The inevitable pains of life

Last week saw my home state yet again in the news. No, it was more than just being in the news. Akwa Ibom was in the headlines, front page and major news; at least, nationally. At issue was -you guess right- religion.

The hoopla -as they call it in the United States of America- was never about something positive or about making living better for our people. Yes, man, the cacophony on traditional and new media had nothing to do with development. The hullabaloo was no where near how Akwa Ibom was in dire need of job creation. No, Ma’am, the whole empty, deafening hysteria was about one, something Christian faithful call crusade and two, human dignity.

One of the men at the centre of the storm, Rev. Yinka Yusuf, a Lagos-based cleric, was planning a million-man crusade in Uyo, capital of the oil-rich state in the deep south of the country. During one of the prayer meetings in the build-up, he had said some nasty things about the state and its people; the same state, the same people he was praying for; he was planning an evangelical visit. Unfortunately, as happens all too often, the private comments ended up going viral creating all sorts of social media and on-air fireworks. Even the state government used the man to shine.

First, the state governor while receiving founder and general superintendent of Deeper Christian Life Ministry, Pastor William Folorunsho kumuyi, threw shade at their colleague pastor. The hotelier-turned governor has never wasted time whenever an opportunity to voice tantrums presents itself. Thereafter, the state government issued a statement calling on Rev. Yusuf to apologise, which the man immediately not only heeded but also did. Still, the publics continue to weigh in, this being a generation of talk; cheap, easy talk!

However, this entry is not interested in what more vituperation people, concerned and unconcerned, are exchanging on what is clearly a dead and buried matter. Rather, there are a handful of takeaways we should not gloss over. One, how Christians value self over Christianity, or if you like, over Christ. Someone was bringing the good news of Christ but the moment he misyarned to the point of disrespect, we locked him out; complete with the Gospel; complete with Christ.

There is a huge, chilling, almost bizarre lesson to glean from that. Our political leaders insult us all too often but we laugh it off, coax them to visit and treat them to red carpet reception all because they come with stolen, filthy lucre! Not so for the religious leader bearing Christ! I mean, in this crazy economy, what is Christ compared to money?!

Lesson two is twins, namely that the enemy is within and nobody is immune. A man of God at a prayer meeting is more like a lecturer in class. During my lectures at the Communication and Media Studies Faculty of the University of Uyo, I frequently apply some unbroadcastable analogies and anecdotes to help students understand better, deeper and faster. The church member or outsider who filmed and leaked the footage of Rev. Yinka Yusuf’s Akwaibomights disparaging comments works full time for Satan not God and their reward is coming.

Of course, this in no way beautifies the mess by the man of God but come, pray, who is really a saint? Methinks it is just a human thing for one person or ethnic group to say negative things against the other, behind; which is why, although this is a Nigerian conversation, we cannot but afghanistanise the examples in order partly not to reopen old wounds and partly to prove that ethnicity shaming is a global phenomenon. In Greece, the word, Babarian, is used to target non-Greeks as uncivilised or primitive while in Germany, Bimbo is a derogatory term for Africans or those with very dark skin. The US, considered the king of everything good and bad (plus including ethnophaulisms or ethnic slurs) made Niggar or Nigger the global terminology that it is today.

The third and last lesson, we like to discuss here, because of time and space or the lack of them, borders on the double-edged-swordiness of technology. Humanity, nay, Nigerians must rise in unison against the monster called handset. The same way we transmogrified the natural blessing that oil is into a perennial curse, a piece of technology intended to make life better and easier has instead become a tool for blackmail, for shame and for subterfuge. For crying out loud, what exactly is the sense in and intention of filming and posting or broadcasting or publishing just for mischief?

Alas, all of the foregoing belong in the family of the inevitable pains of life. No matter how good or careful we are, we shall intermittently find ourselves trapped in horrible news and front page headlines -and over nonsense. We are forever stranded in the prison of religion. An alarming majority of us are Christians, yes, but our life is more important than Christ.

Sssh, there is too much more: for instance, no human being is too big or too clean or too powerful or too rich or too spiritual to hate or to insult or to react. Sometimes, sorry is not enough. The biggest or worst enemy is within and no one is safe. Beware, blessing can be a curse.

Now, stop, and even if you cannot, please reread the last two paragraphs. That done, let us look at more inevitable pains of life. At this juncture, please permit me to import something quite extraneous. It is a terse text message that this writer received last Saturday.

“Good morning, The Boss. Please, the revelation that God showed me about your political journey is not good. Please stop doing that PDP programme on radio; go and do the work of God in the church. Thank you: I am Apostle Iniobong Abraham, in Uyo, 07087834367.”

Of course, my response to him was swift. And, because he included his telephone number in the sms as if it was not already a given, I have intentionally allowed it here in case the reader has a thing or two to say directly. You see, Apostle Abraham reminds us all of another inevitable twin pains of life. Man has no gate, especially in this age of computerisation to completely and totally lock out both purveyors of and false alarm (or fake news). Nor can he do anything about the fact that the one who has been called and chosen to bear good news would instead prefer to seek to create panic.

Good can bow to bad and evil. Inferior can beat or replace superior. Weak can swallow strong. Truth can go to jail while a lie can strut about, celebrated.

Bogus can win, genuine can lose. Injustice can crown snail speed champion (say, 100-metre dash) while justice -taking eternity to correct that- nags the cheetah to show sportsmanship and patience. Illiteracy can outshine the master called education. Shiftless can be rewarded, promoted; hard work can be despised, denied, even demoted.

Poverty can cure, rich can infect. Beggar can help or share, giver can hoard or shame. Free can be in prison, prisoner can be free. Life can be dead, death can be alive.

Those and these are the inevitable pains of life. Ingratitude is not the exclusive preserve of the unbig, the uneducated, the ungodly; just as the brave, the rich, the strong also cry. Blood is not always thicker than water, sometimes friends stick closer. At other times, the so-called enemy is the friend while the confidant is the snake you have tried to find and kill to no avail.

Take nothing for granted, nothing is guaranteed. You can plant and not reap. But, the idiot who has never sown can come along and record a bountiful harvest. When you pray and work for success, pray and work also to be part of the enjoyment so that stupid children or successors do not sh-t on the heritage.

Listen, people of God, time is running out. God’s children can suffer, while Satan’s enjoy. The blind can see, the deaf can hear, the lame can walk while their opposites drawn blank. Life is so: you can do absolutely nothing about it.

Finally, we close with the most painful inevitable part of life. Life hardly measures back or garbages out in equal portions and life hardly pleases human timing. And, life might occasionally offer you everything but, in death you must go with nothing. That, there, is the worst inevitable pain of life.

God bless Nigeria!