sex toys for them to use. He buys lubricants and also engages in oral foreplay before penetration. She said she’s lucky to have married a man who makes her sexual satisfaction his priority.
Oku has been married for five years with two children but that doesn’t stop her and her husband from exploring each other’s bodies sexually. “We communicate a lot. We talk about what we want in bed. We reveal the positions we love and we work towards making each other satisfied in the other room,” she said.
Oku revealed that it takes her ten to 15 minutes to climax if all things are equal but when she’s angry with her husband, it takes her a longer time to arrive at that pleasurable destination.
When Saturday Sun asked Hannah Ibukun how long it takes for her to reach orgasms, she burst into laughter. According to the 31-year-old mother of one, when she is in her favourite position with her husband whispering dirty words into her ears, she reaches orgasm in ten minutes but if they are in any other position, it won’t happen that quickly.
“My husband knows my favourite position and if he’s not giving it to me in that position, we will take almost 30 minutes to get to there. If we engage in foreplay and start off with my favourite position, we reach orgasm together and it makes him very happy,” she said.
What is female orgasm?
A series of rhythmic contractions occur in the uterus, vagina, and pelvic floor muscles. The sexual tension caused by lovemaking or self-stimulation releases, and muscles throughout the body may contract. A feeling of warmth usually emanates from the pelvis and spreads throughout the entire body.
Women can achieve orgasm through a number of different means and types of stimulation.
The female orgasm continues to be the subject of intense scientific interest. Doctors puzzle over the different means by which women can achieve orgasm, and the things that can prevent orgasm in women.
