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Globally, it has been the practice for a woman to adopt the surname of the husband right from the day both of them are joined in marriage, either through church or court wedding. In the African setting, this expectation is even stronger.
Whether openly expressed or not, the new husband feels a sense accomplishment at having a woman who shares his surname. in marital journey. A wife bearing her husband’s name is part of the man’s mantle of leadership. This is because he would introduce his wife with pride. It is not so for a man who would introduce a wife with a name that does not correspond with his. It does not sit well with such husbands at all.
Most newspaper houses have “Change of Name” pages, which are extensively patronized by newly married women, who happily announce that they are no longer available, by publishing their marital surnames.
Women who do not change their surnames after marriage are perceived to be rebellious, stubborn and sad. True to African tradition, it is compulsory for a woman to drop her father’s name and bear her husband’s name from the day of the wedding.
However, it is to be noted that there is no law which compels women to change their surnames to that of the husband after marriage. A growing number of women now believe that the expectation that a married woman should adopt the husband’s surname is one of the practices that should have become extinct just like the dinosaurs.
Women that feel this way, now have good company. A fast growing number of women have found love and comfort in retaining their father’s surname as of choice, even after wedding. This is becoming a very big contemporary issue shaking the foundation of many marriages. Instead of dropping their father’s name, they make it a double-barrel name, which is a combination of their maiden and husbands’ surnames. Sisters, this is wrong. Using your father’s surname should stop right after wedding.
Interestingly, most families do not support their legally married daughters to rebelliously refuse to bear their husband’s names. Once a lady’s marital status changes the fact should be properly reflected in her surname. Ladies who refuse to surrender their maiden names should know that another man’s dowry is on their head and not that of their fathers. That man who has paid dowry deserves his wife’s change of name to his. Her new home is where her inheritance mostly resides for some tribes.
Now, the issue of double-barrel name emerges out of true love in most cases. Some women lovingly and excitedly decide to bear their husbands both names as their entitlement. ChiChi Chinedu-Opara who resides in the US said: “I personally chose to bear my husband’s double name especially for my children’s document and to also identify whose name we bear. He comes from a polygamous family and we needed to distinguish the man we bear his name, especially when children are involved. This is also for protection and inheritance. A Nollywood celebrity’s wife who was messed up in marriage still bears her husband’s name even as their divorce gets messy. When asked why she retained her ex’s name, she said, “As a family, that is the appropriate name for the family. I am retaining it because of the children’s travel documents. Changing my name will interfere with the children’s documents and rightful place. I decided to keep his name to correspond with all documents.”
Truth be told, ladies who ignore their husband’s names completely to retain their father’s name might not be getting it right. Some have said they do so for various reasons. Patricia Nelson said her case is for professional and personal identity. “Well, I retained my maiden name because I have put in a lot of academic work, term papers, published professional manual and books. I have made a lot of academic contributions to be ignored. Not boasting, I had achieved a well-established career with my maiden name before marriage came my way. That is the reason I chose to bear Dr. Mrs. Patricia Nelson-James. You can see that my qualifications came before the title of marriage. However, do not forget that my father bore all the bills that got me to where I am today. Anyway, my husband thinks I should go for a complete change of name now that I am married. We are still arguing over it.”
For a Nollywood actress who retained her maiden name, her reason is pure business sense, as explained in an interview: “It is a brand I built over the years before I got married. My husband and I agreed to keep the brand. It is a very integral part of my identity because I have built a career under my maiden name. Changing it will be a bit confusing and mixed up. It is the name on the lips of many Nigerians at home and in the Diaspora, who see me on the screen always.”
Most ladies who retain their maiden name are most often writers, accomplished academics and celebrities. Francisca Onyeri retained her maiden name, to challenge tradition and prevent the loss of her father’s assets. She said: “I am an only child. Most of my parents’ inheritance and family assets are in documented in my name. Therefore, changing my name to my husband’s name might attract encroachment from relatives and outsiders. My father carefully registered all his properties in my name. Now that he is no longer living, I am married with children. I have sat with my lawyer to put some into trust funds and foundations with adequate board members. The main reason I kept my father’s name is to preserve family heritage and identity.
Chigoziri Onwamaegbu is a lawyer, and his submission on the issue is simple: “Once a woman is married, she should change her maiden name to her husband’s surname immediately. That is why newspapers provide change of name for women who are married.
Tolu, a lawyer was blessed by her father on their wedding day. The father gave her a twin-duplex in the heart of Victoria Island, Lagos, on the wedding day. Not long after their wedding, they faced eviction, because the owner needed to prepare if for his children who lived abroad. Tolu suggested that they move into the house her father gave her. First, her husband, Biodun, rejected the suggestion on the ground that the property was in the wife’s name, and vehemently refused to move into it. “The moment I move in there, all my respect would vanish.” He preferred to rent another apartment while waiting to finish building their new house.
Again, double-barrel name also comes as a result of style. Some see is as keeping up with the Joneses. It is in vogue, fashionable and shows some kind of a class. Therefore, since some ladies are doing it, others want to do the same, not knowing the reason for the names so adopted.
Though, some of such double-barrel names are accepted by some husbands, especially when a woman coins it from her husband’s names. It is usually a win-win situation for the man.
Dear sisters, once you are married, please honour your husbands’ surnames, by adopting them. Otherwise, when a woman’s father’s surname comes before a husband’s surname, that is evidence of the decay in our African traditional values. Women who do not accept their husband’s surname evidently have not accepted the new family. Literarily, it means she might return to her father’s home one day. Nigerian and African conventional practice is that once a lady is married, she should drop the father’s surname and respectfully bear her husband’s surname.
