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The first few months and years of marriage are usually the most contentious. I remember in my early years as a husband, I would be driving and admiring nature. My wife, Ifeoma, had a way of knowing when my eyes strayed to look at a beautiful lady. She would shout, “What are you looking at?” And I would quip, “What do you mean? Can’t I look at my side mirror again while driving? Face your front and leave me alone!”
Marriage could be fun. But it is the couple who will make it so. According to the scriptures, our first parents, Adam and Eve, had fun in the Garden of Eden, until they disobeyed God by eating the forbidden fruit.
It was in the year 2000 that I went in search of my own missing rib. When I found her and we agreed to live together like Adam and Eve, we started planning for our wedding.
To cut the long story short, we did our traditional marriage in December 2000 and white wedding at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church, Isuofia, in Aguata Local Government Area of Anambra State, on January 1, 2001.
Since that unique day and year of our marriage, we have experienced ups and downs. We quarrel like every other couple. We argue a lot. Sometimes, we won’t talk to each other for days. But even then we have always slept on the same bed; and she has never stopped cooking and serving my food. Somehow, we always find a way of mending fences without the intervention of any third party.
Marriage is an institution where learning is constant. My religion tells me that it is for better, for worse. But these days, it is no longer so for many couples. I have seen marriages that get dissolved after one month. Some even crash on the wedding day.
In Nigeria, there is a rise in divorce rates. According to Divorce.com, a United States-based website, Nigeria ranked 11th globally, recording 2.9 per cent or 1.8 divorces per 1,000 people in 2023. The North and the South-South regions reportedly have the highest rates. The South-East has the lowest rate mainly because of the influence of the Catholic Church.
Divorce.com notes that among the factors that influence divorce are women’s financial independence, infidelity, physical violence, financial stress and modern values. Women are said to be taking the initiative in divorce more than men in sub-Saharan Africa, especially Nigeria.
At 5.52 per cent, Maldives has the highest divorce rate in the world. It is followed by such countries as Russia (3.9 per cent), Moldova (3.8 per cent) and Georgia (3.8 per cent). India has the lowest rate at 0.01 per cent. This is because, in India, marriage is said to be highly valued and divorce is stigmatized. Vietnam, Sri Lanka and Peru also have low divorce rates of 0.2 per cent each.
The major problem these days is that many couples lack patience. They don’t have perseverance, understanding, spirit of forgiveness and tolerance. They fail to understand that they are two different individuals with different characters and orientations. I once heard the story of a couple who divorced because of how to use toothpaste. The man was used to pressing the paste from the base, while the woman could press from the middle. The man wanted the woman to press from the base to keep the paste smooth and neat. The woman would hear none of that. This little issue engendered serious quarrel, which later led to their divorce. There are many similar cases.
No human being is perfect. Understanding this fact is a major path to a great marriage. My successes today as a journalist can partly be attributed to my wife. I have told the story on a number of occasions.
It so happened that I married her as a young reporter with the Independent Communications Network Limited (ICNL), publishers of TheNews and defunct Tempo magazines as well as PM News. I was their Port Harcourt correspondent. My salary then was small. Sometime in 2003, I got a call from Mr. Simon Utebor, a friend working with The Punch Newspaper in Lagos then. He told me that The Punch needed a correspondent in Abia State and Owerri, the Imo State capital, and I should recommend someone to them. I mentioned this to my wife. I usually discuss practically everything with her. Her sharp response was, “You are looking for someone. What about you? Are you saying you don’t need the job?”
I told her pointedly that I couldn’t work in The Punch. I narrated the story of how difficult it was to work in The Punch and how the company could hire you today and fire you tomorrow. Though its salary was huge, and still is, compared to other newspapers in the country, I preferred to remain where I was. My wife’s response was interesting. She said, “If they sack people anyhow, it’s not for you. The problem you have is that you don’t know your worth. You are not anybody and The Punch will not sack you.”
For over one week, she continued pestering me to apply to The Punch. Every morning, she would wake me up and the first statement would be, “Have you applied?” Though I was extremely furious at her disturbance, I later succumbed. I applied and went through written and oral tests. I passed and was posted to Abia State in August 2003 as a senior correspondent. My first surprise was that my allowance for the one month I stayed in Lagos for orientation was far higher than my entire salary in ICNL. My salary was almost five times higher than what I received in my previous organization.
When I moved to Abia State, I decided to make Aba, the commercial capital of the state, my base. But I made sure I visited my young family in Port Harcourt, the Rivers State capital, every weekend. In March 2004, I was transferred to Lagos. My wife was heavily pregnant for our second child. Depressed and angry, I called her and yelled, “You see what you have caused? When I told you I didn’t want to work at The Punch, you didn’t listen to me. Now, barely six months in Aba, they have transferred me to Lagos. You see what you have caused?”
On hearing this, my wife chanted praises to God. I was literally mad. I shouted, “You must be out of your mind. They are separating me from you people, and you are happy!” Calmly, she replied, “You will see what will happen to you. Now your star will shine. What are you even doing in the East? Lagos is where you are meant to be.”
Well, soon after I moved to Lagos, things started falling into pleasant places. I won The Punch Employee of the Year in 2005. The company gave me a huge gift just as my framed picture was hung in the lobby of the newspaper for one year. That same year, I travelled to Cardiff, the capital of Wales in the United Kingdom, for an international colloquium on role of journalists in facilitating pluralistic democracy in multi-cultural societies. It was sponsored by the British Council and I was the only black African among the 14 young journalists from different parts of the world who attended the programme. I spent two weeks in Cardiff for the programme.
The following year, I got the Chevening Scholarship to do my master’s degree in International Journalism at Cardiff University. That was between 2006 and 2007. In 2008, when I had returned to The Punch after my studies, the company appointed me Editor of Sunday Punch. I voluntarily left as a senior member of the Editorial Board in January 2013 to pursue other life endeavours.
So far, I have many reasons to thank God for 25 years of my marriage. Two of my daughters, Favour and Kosisochukwu, have graduated from the university. The first one is an engineer. The second one is a microbiologist. The last of the three, Ebubenna, is currently in third year studying political science in the university.
I thank God for the peace in my home. I also thank all those who, in one way or the other, have shaped our lives to what it is today. I specially thank our parents and siblings who endured our shortcomings. Special gratitude to Rev. Fr. Emmanuel Nwafor, who laboured to get for me and my wife, Apostolic Blessing from Pope Leo XIV in Rome. He bore the cost of framing it and sending it to Nigeria. I felt very pleased receiving the honour from the Parish Priest of St. Patrick’s Catholic Church, Isuofia, Rev. Fr. Jude Mbanefo, at the thanksgiving and anniversary Mass on New Year day.
There are many other friends, relatives, in-laws, and well-wishers who came from far and near to celebrate with us on our anniversary day. Many of them gave us wonderful gifts. Some prayed for us to celebrate golden jubilee. They are too numerous to mention one by one. My wife and I can’t thank you enough. We remain ever grateful and wish that younger couples can imbibe tolerance, love and steadfastness in their relationship. May we all have a prosperous New Year!
