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Whenever women gather for conferences or retreats, toxic marriage is one issue that is discussed. Women are taught how to cope with a toxic and narcissistic husband. They are taught ways and means to safely exit from such marital relationships that have become detrimental to them.
One major reason such conferences are well attended is that women find such events a good escape, even if for a few hours, from the situation they face in their marital relationships. A whole lot of women are simply tired and bored. They find themselves stuck in an unfulfilling marriage. They come to look for a way out.
It is somewhat disturbing that men and women who have lived together for several years now regret being married to their spouses. They wish the hand of the clock could just turn backwards and allow them to start afresh with a different person. This is because most have lost interest in their spouses and now dislike the personality, attitudes and general conduct of those spouses. What they did not notice previously or ignored in the past now loom large, prominent and distasteful. Many now wish that a magic wind would just blow and something happens automatically for a complete or corrected version of a new partner. Both men and women are involved in the doubt and regret system of marriage. Some thought they had caught a big fish when they started only to regret as the years rolled by.
Now, the introduction of social media has had a big hit on marriages. Some fell by the way side, while some resisted the vice in social media and won the battle.
Not mincing words, in all the accusations, the most horrible is the draconian infidelity. Unfaithfulness leads while other offences follow. No man or woman wants to share his man and woman with another person; but it has become the order of the day. The same way married men hide under the social media to commit softly heinous infidelity crimes, so also are the women hiding to catch their groove. Many women are almost competing with their men in terms of unfaithfulness without minding whose ox is gored. It has become an unhealthy competition between men and women until they are caught in the act. Social media became the platform and hiding canvas that facilitates the act. Between the lies, suspicion and the real act of infidelity orchestrated by the social media is a huge problem to marriages. So many couples live without knowing and operating each other’s android phone and other screens.
Meanwhile, a couple are supposed to be two souls that beat as one. One then wonders why they are strangers to each other’s properties. Many couples use phones to heap and cover up a lot of lies that are very obvious. It became so bad that a social media influencer advised men who comment on single ladies’ posts to henceforth address it as…. “On behalf of my wife and children, we wish you a happy birthday.’ Next time, do not comment as if you are single. So also, men who are married to GenZ wives would command them to thread softly on life, fashion, and excessive use of social media. To his wife Felix said, “You are a married woman, dress well and back your baby, so that other men would know you are married.” The same influencer also cautioned men who go to the bank to smile at customer service girls\ladies. She has said to them, “Go home and smile at your wives.” Infidelity has rocked so many marriages and the worst is that it is not about ending soon.” It has become a pass-on-the-touch of a sort.
Regrettably, the same manner in which men think the hand of the clock should turn is also the same way the women think. A simple survey that tested women on the Facebook platform asked women ‘If there is re-incarnation, would you marry your present spouse? The responses were fun-filled going through the comment section. Most times, responses are true reflections of one’s thought and mind. It is from those comments that it became obvious that most women are in utter regret of their marriages. Some friendly parents have brought their children together in marriage, unknown to them, happiness eludes them and all hell is let loose.
Shockingly, when Kenneth and Pamela met as young graduates during their Orientation camp and national service year, after two years of their relationship, it was Oh! Yes, from all angles. Both focused on the marriage celebration and not building the relationship until Kenneth began to complain loudly. He said “Pam’s personality changed dramatically from the person I knew. Honestly, I regret marrying her for her cover-up lies. This problem lingered until divorce became certain for the roommates who went their separate ways.
Michael Smith outrightly said in his case “I regret that I am married to the wrong woman. I was too immature, naive and too eager to have made the wrong choice of a woman at the time I did. She has no iota of respect for my parents. I just realized that nothing makes her happy. In that mood swing, she disregards my family and I do not like that. I can not tell who she is.
Oladapo Adedeji said “One of the greatest mistakes I made in life was to have moved into my wife’s apartment that her father gave us as a wedding gift. I felt the relationship would be as sweet as the first day we met. It was just a mild argument, next I heard was, ‘don’t forget this is my house.’ Apart from the lies she told me about her son from an estranged relationship who she refers to as her youngest brother, I broke down in tears and regretted ever knowing her and her family. Her definition of our family puts her mother at the head of the table while mine does not.
In the same attitude, a husband like Arthur Samuel who overwhelms his wife with poor conduct made the wife regret her marriage relationship with him. Arthur and Betty’s quick marriage was prompted because Betty’s younger sisters were all married. She jumped at Arthur who never loved her. That my husband would ask me to kneel down and draw his belt to discipline a woman who lies skin to skin with is simply outrageous.
Anulika Ojiog, a dentist says she is in a deep turmoil because Andrew, her husband of 17-years who is a civil servant does not appreciate her at all. “I took his calm nature for granted not knowing, it is a combination of poverty of thought content and ill manners to stay quiet. He prefers women outside our home and talks down on me at the slightest opportunity. He is always comparing me with other women he finds around him. If I gain or lose weight, he complains, none is acceptable to him and that makes me very uncomfortable around him. One day, he told me, “with your dressing, I might find it difficult to go out with you.” These are all regrettable comments and feelings.
Dear men and women, get it right. Many get into marriage with a backlog of their previous relationships. Some still miss their ex. In that situation, they try to compare their husband or wife with their present partner and that leads to confusion in the relationship.
Anyone who thinks his or her ex is worthy, why didn’t he or she settle down with you? It is criminal for a spouse to live and miss his or her ex. It is pure rubbish! “I have heard a woman cry and long for her ex- who dumped her and moved on with another woman.
Men and women, wake up from this moment, for the fact that you were dumped for another man or woman is the more reason why you should dump him or her five times. Treat him like nobody and move on well. Moving-on does not mean to sleep around, No. Take a fresher’s course and go back for other life accomplishments like more degrees, better jobs, hard work that will bring life’s fulfillment and happiness.
Finally, a man who has crowned a woman with marriage and good behavior deserves the best treatment and approach. All regrets would disappear if people conduct themselves very well, communicate, forgive and be responsible. Above all, marriage is an institution ordained by God, when it is committed into the hand of God, it becomes heaven on earth.
