There was a time when men could mistreat their wives and they would endure it, because such wives did not have independent income, and thus did not control financial resources. But those days are gone. Today, a sensible, real man knows and recognises that a wife who earns and controls money is an asset of great value, not a threat to his headship of the home.
Women have evolved from the seeming docile wives of the past, who had no say in how money was administered in the marriage to the present day wives that call the shots even when their contribution to the family purse is very, very little.
Now, it would have been a rude shock to so many, when the news of the Alakija’s alleged marriage separation came to public knowledge. For starters, Mrs. Folorunsho Alakija according to records is one of the richest women in Africa, not Nigeria. There is money and enough money for the whole family to enjoy, send their children to the best schools in the world, see Paris and die, enjoy every luxury that money could buy. Yet, there is a crack in their union. The greatest shock is the fact that they have spent 30 years together as a couple, laid skin-to-skin which produced 4-biological children. One would have thought that every marital challenge, no matter how big would have been buried with excess money. Well, whether it is an allegation or not, the news has been in the public domain within the week. Some netizens have said that Mrs. Alakija demanded her utmost privacy in her home; the type one sees in foreign countries. Her husband Modupe, a business man was forced to seek for another apartment within the same highbrow Ikoyi area. The news continued to spill that they have managed the strained relationship for several years, but for their status in the society, then, only God Knew what finally broke the camel’s back. Hmmm.
Now, with this latest saga, there are two lessons here to be learnt depends on what one wants. It might strengthen both men and women to tow the same line or take a chill-pill. Someone might foolishly join the bandwagon of separation without knowing the real reasons why they chose to go their separate ways.
Interestingly, it is important to look at some of the ills that men seem not to get right with women’s recent speaking in tongues in financial upliftment. One, is the fact that power, money and equality has become a woman’s thing and most men seem to remain in the circle of our great-grandfathers of who wives breathed with their permission. Friend’s, life and time have really gone past that era. It does not also mean that wives should jump biblical rules of not submitting to their husbands, but even that submission has gotten various interpretations. That man who must be submitted to must live up to expectation as Christ love the church. No big deal.
Again, I have shared my parent’s story as teachers over the years. My father married my mother as a ‘Miss’ sent to his school while he was the headmaster. Both’s path crossed, they found love and wedded at St. Michael’s Catholic church, Ngwoma, in Obube, Owerri North, Imo State in the late 60’s. Now, as a couple, my father was the headmaster who was comprehensively in charge of the school. He calls the shorts both in academics and administration. At the end of every month, my father would ceases my mother’s income and give her a stipend to run the home. That was how my mother lost her financial freedom because of marriage. Though, their monies together were for useful projects, but my mother was never happy with that development until my father travelled out of the country for further studies. Then her money and joy were fully restored.
So, can any husband try such in this 21st century? No; because women have evolved within the years; including those whose husband trained in school or in businesses. Meanwhile, the likes of my mother were among the few leading women then, but kept silence and was gradually dying emotionally. I doubt how many women that can allow that to happen to them now. Obviously not many.
Now, in the golden years, how many women broke the ceiling? How many were presidents like Mrs. Sirleaf Johnson of Senegal? how many were governors, politicians and legislators? How many were bank chief executives, University Vice Chancellors and senior executives in public and private establishments. How many headed religious institutions? Good or bad, it has been established that financial power has descended on women impressively like the holy spirit descended on the apostles and they began to speak in tongues. The women are speaking in tongues financially and otherwise. Those areas where men flooded and asserted personal rights have been punctured by the women with quality education, integrity, hard work and what have you.
Can someone mention a profession where women are not at the forefront? Women own ships and oil blocks. They are business magnets who get waivers like the men and celebrated artistes. Many years ago, it was historic that Prof. Grace Alele-Williams was the only female vice chancellor in Nigeria. Today, several women are vice chancellors of universities, including the University of Lagos, where I graduated from and the first five positions among the top management are held by women. The time has come for men to accept the change in equilibrium, the norm of the society and have a renewed mindset to live with it and enjoy life. Any man who is still looking for a wife he will bottle up might be getting it all wrong. Now, listen to the confession of a food seller in her anger over her marital challenge. She said that before she moves her truck every morning, she would have sold at least N7,000 worth of food in her neighborhood. “During the Christmas celebration, before my husband could wake up from his slumber and complain, I had gone to Balogun market in Lagos Island and spent my N74,000 to kit my three children as we were meant to travel for the yuletide.” This is an account of an uneducated food seller, not to talk of accomplished female chief executives
Yes, years back, women lived at the mercy of their husbands, cried, submitted their lives in spirit and soul; tolerated all sorts, include day-light cheating, yes it was a man’s world and their women kept sealed lips. Those days are gone forever. Not anymore.
Women, even girls acquire and own landed properties, pay school fees in foreign currencies and attain heights that a few men can match. Women also go to joints, order edibles, flex and enjoy their lives and pay like men. The years of crying and gnashing their teeth around a man is obviously gone forever. If the matrimonial heat is much for them, they take a bow and move on immediately unlike yester-years mothers. Times have really changed for both men and women.
For the Alakija’s, I am not here to judge anyone, but did someone draw some few home truths into Oga’s ear that madam has evolved seriously. That is so huge. Was Oga told that madam has become a big public figure whose name will always ring a bell. Is Oga aware that madam’s mention in the medium must carry her status as one of the richest women in Africa. Was he also reminded that if madam coughs, it is big news that would be celebrated in the pages of the newspapers as an attribute of news reporting. Again, her name will also draw millions of traffic on various internet platforms. I also hope he knows that her present status has become bigger and stronger, and will remain like that till further notice. Did Oga understand that he is no longer in total control of madam’s movement because her presence might attract her to be a speaker at an international conference, a church could make her their chief launcher, organizations might need her to train their staff and a whole lot in her circle. Her coast has been enlarged because of her status. Her retinue of staff would definitely increase. These are some of the attributes that come with a changed status quo.
Maybe when Oga wants special food or the other room activity, Madam might be far away in China for business transactions. Madam might be invited to the Presidency for breakfast and other consultations. Take it or leave it, this is her new life and work schedule now. It is for Oga to adjust himself, continue to do well to fit into the new model, otherwise he will be branded ‘bitter and jealous husband.’ There is a need for a renewed mindset to accommodate a woman whose profile has risen.
Let me ask, should a loved woman who has acquired a new financial status and responsibility of such magnitude be seen running in and out of the market, mopping, cleaning, doing household chores, serving guest food and drinks while attending to mails and messages? Definitely she will be stressed to death. Otherwise, where is her support system? As a cash cow, she will excel with her support system.
Dearest men, please know that women have evolved financially. Like I have said, I am not an advocate of women flaunting their wealth, power and authority before their men, but men should have the right mindset to accommodate women’s evolution.