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By Sam Loco Smith
Bishop Peace Okonkwo is the wife of the founder and presiding Bishop of The Redeemed Evangelical Mission (TREM). They were married on June 5 1980.
In this interview, Bishop Peace speaks about her journey with Bishop Okonkwo
Tell us about the man, Bishop Mike Okonkwo; who is he?
Bishop Mike Okonkwo is a man of many parts. My husband is a good-natured man; he is kind-hearted, loving, and God-fearing. To describe him simply, is to say that he is a man with a good heart – a very good heart. Most people see his exterior and his passion on the pulpit whilst preaching, and might think him to be an “aggressive” and forceful person. Yes, against anything that contends with God’s plan for your life in Christ, but Bishop is a private, introverted, shy, peaceful, and easy-going man. He is the kind of person who is loyal to a fault; once he loves you, he is committed to you, and he is willing to defend you at any time as long as you are doing the right thing. That’s him. He stands for the truth, and will always defend the truth, no matter what.
Bishop Mike Okonkwo is a man of integrity, in fact, that’s what he is known for throughout the country and across the world, by people of different walks of life and faith. With him, what you see is what you get – no pretences. If he believes in a cause, he pursues it with all his being – body, soul and spirit. He does not do things half-heartedly, but with passion. He says this all the time, “If you want to live, live, and if you want to die, die!” That means, if you desire to do anything, then you must go for it completely.
Also, Bishop is a family man; he is very homely and domesticated. He is extremely detailed, very organised with his things, and does not miss anything. If you give him anything to read, he will read it thoroughly and take note of every sentence, word, spelling, and make corrections where there are errors.
You might be surprised hearing this, but Bishop is a good cook, and a really good one at that. He even taught me to cook some things in time past; that’s how good he is. It’s funny because he comes from a family of nine children – six boys and three girls, and they always had people living with them whilst growing up, because his father was a civil servant and worked in different places. I honestly don’t know how he learnt to cook so well – even down to vegetable soups.
He is also a lover of good music – he has an ear for good, quality music. His love for music has rubbed off on me, even though it’s still nothing compared to him. Even at this age, the Evangel Voices (Headquarter Church Choir) are kept on their toes, because when he is around, he can spontaneously request for a particular song ministration during the service, which they are not prepared to sing. He also sings well (of course, not as well anymore because of his age), and used to play some instruments.
Bishop Mike is also a very funny person; he has a hearty laughter that will make you laugh even if you don’t want to. If you play games with Bishop, you would fall on the floor laughing, especially board games. If it ever happens that he is in a winning position against you, just resign because he would play and laugh at you, so much that you will willingly give up and no longer continue playing.
Bishop is quite interesting to be with; we enjoy each other’s company and are very good friends even as husband and wife, and given all that God has entrusted into our care, ministerially and otherwise.
We enjoy watching movies together and also football. I, particularly, am a football lover. My favourite sports are football and tennis, any day and anytime. In football, I’ve supported Chelsea Football Club since the days of Mourinho and Drogba; I loved that team and continue to support them now. Bishop is a Manchester United fan, and when they lose, he gets angry. We watch football together and laugh.
When we are watching a match, sometimes we sit on the floor in the living room to relax. Interestingly, my love for tennis also influenced him and we both follow the Tennis tour religiously, with all the players and tournaments. My current favourite players are Coco Gauff and Alcaraz (Carlos). You should see us when we’re watching tennis (laughs).
Please tell us about your love story. How did you meet Bishop Mike Okonkwo?
It’s a long story, but I’ll try to share as much as I can remember. Like I said before, my husband is a very shy person, a private man, so much so that he did not know how to approach me to tell me that he liked me initially. He could not talk to a lady, so he had to get the support of his eldest sister to do so for him. Rev. Mrs. Edith Iloh is Bishop Mike’s eldest sister – the firstborn of their family, and at the time, we all were attending the same church, after the civil war. Things seemed quite bleak back then, especially as most people lost everything to the war and had to start rebuilding their lives and livelihoods from scratch. As such, the church was a source of succour and hope to many, who turned to God for help.
It was there that we met – but not with him at first, as I mentioned earlier. His eldest sister liked me so much, and she was the one who said to me, “My brother likes you.”
Honestly, I was quite surprised, wondering which amongst her brothers liked me, because she had six brothers. It was then she said, “The one who works in the bank”, to which I replied, “Okay, we’ll talk about it” and moved on. At the time, I had plans to travel to the United Kingdom to further my studies and career, and with everything that was going on, nothing changed – I still travelled and after a while, returned to Nigeria.
The first time we spoke, I didn’t see anything that attracted him to me. I actually felt he was so arrogant, especially because of his family background. Even when we held fellowship meetings in church, where he was also in attendance, I always felt to myself, “What is wrong with this young man? Why is he all over the place, as if he’s the only one?” Now, I think back to those thoughts of mine and laugh at myself, because I love him so dearly. You know how things can be with ladies when it comes to men? Sometimes, there is that seeming irritation at the initial stage, which is inexplicable. However, that is in the past now, as those initial thoughts and feelings gave way to much deeper feelings of love and appreciation for the great man that he is.
Truly, he is God’s gift to me. I say it all the time, that after Jesus Christ in my life, it is Bishop Mike Okonkwo.
I honestly don’t know how my life would have turned out if God didn’t bring us together. The woman you see today is all thanks to God and to him. He has been and continues to be a blessing to me, in every sense of the word. I love him dearly.
You recently celebrated 45 years of marital bliss. Describe what it is like being married to Bishop Mike Okonkwo.
Our lives have been nothing short of God’s faithfulness and mercies. God has truly been our help; from the first moment we shared our vows on July 5, 1980 to this present day, He has shown Himself to be our God and that indeed, it was always His plan to bring us together as man and wife.
Life with Bishop Mike has been interesting and hugely fulfilling, but at the same time not without its challenges. Like it is for every couple that gets married, you will need to be patient with each other, to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of your spouse, in order to enjoy the blessing that God has deposited in them both for you and the marriage. Without love, mutual respect, understanding and patience, no marriage can thrive, regardless of how “anointed” the individuals involved are. Being a pastor or bishop does not exempt or exonerate one from the challenges of marriage; God’s prescription for a successful marriage will only work if you apply them, and not because you are anointed. You must do the work required to make the marriage work. That is a message on its own for those who are currently married, as well as the singles, who are trusting God to one day, have their families and enjoy marital bliss with their spouses.
Nothing works unless you work it, including marriage.
“Life is not a bed of roses”, as is always said; there will always be ups and downs. That is the nature of life, because we live in a fallen world. As such, with us like with other married believers, through the years we learned to depend on God and have trusted Him all the way to help us solve challenges as they arise; He has never disappointed us, and has always seen us through. There is no other way.
I counsel single people as well as married ones quite often, and I always say that there is nothing like being married to someone who has a personal relationship with God and lives out of that flourishing relationship, because when life happens, as it will – both good and not so good, it is what you know that will come out of you at that time. The Bible says that “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small” (Proverbs 24:10). There is a power of agreement that couples have at their disposal to overcome challenges of life, but if you are not like-minded and united in spirit, then you will unfortunately, not be able to deploy it for your benefit, when the need arises.
It does not mean that you will never disagree with your spouse, or have those moments when you do not see eye-to-eye on issues, but even when those moments arise, you will handle them with understanding, knowing that you are in a partnership with your spouse and are headed in the same direction. Your spouse is not your enemy; both of you have a common enemy, which is the devil. This makes conflict resolution easier, and helps with maintaining peace and love in the marriage and home.
One of the major highlights of our marriage has been doing the work of the ministry together, through every phase of it, even till this very moment. It will interest you to know that the week following our wedding, he had to travel to the Morris Cerullo School of Ministry, USA, for six months. We spent only a few days in Ghana for our honeymoon and returned to Lagos, so that he could proceed for his studies. I remember that the women in the church then could not understand what we were doing, but I told them that he had to go, and that God needs his attention. I knew I was marrying a man of God and I knew that his time would be demanded. I use this experience now to counsel my pastors’ wives whenever the opportunity arises.
However, through it all, when we look back at where we are coming from and see all that God has accomplished using us for His glory, we can only but give thanks to Him. Like Bishop would always say, there were the days of no form nor comeliness that anyone should desire us, and God’s Word came to us that He will do great and mighty things through us, as we yield to Him. Even though where we were and what we were experiencing did not look like what God had aid, we chose to believe Him and remained faithful to His call, against all odds. Today, see what the Lord has done! We return all the glory, praise and adoration to Him and Him alone. We have enjoyed 45 years of God and God alone!
There is this notion that men and women of God are insulated from challenges. What else do you have to say about this?
That is absolutely false! We are flesh and blood like everyone else, and we all have our moments of human weakness and vulnerability. There is no pastor, apostle, prophet, evangelist, teacher or preacher that can claim not to have moments of human weakness. If anyone claims so, that person is not telling the truth, and like Bishop will say, we need to check their salvation again.
The same way a believer learns to trust God for their daily needs and challenges they encounter in life is the same way a pastor must learn to trust God for his/her own needs in life. There’s no short cut to it simply because you’re a pastor.
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There was a time in our lives when we did not have food to eat; there was no food at home, and being the pastor, we also had some people living with us. Bishop told me to put water on fire,
that we should trust God for divine provision and that God would send us food. It sounded crazy, but in obedience, I put water on fire to boil. I don’t remember how many times now, but I had to refill the pot at different times, because as the water kept boiling, it would evaporate and reduce in quantity.
However, not too long after, to the glory of God, we heard a knock on the door and when we opened, it was a woman who told us that God spoke to her to deliver foodstuff to us. She came in her pickup truck, and it was loaded with all sorts – bags of rice, beans, garri, tubers of yam, gallons of vegetable oil, palm oil – you name it. We experienced firsthand – God’s divine provision. You can only imagine the joy and excitement that filled the house that evening. We cooked and everyone ate to their fill.
So, you see that we preach these things, not because it is easy to preach, but because we have lived it. We have seen God do incredible things in our lives as well as the lives of many others. Like the Psalmist said, “Oh taste and see that the Lord is good: Blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” (Psalm 34:8). Indeed, we have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. He has brought us through and He continues to lead us on till the very end, as we trust Him.
How did he convince you to join the ministry?
He didn’t convince me. To tell you the truth, he never spoke to me for once about coming into ministry. My husband is a firm believer that the call of God upon a man or woman’s life is personal. This means that the fact that a man is called and is a pastor does not necessarily mean that his wife is also called and should automatically assume a pastoral role in the church, and vice-versa. Unfortunately, many don’t understand this, and it has led to the closure and destruction of many genuine ministries, simply because people assumed positions that they were not called and equipped for. It is a serious issue in the body of Christ.
For me, it started when my husband travelled to the USA for his studies at the Morris Cerullo School of Ministry. Whilst he was there, he said God spoke to him. I was very much involved in the work of the ministry, in different other capacities. I once served as an usher, sang in the choir and got involved in almost every department of the church. There was nothing I had not done, including cleaning the church before service. Whenever the women would come, I was always the first to be present.
Also at the time, I was working full-time as a secretary to an expatriate, somewhere in Adeniyi Jones, Ikeja. The company has folded up now. He said, God spoke to him that I should give up the job, but he didn’t tell me. He said, “God, if it is You that are saying it, then talk to her.”
Afterwards, the church board also noted that I was making considerable input into the growth of the ministry, and requested that I come onboard as a full-time minister. I said to them that I would pray about it, also noting that as the first of many children, my siblings and mother depended on me to support them, because my father was late. I prayed about it and told God the situation at hand. Following that, I told my mum about it and she agreed. I also explained to her that this means that the money I usually sent her for her upkeep wouldn’t be regular anymore as I wouldn’t be able to meet up with that obligation, owing to the nature of being in full-time ministerial work She had come to stay with us after I had my first child. She said the Lord would provide. She said the best thing you can do is to work for God and with that, it sealed things for me. In response, I told Bishop and the Board that I had accepted the offer, and that I didn’t want any allowance for one year, as I wanted to prove God. That’s how my journey started.
How would you describe the turning point of your life?
The turning point came when I was to decide on who to get married to. I had quite a number
of suitors, but as I pondered in my heart, I told myself that it was better to marry a servant of God, because as I said earlier, I had been following God. So, I decided that it would be Bishop Mike or no one else, as he was in ministry. Even his people thought I was crazy for choosing to marry their uncle whom they felt was going crazy, because he chose to be a pastor. To make matters worse, he decided to be a Pentecostal pastor at a time when it was not fashionable. Back then, if you wanted to become a pastor, you had a better chance at making a success of ministry, by going to the seminary to become a priest. I just knew that I wanted to marry him and that was the turning point in my life.
You went ahead to marry him even though you knew he had quit his job and had no job?
Yes, I decided to marry him even without a job. He was working a well-paying job as a banker with the now-defunct African Continental Bank (ACB), and he had amazing prospects as a young man, but he left the job because of the call of God upon his life. I was not fazed by it at all.
But that must have been strange and scary as well…
You can say that and you won’t be entirely wrong, but I was seeing beyond what I saw in the physical. We live in a time and age when people, especially ladies, are after what they can see naturally.
But please don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that those things are not important, because they are. However, what I am saying is that, if what you see physically is all that you are going by in making a decision about your life partner, then you are most likely going to make a wrong decision. There must be something about that person beyond what your physical eyes can see.
In my case, I did not care about what he had because I knew where I was coming from, and for us, it was God that raised us. My mother had seven children – six daughters and one son, and even though I don’t know how we managed to complete our education, today, we are all graduates. My mother had only two clothes; one she wore one on Sundays and the other during the week, but God saw her through and provided for all her children to go to school. So, having nothing did not move me at all, because I knew that the God I served would give me everything that I needed.
My aunty was abroad, so she told my mother that one of us should come and stay with her, and they chose me. When I travelled abroad and people were trying to persuade me against marrying Bishop Mike, I told them that I had made up my mind. It was not that there was something he was giving me. I remember that when I was abroad, I came home twice at different times, but my husband could not give me a penny because he did not have, and I honestly did not mind. I just knew that he was what I wanted and I knew that somehow God would make it good.
So now with the way he is and where God has taken him in life, there is nothing he has that he cannot give me because I have been there when he did not have anything. My plea to young ladies, especially in today’s, “Get rich quick” world, is that they should take their eyes off material things. Unfortunately, many young ladies have lost their lives as victims to ritualists, in their pursuit of ephemeral things. I remember when my daughter was about to get married, I told her that God instructed me to inform her that she should not look at money. I advised her not to focus on money in making her decision, and she heeded my advice.
So, what should young ladies look out for in a man?
As a lady, look out for someone who is truthful and sincere; one who loves God with all his heart. The world is so wonderful that people do not mind becoming second or third wives. Many times when I see these things, I ask myself, “What are they looking for?” Every now and again, we see different stories in the media about young ladies, some in their teens and early 20’s, getting married to much-older men as either third, fourth, or even fifth wife, and I genuinely weep for them. I always wonder why their families allow them make such decisions that have the potential to ruin their lives. In most cases, money is the deciding factor. I think we have a lot of work on our hands, and we need more girl-child and women advocacy groups to do more, to stop this sad trend. Girls are not commodities for pleasure.
My personal candid advice to ladies is – choose a man that you will grow with through life, and not someone that is already made. If he is made, he most likely will dictate to you how to live your life, but if you both worked hard for your wealth, you would both enjoy it together.
Is there anything else that stands Bishop Okonkwo out that you would like to share with us?
Of course! Bishop is a very stylish man. He is what the younger ones will refer to as a “Fashionista”, because he loves his clothes! In fact, I usually mock him with this, when I tell him that he can actually rival me in the number of clothes and outfits that he has (laughs). But in all honesty, Bishop has a wonderful fashion sense; he knows how to put outfits together very well, and it will come out looking nice, especially with his physique. In fact, he teaches me about colour combinations and what style works best, even till today.
What would you say is the secret to his longevity in ministry?
If I could mention one thing in addition to the unconditional love, mercy and grace of God upon his life, I’d say that his longevity in life and ministry is down to having an insatiable hunger for God and His Word, and the genuineness of his heart towards God. My husband is a man of the Word. Any day, anytime – morning, afternoon and night, January to December, he is a stickler for the Word of God. He lives, eats and breathes the Word of God. There is nothing that he does that is outside of the Word of God; you won’t catch him there at all.
Even me, sometimes things happen, and I want to respond in a way that does not align with the Word of God, he will ask me, “Is that what the Word of God says?”, “Are you not a Christian again?”
Even in the face of tough betrayals, insidious acts and back-stabbing he has suffered in life and ministry, he always chooses to respond in a godly way, following the steps of Jesus, and God always fights for him. He is a perpetual learner; he flows with all generations, even with the younger generation more than myself. He knows the slangs. He has always said that he would rather that God calls him home to glory, than for him to remain here on earth and become a “used-to-be”. So, he stays learning, reading and studying the Word of God, fervent in prayers, to remain fresh and at the cutting edge of life and ministry. Another thing is that Bishop Mike can learn from anyone, it does not matter who it is. Even if it is a young child that is sharing with him, his heart is always open to learn and he does it with joy and excitement. He always says, “If you are not learning, then you are dying.”
For Bishop Mike Okonkwo, age is just a number; you can never tell his age when you speak with him, because he is very young in his mind.
Finally, what are your wishes for him at 80?
Oh, my darling… I wish him God’s best now and always. I also thank God for giving him rest on all sides, even as he marks this amazing milestone of 80 years in the land of the living. It is my prayer for him, that all that he desires in his heart to see concerning the work that God has committed into his hands, he will see it manifest in his very lifetime and be satisfied, in Jesus’ name, amen. As his days are, so shall his strength be; like Moses, whose eyes did not grow dim, neither did his strength abate, even at 120 years, much more shall it be for him, in Jesus’ name, amen. He will wax stronger in health, vitality and strength, with every passing day
Finally, concerning his family – his wife, children and grandchildren, God will continually safeguard and protect us all, in Jesus’ name, amen. Evil shall never come near us, neither shall any plague come near our dwelling. It is well with us all – spirit, soul and body, in Jesus’ name, amen.
I love you, Nna’m. Happy 80th Birthday!
