Spousal cheating deserves red card

Just weeks before her wedding, a comment made by a bride-to-be on the issue of spousal cheating has cost her badly. The lady had commented on a viral social media post, praising an ex-wife who retaliated by cheating on her ex-husband. The man read her comments and promptly called off their forthcoming wedding. He cancelled all bookings from vendors. Upon learning what her fiance did, the lady went into shock and is yet to recover.

Now, cheating whether in relationships, academics, business or religious affairs destroys foundational trust and causes lasting damage.

Over the week the news of a messy public dispute between a popular celebrity media personality and his ex-wife broke out and spread like harmattan fire. At the centre of the wrangle was an accusation of cheating. Allegedly, the man cheated his ex-wife with many side chicks and she fired back by cheating  on her ex-husband with a younger man in their matrimonial home. This is very unfortunate for a young couple who should be enjoying marital bliss based on what they have built together over the last 15 years. Instead their union became saddled with allegations of cheating on each other. By their individual acts, it appears they had normalized cheating in their union.

No matter how anyone looks at the issue of cheating on one’s partner, it will never be a win-win for anyone. Never will it be universally acceptable or socially desirable. Cheating can never be a solution to marital challenges. Never will it also be a safe place for both men and women. It is not godly and will never be. Cheating of any type is shameful, repulsive and degenerating. Cheating makes no one powerful, instead makes one weak. One loses respect and peace and also loses a woman or man who initially loved him or her. While a loyal partner gains respect, a cheating partner in a relationship loses respect. No matter how civilized and accomplished one ecomes, cheating on one’s partner will always attract ridicule and embarrassment. 

Again, it is worthy to note that cheating among couples creates an intense effect of psychological and emotional turmoil. It activates intense feelings of betrayal and anger. It can also lead to long-lasting mental health challenges like depression, anxiety, and post infidelity stress. Ultimately, cheating fundamentally destabilizes the relationship, whether the spouses choose to separate or undergo intensive healing. Cheating takes a profound toll on both individuals, completely restructuring the dynamics of the relationship and how each person views the other. Unfortunately, cheating couples alter the legal and financial reality of the household.

Truth is that one would think that marriage is not just about love, but about understanding, patience, respect and standing by each other through every season of life. A strong relationship grows when couples choose peace over pride, communication over silence, and forgiveness over anger. True happiness in marriage comes from supporting one another and building together with love and trust devoid of cheating.

Somehow, this narrative seems to have eroded the 21st century husbands and wives. Going back to the media personality and his ex-wife whose messy divorce centres on cheating, I guess both have seen that cheating is not the solution to marital challenges. Cheating didn’t put them in a positive light. Did any of them win a trophy? Of course, the answer is no.  The question for cheating men is this: are you happy being dragged in the mud for cheating? Why do men find it difficult to honour the covenant between them and their wives? Knowing full well that social media is a free market place where all, including teenagers have access, do cheating men enjoy what they see in the comment sections from very young people? Do all cheating partners enjoy the history and exchange of spirituality of their cheating partners outside their matrimonial homes? How have serial cheats fared emotionally, financially and otherwise? All cheating participants gain nothing other than regret and outright loss.

Now, to women who cheat on their husbands, know that you have degraded yourselves to nothing. There is no amount of offence from a husband that should warrant a wife to cheat on her matrimonial bed. It is unheard of and no culture welcomes it. Yes, feminism represents dignity, personification, honour, grace, patience and glory, not cheating. I am sounding like an old matron right? Yes, standard practice must be adhered to because when a cheating wife is caught, the stigma will follow her like a shadow to her grave. She must lose personal integrity. Women who cheat could be likened to possessing a demonic spirit. It is not a competition. Cheating women do not only embarrass themselves, but their families as well because no family celebrates a cheating daughter.

Women, instead of cheating, please set your boundaries, and get your priorities right. Do not harbour, condole, and forgive a serial cheat of a husband.  This is where a woman’s financial empowerment gives her the opportunity to stand strong on her feet. You can simply walk away from a cheating and abusive man to avoid sexually transmitted diseases. It is your choice to healthy living, maintain your dignity, pride and grace instead of involving in cheating competition. Better walk away because your preferred cheating candidate can also destroy you unknowingly. It is actually a choice because some women want to be married by force. With the media personality and ex-wife brouhaha, some GenZ girls summed it up as ‘cheat me, I cheat you, God no go vex.’ This is utter rubbish.

Again, maybe the crop of women who cheat on their husbands do not realize that the same chosen cheats who they cheat with will never have regard for them. Ask the cheating man to marry his cheating partner, he will never do so. Men know their hair would be shaved behind their back with a cheating partner. Women who cheat, do you also realize that love vanishes immediately after the sex romp. Cheating wives may not also know that the moment another man has access to their intimacy, the strange man has caged and conquered her husband, marriage, and territory.

Remarkably, why is a Nollywood actor’s ex-wife being celebrated by all and sundry after her marriage crashed? Yes, her husband cheated on her, and even announced the birth of his son by his side-chick on social media. Instead of resorting to cheating, the ex-wife simply refused to be numbered and walked away in dignity. Today, the world sings her praises, supports her businesses around the globe and she has blossomed like a morning flower.

Unfortunately, cheating has its long term consequences on many relationships especially when children are involved. Children caught up in spousal cheating can experience deep confusion, behavioural changes, and long-term anxiety about the stability of future relationships.  They bear the collateral damage. It can disrupt a child’s sense of security, strain their relationship with one or both parents, and shape their future views on romantic relationships. Apart from the immediate family, relationships of cheating wives with extended families and mutual friends often become strained or fractured, leading to social isolation.  It is easy to cheat, but extremely difficult to repair.

I call ladies who support cheating wives vain. May such shameful news emanate from your household because birds of the same feather flock together. When your families bring such stories, celebrate and share it happily.

Still with the media personality, while some men chastised the young lover of the ex-wife, some ladies were seen taking photographs with him, making him a mini-hero at a recent event. Is his action justified? Never!

To the men who get on other men’s beds to frolic with their wives, for whom the husbands paid ancestral dowry, the ancestors of the bed owner are watching you as they count down your remaining days. You might be living in the moment, but will surely reap the fruit of your labour.

Dear Nigerians, cheating men and women, remember that God is a consuming fire. Death might be far, but no one knows the decadence in all areas of life that might befall a cheat. I pray the punishment for the irresponsibility called cheating comes upon those who committed the sin and not their innocent children.