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• Marriage counsellors, psychologists finger infidelity, artificial lifestyle, domestic violence, social media, others
• We filed 18 divorce petitions between January and July 2026 –Lawyer
By Ngozi Nwoke
Mike Eze-Nwalie Nwogu, a Nigerian nightlife entrepreneur and media personality popularly known as Pretty Mike, shocked the world recently when he disclosed in an interview with Saturday Sun that “I’ve been best man at over 40 weddings, sadly, many of them have crashed.”
As scary as it sounds, it is a situation that currently defines young marriages. It is a reality that is playing out in homes, churches, mosques, and courtrooms across Nigeria as marriages are breaking down at a rate that sociologists, marriage counsellors, and judges say they have never seen before.
A typical scenario played out when a marriage that began with celebration in December 2021 ended at Igando Customary Court in 2025 in Lagos, after Ms. Tolu Rufus, a fashion entrepreneur, filed for divorce from her husband, Mr. Adekunle Esan, citing infidelity as the main cause.
For the first two years, friends and family members described them as a close couple, active in church and community events. They had a daughter in 2023. That year, according to the lady, problems started when her husband began keeping late nights and became secretive with his phone.
The situation came to a head in March 2024, when Ms. Rufus said she found messages and photos on her husband’s phone suggesting he had an affair with a female colleague in the logistics firm where he worked.
“He first denied it, then later admitted there was ‘something,’ and promised it would stop. But I later discovered it had been going on for months, including around our anniversary.
“It has been painful, but I am doing this for my peace and for my daughter. I am focusing on my business and my child now,” she narrated, adding that she later involved their pastor and both families for counselling. However, in January 2025, she filed a petition for dissolution of the marriage.
She cited infidelity, breach of trust, and desertion of marital responsibilities as reasons the marriage could no longer continue. She also disclosed that the court referred them to its mediation unit twice in an attempt at reconciliation, but both sessions ended without agreement because trust had broken beyond repair.
Fidelia Ihejirika, a Lagos-based lawyer, told Saturday Sun that her law firm filed 18 divorce petitions between January and July 2026, with infidelity and domestic violence accounting for the majority of cases.
The lawyer said the trend reflects growing pressure on young marriages in Nigeria.
She disclosed that in her law firm, they filed 18 divorce petitions at Igando Customary Court between January and July 2025. From those 18 matters, the major causes cited are infidelity and domestic violence. Infidelity accounts for about 60 per cent of the petitions.
“We are seeing it from both genders. However, the petitions filed by wives alleging husband’s infidelity are more. Roughly, 11 out of the 18 cases involved allegations of a husband having an extramarital affair. The remaining two-three involved allegations against the wife.”
She added that domestic violence made up about 25 per cent of the petitions, with most filed by wives alleging repeated beatings, threats and emotional abuse. Other grounds included desertion, lack of maintenance, and irreconcilable differences.
Giving her personal observation on divorce trends, the lawyer noted that “Social media is breaking trust faster. Many of the infidelity cases started with DMs, WhatsApp, and secret outings. At the same time, economic hardship is putting pressure on men to provide, and when they fall short, it creates fights that escalate.
“Women are no longer staying in abusive marriages for the children. Five years ago most of my female clients would try reconciliations. Now, once there is documented domestic violence, they want to be out of the marriage immediately. They are also more aware of their rights to custody and child support.
“Young marriages of two to five years are the most affected. The couples married between 2020 and 2023 are the ones filing the most. I think it’s because expectations about marriage were shaped by social media, and the reality of compromise, in-laws, and money is hitting hard,” she said.
Elaborating the process of divorce, Ihejirika noted, “The person filing for the divorce will firstly file a petition stating their grounds. They must bring their marriage certificate, evidence of customary marriage, like receipts from introduction, bride price, and two witnesses.
“Then the court does mediation by trying to settle the couple. Family members are also invited. If it fails after two-three sittings, the court gives judgment. The court will dissolve the union and rule on children and property according to customary law.”
According to figures released by the Lagos State government, no fewer than 8,692 cases of domestic and sexual violence were recorded in the state between August 2024 and July 2025. Domestic violence alone accounted for 3,685 of those cases, making it the most prevalent issue reported during the period.
Customary courts, where most middle and low-income Lagosians go to dissolve traditional and statutory marriages, are reporting a similar surge. The President of Igando Customary Court, Lagos State, Mr. Koledoye Adeniyi, decried it openly during a ruling in 2022.
“It’s sad these days the rate at which young couples within a short period of their marriages run to court for a divorce,” he lamented, blaming the situation on rushed unions.
“It is necessary for a man and a woman to observe and study each other very well before getting married. But more often than not, this does not happen and couples quickly get married as soon as they fall in love not caring whether the love is genuine or not, which is why they put up the excuse of being incompatible with each other and seek divorce.”
In Badagry alone, the Family Reloaded Organisation reported that more than 30,000 failed marriages were recorded between January and September 2016. The organisation’s Coordinator, Mrs. Sesi Sebinun, said negligence of duties from both parties was a major cause.
At the national level, research indicates the trend is climbing. An analysis of Nigeria Divorce Data Estimate for 2026 puts the latest national divorce rate at 3.10 per cent, with year-on-year growth of 11.41 per cent and five-year cumulative growth of 35 per cent.
Urbanised states like Lagos, Kano, Kaduna, and Rivers show higher concentrations. Demographic data also shows 62 per cent of divorces are initiated by wives, compared to 38 per cent by husbands.
To understand what is shifting, Folake Adebayo, a sociologist at the University of Lagos pointed out that “marriage in Nigeria used to be a community project. Now it’s an individual project. Social media has redefined what a good marriage looks like with big weddings, constant travel, financial and material display. Young people enter marriage with expectations shaped by Instagram, not by family values.”
Adebayo identified economic constraints and urbanised stress as the first factors –inflation, rent, school fees and other pressures.
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“When a man can’t provide and a woman is now earning more, the traditional power balance collapses. That creates resentment on both sides. Lagos is expensive. People are angry, tired, and taking it out on each other.”
The national data supports this, showing higher divorce in economically active and urbanised regions.
She said that gender roles are shifting faster than many homes can adjust to, adding women are now breadwinners, decision-makers, and career-focused, while some men still expect traditional submission and homemaking.
She said that the clash creates tension, because both partners are holding on to different rulebooks for marriage, and warned that until couples agree on new terms together, resentment will keep growing.
“Women are more educated, more financially independent. They are no longer willing to stay in abusive or unfulfilling marriages because of ‘what will people say.’ At the same time, some men still expect 1980s submission from a 2026 woman. That clash is everywhere.
“Dating is shorter. People meet, date for six months, and marry. There’s no room to test compatibility. As one of my colleagues said, ‘people get married anyhow,’ even when they are incompatible in interest, education, religion, values and goals.”
The result, she said, is a generation that sees divorce not as shame, but as an exit.
She advised that premarital counselling should be mandatory, not just church formality, while urging intending couples to talk about debt, number of children, and where to live.
Oscar Agbafo, a clinical psychologist based in Ikeja, says the courtroom is just where the symptoms show up, stressing that the number one killer is poor communication.
“Shouting, stonewalling, sarcasm, and contempt are considered minor habits but they are enough to build resentments for a spouse. When one partner rolls their eyes every time the other speaks, that marriage is already in trouble.
“A lot of Nigerians grew up in homes where love was conditional. So in marriage, you have an anxious person chasing an avoidant person withdrawing. They trigger each other until they hate each other.”
Agbafo noted that about ten years ago, depression and anxiety were taboo unlike what happens in recent times. He identified infidelity and childhood abuse as major causes, stating that “If you don’t deal with it in therapy, you bring it into the marriage. You assume your partner will hurt you, so you hurt them first.”
Other early signs, he stated are defensiveness in every conversation, keeping scores, and bringing up old issues during new arguments.
The psychologist warned that it’s a red flag if a couple can’t repair after a fight within 24 hours and warned parents to stop pushing their children to marry just because they are 30.
Ephraim Njoku, a cleric and marriage counsellor for over 23 years, shared that when couples keep secrets, have separate bank accounts they don’t discuss, put their phones on password and go on trips they don’t mention, transparency and trust dies.
“When couples stop praying or doing anything together, they start confiding in outsiders instead of each other. And they use divorce as a threat in arguments. Once ‘I’m leaving’ enters the vocabulary, the marriage is on life support.
“During my counselling sessions, I instruct couples to follow the 20-minute rule of no phones. I ask them to take 20 minutes every night to talk about anything except problems, children, work, and bills. They should just reconnect.
“I teach them to reduce defensiveness and have financial transparency meetings. Once a month, sit with statements. No judgment. The goal is teamwork. Most Nigerian divorces have money at the centre, even when they say it’s about incompatibility. If both people aren’t willing to make the marriage work, I can’t save it. But about 40 per cent who come to me do leave stronger.”
Reacting to the reasons that have destroyed once-peaceful homes, Lagos-based relationship and marriage coach, Adegboyega Ilori, explained that the circumstances of meeting a spouse are essential. He said that meeting a life partner in a responsible and respectable way reduces or eliminates the chances of violence, which he cited as a leading cause for collapsed marriages.
“The background of your partner matters a lot. It’s a known fact that someone from an abusive background that has not been refined or undergone rehabilitation is likely to be an abuser or violent person because he or she is likely to think violence is normal in marriage.
“The person’s understanding that marriage is not a slave and master arrangement, but a destiny partnership meant to achieve that is meant to give happiness and joy to both parties. A partner that is given to alcohol is most likely to be violent. So, if your partner is an alcoholic, be ready for violent moments in your marriage.
“The partner’s ability to manage his or her anger and temperament is an issue. If a partner can manage his or her anger or temperament, violence can be curtailed.”
Ben Ezeohagwu, a renowned professor and director of African American Business School, Ota, Ogun State, attributes rising cases of failed marriages in Nigeria to artificial and mundane lifestyles driven by high moral decadence among young men and women.
Ezeohagwu said: “Most of these men and ladies are inwardly dead due to fake lifestyles. From the outset, those who are waiting, dating or planning for marriage are living lives that are not real. Instead of seeking complementary values, they share conflicting traits that destroy homes.”
The professor identified incompatibility as a major factor, noting that instead of partners who balance each other, many couples today mirror each other’s weaknesses.
“We now have impatience meeting impatience, greed meeting greed, bully meeting bully, inconsiderate meeting inconsiderate. Where there are complementary values, one partner’s strength makes up for the other’s weak spot. But what we have now are clashes instead of support.”
Ezeohagwu further lamented the lack of shared values, interests and goals among couples, insisting that where there are genuinely shared values, interests and goals, there is a better bond of love and happiness towards achieving set goals. That is what exists in genuine love. But today, that level of true love is missing in many. What we have is a sham, lifeless entity called marriage.”
He also linked the problem to media exposure and societal pressure. According to him, the constant emphasis on sensual images in dressing and on social media is leading many young men and women into intimacy during dating and courtship.
“Such activities deaden inner guidance. They prevent the two persons from making better and informed decisions that would have guided them properly before marriage,” he warned.
The don called for a return to value-based courtship, character development, and proper guidance for youths to reduce the rate of divorce and marital breakdown in the country.
Experts said there is hope in achieving a long-lasting and successful marriage, but it requires work before the wedding, not just after problems start. As the judge at Igando said during one ruling, “the union would have been saved if genuine love was there in the first place.”
