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Truly, someone’s happiness does not always depend on another human being, be it a spouse, children, relatives or friends. Yes, good relationships could create some happy moments, but such relationships do not constitute a determinant factor for real happiness. Agreed, marriage is beneficial in that it creates companionship, and enables godly procreation and a sense of fulfilment. However, it is increasingly not meeting the expectations of many who no longer find the thought of getting into it exciting.
To a large extent, whatever gives one inner peace, joy, contentment, satisfaction, confidence and commitment is what every living soul needs. If a particular person believes that marriage can provide all these things just mentioned, then such a person should go ahead and plunge into it with full conviction and make the best of it.
Nigerians are still caught in the reverberation of the recent breakup of two popular Nollywood personalities. Their divorce has once again pushed front and centre the belief held by many that being married is not the ultimate source of happiness. When news of the breakup hit the Instagram page of the ‘fine-boy’ actor; it was shocking and went viral. Instead of commenting on the posts, netizens cried over the parting of the duo, whose marriage looked like a perfect union made in heaven. A glance through their pages, one could see the raw beauty of a wife, a hunk that is every woman’s dream in several breathtaking, romantic photos at various spots ranging from airports, parks, parties, pool-side, gym, and other fun-seeker spots and their abode, among other elegant locations. One could also see the air of freshness, wealth, greatness, unity and a happy family. which the public now knows was not truly happy. Is it to be understood that the numerous Instagram posts were simply a make-believe happiness? When the curtain finally fell on the marital drama, the male half of the glamorous couple captured the pain in these words: “A sad reality I prayed, nurtured and worked tirelessly hard never to experience for the sake of all. A sad reality that is sad for my loving and adorable children but necessary for a peaceful and loveable future.” All these showed that the couple used beautiful, photoshopped social media pictures to cover up their inadequacies, while their pictures were admired by all and sundry. When the chips were down, it all ended with irreconcilable differences, in the usual manner of celebrity marriages, once again proving that marriage does not guarantee happiness. If they were happy together, they would have been able to manage and smoothen out the rough edges and continue on the marital journey together. The breakup proves the truth that “all that glitters is not gold.” As celebrities, both glittered in their expensive fashionable clothes. They looked so good together, but happiness was far from them. Marriage should bind two mature minds, who can withstand the pressure of the institution.
Simply put, so many men and women are in deep regret over their marriages because of one reason or the other. Moreover, they feel that marriage has become a plague or a union of torment and unending regret. For them, what should have been a haven of joy, companionship, affection and loving care is akin to hell on earth. Truth be told, some men and women go into the marriage with hidden tendencies that eventually manifest as inferiority complex, jealousy and bitterness. After meeting in the bank where she worked, Nestor and Mary fell in love and it led to a beautiful marriage celebration. Not long after, Nestor’s family began to gripe about his wife. And he began to complain that Mary always went to work so early and came back late at night, and often wore tight-fitted mini-skirts even as a married woman. He threatened to divorce her if she did not change. Mary laughed hard and asked: “You saw me in the bank and admired me; you introduced me to your family as ‘my banker wife’, you loved and enjoyed the proceeds of my business because I was in charge of foreign exchange transactions. Suddenly, I have become the mini-skirt wearing wife, who leaves home early and comes home late. Nestor, I am ready to go my separate way.” Clearly, Nestor wanted to destroy Mary’s blossoming career as a banker just to be seen as husband-in-charge.
In the same vein, all the years that I have known Margaret, her ambition was to be known as Dr. Mrs. After she got married, she informed the husband of her plans to pursue her PhD programme. He refused vehemently because he wondered how she would be addressed as Dr. Mrs. while he would be addressed simply as Mr. Mary wept profusely and tried to make him understand, stressing, “I am not asking you to pay, I will create balance between the home front and my PhD studies.” When he husband remained adamant and unyielding, she hated him and divorced him immediately after her father’s death.
I need to state that this piece is not against marriage, but honestly marriage can kill some cherished dreams outright. Take the case of Tony, a salesman, who in 1984 won the United States visa lottery. Dora, his girlfriend, discouraged him from travelling out of the country. Both became live-in-lovers and started having children. Each time Tony saw his cousin’s return from the US, he would be downcast and filled with regret over his poor decision years ago, and wish the hand of the clock could turn for a better decision.
Again, some marriages have produced children who brought shame and killed their parents unintentionally. Is there any parent that would be proud of a son who is an armed robber/kidnapper, or a daughter who has turned into a baby factory, giving birth to babies that are then sold? Inferiority complex in marriage is another factor that has pushed happiness away and caused various problems. Those women who suspect every move and fight their husbands in public lack confidence. Why would you always think a sidechick would snatch your husband if you are a wife worthy of that description? If you are truly a wife, both your husband and the sidechick would respect you. Your husband would not want to lose a ‘good thing’ and the sidechick would tread softly.
I have heard people say that a thinline separates marriage from hell. This is somewhat true when you remember the several cases where spouses have killed their partners. One then realizes that marriage is not a haven of total happiness. The reason is that if those who were killed in the course of marriage were not married, at least they would have been alive to breathe and see the world. While some are enjoying their unions, some brood about theirs as they hopelessly look at the ceiling.
Dear Nigerians, the earlier we realize that true happiness is not found only in marriage it would be better for men and women. Honestly, some marriages are sweet while some are painful, but wherever one finds oneself, know that God established marriage and it can be enjoyed when His Spirit guides the two people engaged in the union.
