It was a Sunday afternoon, and the compound was filled with the sounds of children playing. Mothers sat under the mango tree, chatting about school fees, house chores, and the endless demands of parenting. The men? They were inside, catching up on the latest football matches, laughing over bottles of soft drinks, and engaging in heated debates about their favourite teams. It was a typical scene in many Nigerian homes; mothers bearing the weight of parenting while fathers focused on providing.
Chinedu sat among the men but was not fully present. His mind kept drifting to the argument he had with his wife that morning. “You are always too busy,” she had said in frustration. “The children need you too, not just your money.” At first, he had dismissed it. After all, was he not doing his best? He worked long hours, made sure the bills were paid, and ensured the children went to good schools. What more did she want? But now, as he watched his friends little daughter run into her fathers arms, giggling as he lifted her high, something tugged at his heart. Maybe, just maybe, his wife was right.
For too long, the role of fathers in parenting has been reduced to being providers. Society has conditioned men to believe that their primary duty is to earn a living while mothers handle the emotional, physical, and social upbringing of children. But parenting is a shared responsibility. The days when fathers were merely figureheads in the home are long gone. Today, more than ever, children need their fathers to be present, engaged, and emotionally involved.
Parenting is not just about paying school fees or enforcing discipline when things go wrong. It is about being there, truly being there. It is about knowing your childs favourite colour, the name of their best friend, what excites them, and what scares them. It is about listening when they talk, celebrating their small victories, and guiding them through their failures. It is about making memories that will last a lifetime.
Nigerian culture often glorifies the distant, authoritative father. He is the one who is respected but also feared. The one whose arrival at home sends children scrambling to adjust their behaviour. But what if, instead of fear, a fathers presence brought joy, security, and laughter? What if fathers became their childrens safe space, the person they run to when life becomes overwhelming?
For example, the story of Mr. Adewale. A successful businessman, he spent years building his empire, convinced that financial security was the best gift he could give his children. His wife did most of the parenting, attending school meetings, helping with homework, and managing the childrens emotional needs. It was not until his first son turned 18 and barely spoke to him that he realised something was missing. “I provided everything he needed, yet I felt like a stranger in his life,” he later admitted. It was a painful realisation, but one that changed him. He started spending more time at home, engaging in conversations, and showing up for his children in ways he never had before. It was not easy, but over time, he rebuilt the connection he had unknowingly lost.
What does it mean to be an involved father? It starts with presence. Being home, but emotionally unavailable does not count. It means being intentional about spending quality time with your children. It means turning off the television, putting down your phone, and engaging with them wholeheartedly.
It also means sharing responsibilities with your wife. Parenting is a partnership, not a one-person job. Help with homework, prepare a meal, change a diaper, take the children to school. These acts may seem small, but they speak volumes. They show your children that love is expressed through actions, not just words.
Communication is another critical aspect. Many Nigerian fathers struggle with expressing emotions, often because they were raised in homes where vulnerability was seen as weakness. But strength is not in silence; it is in connection. Talk to your children. Ask about their day. Share your own experiences. Let them know it is okay to feel, to express, and to seek support.
Discipline is important, but it should be balanced with love and guidance. Too many fathers believe that their role is to instil fear so that children behave. But true discipline is not about fear; it is about teaching. Children should understand why certain behaviours are unacceptable, not just that they will be punished for them. They should see their father as someone who corrects them with wisdom, not just with a cane.
Faith also plays a significant role. As a father, you are the spiritual leader of your home. Do your children see you pray? Do they hear you speak words of faith and encouragement? Leading by example is the most powerful way to shape their values. When fathers are actively involved in their childrens spiritual growth, it lays a foundation of strength that will guide them for life.
The truth is, children do not stay young forever. The years fly by, and before you know it, they are grown, making decisions on their own. The time to build a strong bond is now. It does not require grand gestures. just consistency, love, and effort.
Fathers, your children need you. Not just your money, not just your authority, but your time, your attention, and your heart. Step up. Be present. Be engaged. Because one day, when your children reflect on their childhood, it is not the school fees they will remember, but the moments they shared with you.
For further comment, please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0909 041 9057; [email protected]