Follow Us on Google
…To strengthen family bonds against turbulence, reduce rising divorce rate
By Bianca Iboma-Emefu
The world has come a long way from the day Adam got excited and poetic, upon sighting Eve for the first time in the Garden of Eden. On that day, he exclaimed: “This is the flesh of my flesh, the bone of my bones. She shall be called a woman!”
After witnessing that spontaneous expression of affection for Eve, the Almighty made a declaration, saying: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. The two shall become one flesh, no longer two.”
That was the beautiful origin of marriage.
However, the devil didn’t like this and has continuously devised ways to break couples apart. He gives spouses all manner of reasons, building on financial challenges, communication gaps, and seeming deficient conjugal sexual expression, to deceive and encourage them to break apart.
General Overseer and Global Lead Pastor of Evangel Pentecostal Church, Pastor Iheanyi Ejiogu, who has been teaching for a long time on marriage blames the increasing rate of divorce among Christians on faulty foundation.
To redress this and help build better marital relationships, Two Of A Kind, the fancy name given to the specialised non-denominational marriage ministry of the church, held a couples conference powered by the Pentecostal church at Sheraton Hotel and Towers, Ikeja, Lagos.
The well-attended event gave Pastor Ejiogu the opportunity to advise church leaders to intensify counselling for intending couples and watch out for troubled marriages to give the right advice, to stem the rise in the divorce rate.
“God is the foundation of marriage, He is the one that ordained marriage by himself, so until man understands that every secret of good marriage lies in God, there will be turbulence in marriages and increased divorce rate,’’ he said
He explained that several inexperienced marriage counsellors relied on their sense instead of the wisdom of God, adding that marriage is a spiritual union of two persons coming together to become one.
The cleric called for constant training and retraining of Christians on good practices to protect the marriage institution and elevate moral values in the home and society.
Elaborating on the essence of Christian marriage and the increased rate of domestic violence among other plights buffeting couples, he stressed reconciliation as a key element of managing marital relationships and making it work.
“Marriage is an integral part of the Christian faith. We are witnessing a siege on marriage leading to the increasing rate of divorce. The outcome is that many children are missing out on the benefits of proper, God-focused joint parenting by both the father and mother. I have been a relationship coach for over two decades and when ministry came I created a forum to address marital issues where couples can be as honest as ever, and address issues without the air of religious sentiment. We just wanted people to be able to address issues and trust that God can give clarity on how they can do better.
“The forum started five to six years ago though we have other events that attend to singles and married people.
“It’s been beautiful because I have seen toxic relationships turned into lovely unions after the spouses had sworn never to be together again. But six months later they reconciled. Someone had come to see me with a divorce letter, but two weeks later they were back together as a couple. The feedback has been excellent and fantastic, meaning that we are successful in the effort, energy, and time we are putting into making marriages work according to God’s original purpose,” the cleric said.
“Even if it’s just 10 per cent success, for the fact that we are making an impact, I am grateful. We would keep educating and teaching Biblical principles on marriage. In cases of violence and life-threatening situations, we encourage the couples to part ways, pending when the couples have gone through counselling and we are sure and convinced that they can make it work again. There must be a sign that both of them are willing to make amends and live in the same space.
“In the olden days, the women powder the bruises because they can’t leave their marriage. Presently, women are exposed and have become too expressive up to the point they need to learn from the older generation, who have an understanding that they can’t leave their marriage.”
The marriage conference was designed to be a forum for practical and real expressions, to help spouses learn from other people ways to improve their union and how to surmount some challenges.
A young couple, Mr. and Mrs. Chika Steven, who said they were counselled by Pastor Iheanyi Ejiogu before their wedding shared their marital experience. Hear Mrs Stevens: “Though we are enjoying our union, we came to get more wisdom. You can’t stop fuelling your car because you enjoy driving it. You do all the necessary things to maintain the car. We have come back here to grease the engine and oil our marriage by acquiring more information that can aid our marital bliss. My marriage is just two years old but it has been lovely. We were counselled but we kept thriving to make it work. We read books and attend marriage events just to spice up the union.
“You can’t do marriage without God because it would be extremely stressful. As a married couple, you need to study marriage and not work with our parents’ or friend’s script. You need to go back to your designer, who is God. Anything outside God will bring crisis. Marriage should be studied as God intended marriage to be.”
During a panel discussion, one of the panellists, Ernest Chinedu, explained the significant role money plays in marital relationships. He said one key role is financial stability, stressing that money is crucial for ensuring a stable household and meeting basic needs. Chinedu said money helps in planning for major life events such as buying a house, having children, or saving for retirement. He explained that money matters require open and honest communication between partners.
According to him, discussing income, expenses, and financial decisions builds trust and understanding. Couples who are transparent about their financial situation are more likely to navigate financial challenges effectively and avoid conflicts.
He said money often determines who has decision-making power within a relationship. When both partners have access to and control over money, decisions can be made jointly, ensuring a sense of equality and fairness, he noted.
Chinedu stressed that financial disagreements are one of the most common causes of conflict in marriages. Differing spending habits, debt, or financial mismanagement can strain the relationship. However, learning to navigate these disagreements and finding compromises can strengthen the bond between partners and improve overall communication skills.
“Money management in a marriage is crucial for long-term financial security. Planning for retirement, saving for emergencies, and investing wisely are all essential aspects of building a secure future together. Couples who are financially secure are often better equipped to weather unforeseen circumstances and enjoy a comfortable retirement. Overall, money is an important aspect of a marriage relationship.”
The Head of Two of A Kind Ministry, Mrs. Oby Chuma-Ugbo, who is a Public Relations expert and Fellow of the Nigerian Institute of Public Relations, gave insight to the core purpose of the ministry and its mandate which is to help couples discover flaws that affect marriage and make amends, to strengthen the marital bond. She said focusing on the identified shortcomings and doing the right things about them would allow couples to enjoy conjugal bliss.
Raising godly children, she stressed, is an important goal for many parents, regardless of the economic situation. While economic challenges can present additional obstacles, there are still practical ways to instil biblical values and raise children with strong spiritual foundations, she stated.
She proffered tips on parenting toward godliness, especially during tough economic times: “Parents should lead by example. Children learn by observing their parents’ actions. Ensure that your own behaviour reflects the values you want to instil in your children. Cultivate a lifestyle of integrity, compassion, generosity, and faithfulness, even when faced with economic challenges.
“Teach biblical principles; incorporate regular teaching and discussion about the Bible and its principles in your family routine. Discuss stories and passages that emphasize values such as honesty, kindness, gratitude, humility, and stewardship. Use age-appropriate language and examples that your children can understand and relate to. Cultivate a habit of family prayer and worship. Encourage your children to pray, both individually and as a family, expressing gratitude, seeking guidance, and asking for God’s provision. Regularly attend religious services or engage in online worship and encourage children to actively participate and ask questions.”
She urged parents to help their children develop a personal relationship with God.
Hear her: “Foster an environment where children feel comfortable asking questions about faith and discussing their spiritual journey. Promote acts of service and generosity, by teaching children the importance of helping others, especially those who are less fortunate, and thereby encourage them to share their resources or time or even use their talents to help others.
“Parents should prioritize family time and communication. The quality time spent together as a family is crucial for imparting godly values. Make the most of the time you have by regularly engaging in meaningful conversations, sharing stories, discussing life issues, and providing guidance based on biblical principles.
“Foster a sense of gratitude and contentment, Despite economic challenges, encourage gratitude for what you do have rather than focusing on what you lack. Teach children to appreciate the simple blessings in life and instil contentment rather than a desire for material things. Emphasize the value of hard work and responsibility: Teach your children the importance of a strong work ethic, responsibility, and perseverance. Even in tough times, encourage them to set goals, work towards them, and trust in God’s provision.”
In addition, she said that parents should remember that every child is different, and each family’s situation is unique. So couples should adapt the tips to their particular circumstances while striving to maintain a focus on godly values.
“The pursuit of wealth often demands excessive time and energy, leaving parents with limited opportunities to connect with their children meaningfully. Regular communication, quality time, and shared experiences form the basis of healthy parent-child relationships. By devoting more attention to their children and moulding godly values, parents can establish stronger bonds and set the stage for open, trust-based marital relationships in the future,” she asserted.
