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Who is your bestie? If you belong in the old testament and don’t therefore understand new testament parlance, the opening poser must be re-asked. Who is your best friend? And, how did both of you arrive at that critical conclusion?
Everyone needs a best friend. Everyone has a best friend. Your parent or sibling or mate or priest or mentor or teacher or counsellor or boss or leader or client or partner or colleague can be your best friend. Meaning: own offspring or disciple or mentee or student or follower or subordinate or dependant can be your best friend.
Anyone can become anyone’s best friend. Life is wired so. Best friend is not trapped in age, class, education, gender, politics, race, religion nor the professions. Black can be best friends with white; ditto rich with poor, small with big, etc.
Furthermore, your best friend can belong in the best or worst cadre. That is, it is possible for your best friend to be a good or horrible person. This is a function of three factors. One, who you yourself are; two, who you prefer as a best friend and above all, three, how much of your best friend you know.
Some of us have handed over our lives to human snakes and scorpions in the name of best friend. Some of us pick up best friends so randomly and carelessly and stupidly. Some of us change best friends like we do clothes, as if it is child’s play. Some of us ignore repeated signs that our best friend is not it, rather than cutting them off and fleeing for life or sanity.
However: if you like a bad best friend as I know some people do, please keep them. They are good company since they suit your choices. You both are headed where all stubborn bad best friends end up. Foolish alone, die alone.
I have said my own. Don’t come tomorrow to tell me stories that touch. I am tired of had-I-known tales. I have told you my own.
It is easy to know your best friend and even easier to know a bad best friend. They try too hard to impress. They are better friends to excuses. They prefer their convenience and comfort and privacy.
They are easily envious of and angry with you. They complain all the time; always asking for this or that favour and taking offence the few times you couldn’t. They always want you apologising or begging them. They take advantage of you too often.
It is always about them. With abandon, they run you down behind and in front of you sometimes playfully. With glee, they downplay your achievements, hide opportunities from you and praise you only bitterly. With mischief, they can’t help themselves when it comes to criticising you; they magnify your errors but understate your feats. With hate, they are constantly in some cold competition with you; always feeling entitled or better.
A best friend who subtracts value; who brings nothing to the table of love, is that one a best friend? A best friend who is parasite or sycophant, is that it? A best friend who secretly plots evil, who wants? A best friend who gossips for Africa, who can manage?
You need nobody to tell you that your so-called best friend who throws you under the bus no matter the reason is a bad ‘un. A bad best friend fluctuates in loyalty and love; sides with you when it suits and with your enemies more often than not. A good-for-nothing best friend is with you in the day to gather information with which to harm you and with your opposition in the night, broadcasting your secrets. If you recover or live to tell the story of betrayal by your best friend but are so foolish to continue in the foolery, we pray you don’t wake up six feet deep when it is too late to know or do something.
Stop and think, this instant. This is your last chance. Run your mind through the journey with your best friend. How do they stand?
Or, are you the bad best friend; the problem child of your friendship? You must change, today; now. Renew your mind; immediately. In fact, kneel down; let me exorcise you of that nonsense spirit.
Say after me, even if you don’t want to. In fact, raise your hands. Now, say after me and mean it in your heart. Dear Father, help me to be a real or better best friend.
Heal me of my friendly enemy nature on which frequency I have operated, man and boy. Teach me, Lord, to be a best friend like Jesus. Let me never be dismissive, never judgmental, never hasty. Let me be ever loving, ever present, ever receptive.
My God, I declare that no power can lead me back to my old ways. I am free, I am healed, I am made whole. Above all, I pray that my best friend remains kind and reasonable towards me, in Jesus’s Name. Aaaaaaaaaaamen!
Back to where the spirit swept us off. Going by the aforementioned parameters, how does your best friend stand on the frenometer? Be bold and tell me. Is your best friend an idiot (lightweight loser) or a sweet soul (heavyweight champion)?
If an idiot, I need you to know that there’s no cure. A fantastically idiotic lightweight loser is set in their ways. You flog a dead horse if you think you can preach to them successfully. Instead, pay attention in order to not miss the new, real best friend who has just come on your radar.
On the other hand, if you have all along been blessed by an exemplary best friend, thank your stars. Best friend is too scarce, too expensive, too difficult to get. If such a one ticks all the boxes, there’s the last card, a joker, you must deploy (if you haven’t, already) to make assurance double sure. Have your best friend and you had a fundamental quarrel?
Truth to tell, we all pray against having quarrels, you know, very bad quarrels, but they are easily one of the best ways to know a true best friend. I recommend that you instigate artificial quarrels or crises from time to time. Someone you thought a best friend is going to explode about how your parents did not mate; that you descended from a tree. Or that you had once stole a monkey!
Until a best friend has been this tried or tested and passed, they don’t qualify for the title. Best friend doesn’t spread tales or rant to every ear when friendship goes kaput. Best friend won’t join enemy camp no matter the storm. Best friend walking away won’t slam the door let alone vent beyond-be-careful.
Best friend never curses nor insults in spite of and despite the negative turn of events. Best friend is calm, faithful, loving, optimistic, patient, quiet, understanding. Best friend is permanently guided by memories of the sweet times; when the going was good. Best friend is the friend who remains friendly and supportive even after a split.
Now that you know, I ask you again: who is your best friend? Have they passed the quarrel test? If yes, please hold them tight. If no, pray and watch and strike when no one is looking.
We can do with less drama in friendship. A best friend who easily crosses the borders and strays off too far, verbally, is a dangerous fallen angel to restore. Wait to restore such a one the day God restores Satan. Stop shining your eye only when pigs start flying.
God bless Nigeria!
Former leaders owe us one
Nigeria has too many problems. Yet, Nigerians are busy creating more. One can’t help but wonder always: God, when?
Vis-a-vis our most chronic national problem, there’s the temptation to think that former leaders ought to do more. If people who held a particular high office in our land write books or move around to share their in-office experiences, that shall save their successor(s) and indeed the jurisdiction so much time and resources. Spiritual and temporal lords should look in this direction.
I know that in this country, we are crazy about solo runs. But, there’s no harm in a new priest or permanent secretary or political chief reaching out to predecessor(s) to ask questions. Too much of what we face requires simple experience sharing or meeting minds.
This country needs every hand to the pump. Nobody should sit by and look. Let’s all help rescue our fatherland: it is the only one we have!
