Qualities of healthy relationships

It is sad that some people don’t know what it means to be in healthy relationships. For some guys, being in a relationship means having a woman to control and have sex with. For some ladies, being in a relationship means having a man to take care of their financial problems.

While it is not wrong for couples who love each other to express themselves through having sex and taking care of one another’s needs, this is not the basis of a good relationship.

You don’t go into a relationship just because of sex. What happens when you find someone who gives you better sex than your current partner, do you dump them and go for this new person?

You don’t go into a relationship because you think it is a poverty alleviation scheme for you and your family. What happened to your hands? What is stopping you from making your own money and taking care of your needs?

This is not to say the man you are dating shouldn’t give you gifts. Just don’t base your relationship on how much money you can get from men you are dating. And you shouldn’t be demanding sex from your woman because you bought her dinner, clothes and shoes. That’s not healthy.

Some relationships are strong enough to last a lifetime, and these successes shouldn’t be attributed to luck or chance. Continuous efforts from both parties and a desire to be together despite all odds make these relationships stand the test of time.

There are certain qualities that should never be missing from loving partnerships. This is because when these qualities are missing from your relationship, it is only a matter of time before things start to fall apart.

There is no single secret to making a relationship last because it involves so many other aspects that depend on one another. The key is whether you are able to maintain each of those parts.

One of the keys to a healthy relationship is friendship. If you are not friends with your partner, I wonder what you are doing with each other. If you are not friends with your partner, you both are missing out on building something beautiful in the long run.

A lasting friendship often equals a strong relationship overall because you share a deeper bond that goes beyond a romantic level. With friendship, you have a more durable foundation that’s fulfilling on multiple parts.

This is why I don’t understand the kind of marriages some Nigerian women have where they can’t laugh, play and have fun with their husbands. These men are always angry and looking to be worshipped like tin gods instead of craving partnership and companionship from their wives.

God knows I won’t last long in a relationship where I can’t be free to pat my man on the buttocks, rub his head, tickle his sides, call him big head and tell him his nose looks crooked and dance with him when my favourite music is playing. That’s slavery not a relationship.

If friendship is the foundation, distrust is what can seep in between the cracks and make it all crumble. Even if you and your partner truly love each other, your relationship will not survive without trust. No matter how good things are, one person’s doubt is enough to drive the rest into the ground.

It’s sad to see that many couples are just living with one another out of necessity because there’s no trust in their relationships. When I hear some women talk about not believing anything their men say, I wonder why they keep putting up with such men in the first place.

Every healthy relationship should be built upon mutual respect. Both parties should recognize each other as equals and should always be open to their partner’s thoughts, beliefs, concerns, and needs.

Based on this, I don’t understand people who keep hounding women to respect men because men need respect more. I don’t know where these people get this talk from that only men need respect. This is not true.

Men and women need respect. You don’t continue to disrespect your woman and still expect her to respect you. Things don’t work that way. What you give is what you get. If you don’t want to be disrespected as a man, don’t disrespect your woman.

Another quality of a good relationship is affection. This is where some couples miss it. The honeymoon phase of not being able to keep your hands off each other will naturally fade over time. But that shouldn’t mean that affection should be completely forgotten. Verbal and physical reminders, such as saying “I love you” and touching when speaking, reinforce your connection.

One of the most common mistakes couples make is forgetting that they are teammates. Team work is another quality of a healthy relationship. Your significant other is your partner in life and, therefore, your greatest support system. You will be much more successful by working with your significant other and not against them.

Your partner is not your servant or subordinate. They are not inferior to you. You shouldn’t see your partner as being below you. You are partners and when you see your relationship as being a partnership, you will treat your partner well and with respect too.

It is sad that some couples don’t know what it means to be honest with one another. The second either of you begins hiding things from each other; your relationship will begin to run off track. It doesn’t cost much to be honest with your partner.

You should be able to share anything with your partner while receiving love and support in return. Secrets can become cancerous and snowball into further damage. You will always carry a sense of guilt as long as you keep things to yourself that you are supposed to share with the one you claim to love.

Intimacy is another quality of healthy relationships. What people should know is that intimacy is not only limited to sex, although sex does play a crucial role in relationship success. Intimacy requires a deeper understanding of each other that’s far more significant than physical attraction.

You never want your relationship to get too serious, and not in terms of intensity. No matter how long you have been together with your partner, couples should remember to maintain a sense of humor. You have to play with each other and laugh like the world has no problems. This helps keep you bonded. Keep things as lighthearted and playful as they were in the beginning.

Support is another quality of healthy relationships. You should always be each other’s biggest cheerleader. Encourage your partner to go after what they want and assure them that you will be by their side no matter the result.

If you are with a partner who doesn’t want you to be successful or grow in your career, that person is an enemy of progress and should be far from you. Men who get angry and jealous whenever their women are making progress in career and business are wicked souls that don’t know what it means to be in healthy relationships.

By being excited about each other’s achievements and celebrating even the little things, both parties benefit from a supportive relationship. If you don’t support your partner to take on the world, who will?

No healthy relationship can survive without love. True love doesn’t come with rules and terms. A relationship will not last if the couple doesn’t share a meaningful love for each other. Together, your love should be well-rounded and mutual.

Re: mistakes people make when choosing life partners

Kate, your views are not far from the truth, however, lest we forget, human beings have the capacity to consciously alter their manifest behavioural traits and actions for good or bad. There are no rules that all bad guys and ladies cannot make successful marriage or good guys/ladies will automatically make successful marriage.

The bottom line therefore is that people should consciously search and make the best choice but if it goes toxic, let them also search for the best option. Marriage by all means and at all cost is never God’s injunction or any cultural rule. -Chioma Papa

It is because you don’t know how many women are in different churches praying for husbands, that’s why you write as if you have answers to everyone’s life problems. You have to keep your arrogance in check while writing. You are still a mere woman.

You sound so ignorant. You don’t know that a woman without a husband is not respected in this society no matter her achievements. Instead of you to use your column to help match make these mature singles, you are pushing them away from men who might want to consider them for marriage with your evil write-ups.

-Obinna, Aba

What you should know is that some people make wrong choices of life partners due to family and peer pressure. Most times, people who choose wrong life partners don’t know that doing that will lead to separation at end because of misunderstandings and not knowing each other before they got married. –Chika Nnorom, Umukabia

Kate, please don’t be dismayed by guys who insult you because of your weekly publication. You should know that your column changes the lives of those who have lost hope about relationships. I was brought back to life when I read your column recently.

I recently had a problem with my girl which led to our separation. Thereafter it was like all hope is gone and I had to take the hard decision of not falling in love again but your column has transformed my life. I am happy now and I have to move on.
–Davidson Blaq, Kogi

Whenever I read your column, I sense that you have been hurt by different men in the past and that’s why you don’t see anything good in Nigerian men. Nobody forced you to be hopping from one man to another. Stop using your talent to hinder other ladies from getting married. Marriage is God’s commandment and it’s a must for everyone, so stop using your column to poison the hearts of young girls against marriage.  -Mr. Ephraim Obi, Abuja