Several times I have heard GenZ ladies say that they would not hesitate to cheat on their husbands in retaliation if they first cheated on them.
After all, they argue, no one is specially meant to eat the same soup all the time, whether married or not. This kind of thinking is crazy stuff and not a matter to be taken lightly. Maybe, I am old fashioned and all that, but I have GenZ relations, both male and female. Therefore, I have a God-given responsibility to guide them on the right path.
No matter the quickening pace of sexual liberty, the fact still remains that when spouses begin to engage in “cheat and I will cheat” war, it means that they have set the marital union on the road to destruction and dissolution, it will definitely not survive.
The thought or even the act may appeal at the moment as the devil eggs on the lady, but the fact is that the lady will suffer more if the union breaks down.
When a union breaks down because the lady was engaged in obvious adultery, the society is not as tolerant as it would be towards the man who did the same thing. Remember the story of the woman in the Bible who was said to have been “caught in adultery, in the very act.”
While the woman was dragged by men, the unholy enforcers, to the Lord Jesus, for judgement nobody said anything about the man – as if the woman committed the adulterous act all by herself.
Though this column does not condone adultery by men, by any stretch of the imagination, women are made of finer stuff (processed material) unlike the raw earth used to create man.
Perhaps, it is the “earthiness” of the man that makes him hold firmly to the flawed belief that he can behave like the bee, going from blossom to blossom for nectar while woman stays for one man.
At creation intended that one man will be married to wife and together they build a lifetime relationship. But then the devil spoiled the beautiful arrangement.
No matter how much Hollywood and social media have tried to glamorise infidelity and immorality, there is still no gain in either. That should resound in the heart and mind of GenZ ladies who say they will retaliate against a cheating husband by equally cheating on him. This errant thinking, simple and short. It does not solve the problem, not in the least.
It should be known and accepted that cheating, either by men or women is wrong and completely ungodly. It has never and will never be a solution to marital issues, instead it will worsen the situation.
Now, looking at various dimensions and experiences of life, there have been several cases where men cheated and committed sexual offences, yet they were set free. The only sexual offence firmly held against men is rape or abuse of a minor. Otherwise, when a man cheats on his wife with the sister-in-law, female colleagues, house help, female neighbour, he is very likely to be supported by some other men. We have seen men rattle little girls much younger than their daughters, and this was considered acceptable by men of their ilk. Some men marry very young girls in their teens or maintain adolescents as side chicks – that is also thought to be good and okay. But if a 50-year-old lady dates a 25-year-old man, some netizens will initiate a campaign against it on social media platforms.
In the African cultural setting where cheating by men is tolerated, ladies who have vowed to retaliate by also cheating should bear some facts in mind. First and foremost, sex is a physical thing to a man while it is both physical and emotional for a woman. That is the clear difference. Naturally, a man will have sex with a woman because he wants sex. A woman gets involved in sexual activities with a man because she wants the man and not sex per se. A man can have sex simply because it is sex, but for a woman, she does it because of love, not sex.
For those women who claim they are ready to retaliate against their husbands by similar acts of cheating, be mindful that before a woman engages in sexual pleasure, she must have the feelings. The emotional attachment to the said man must be there. All the erotic dimensions of love must be arrested. These are not easy decisions to make without thoughtfulness, just like that. It takes some soul searching and conviction for a woman to agrees to the act.
While not advocating for the men to become serial cheats, hardly would a woman have sex with a man she does not love, except if she is a prostitute. For a man, the reverse is the case. He can do it with anyone and clean his mouth. He might not have any iota of love or feeling for a woman yet have sex with her. This is exactly the reason men hire prostitutes just to have sex with and dump them immediately thereafter. He does not need to love the prostitute before fulfilling his sexual desire; but it is more of a difficult task for a woman to cheat like that. Women who try it end up living a lowly poor life. She would be treated with much contempt. The shame, regret and humiliation will forever haunt her. Children yet unborn will hear the story of her adultery. The story of the woman caught in adultery in the Bible is still being read and lessons about God’s forgiveness are taught from it.
Understandably, women should realize that a man can have sex with a woman just to fulfill his sexual desire. He can achieve that through giving the woman money, taking her out and buying her expensive gifts because he needs sex from her and not the lady. This again is the reason men cheat without caution, disappoint women they have violated sexually, dump them and find love somewhere else. Women are not created to do all these; they are rather hidden.
Again, women who want to retaliate with sexual rascality hold your peace. Look at the man you want to cheat with, see if he is worth that expensive joke. Also, know the consequences when the cheating leaks. Are you sure he is worth all the trouble? If you want to be sure of your cheating partner, do not give him sex immediately and see if he truly cares about you. If he leaves you for not “putting out” then he does not care a hoot about you. He was only looking for sex, which is just what he needs from you and nothing else. When he gets it, he will take off.
Therefore, look before you leap. Cheating will never be a solution to marital differences, no matter who is involved. When a partner uses cheating as a yardstick to hurt his or her partner, the guilt will forever remain and haunt him or her.
Note the difference between golden age mothers and the present generation of mothers. “I will cheat on my husband” was never the language of mothers of yester-years. They were loyal women, oh yes wives and never would they think of retaliating on their men.
Today, the devil has emboldened unwise and ungodly ladies, who of course have lost their sense of morality. Know it ladies that even with civilization, education and the internet age, responsibility and standard practice must have its place.
To GenZ ladies as you grow up and get close to embarking on a marital journey, know that you can only choose a husband for yourself. Your children will not choose a father for themselves, the burden lies upon you to choose their father for them. Therefore, be sure of that husband you are choosing. Let him be an indisputable responsible father and friend to your children.
Before saying ‘I do’, be sure you have built a career path or have plans for such that will empower you as a woman. Do not forget to be an exemplary wife and mother to your children. A woman can raise a hero and not a zero.
When you remember that a wedding ring is the smallest handcuff, then choose a responsible prison mate and sentence yourselves wisely to avoid prison break instead of retaliating with cheating.
The best way to retaliate is through communication, bonding and romantic intimacy. When you play these cards, the cheating partner will come back on bended knees, and turn a a new leaf.