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Mr Godwin Adeh and his wife, Azipabu Adeh, have clocked 27 years in marriage. From a humble beginning when they were joined together in 1996, they overcame the rough patches of marriage, built their union and emerged stronger. Today, they own one of the largest wholesale depots of assorted soft drinks in Bayelsa State.
Although they are both from Bayelsa State, Mr Adeh is from Yenagoa Local Government Area while his wife is from Ogbia Local Government Area – two places with different cultures and ways of life. This has made their union stronger.
Reminiscing over their journey of 27 years, the couple identified God, and transparency of sources of finance as a key to a successful marriage in this interview with FEMI FOLARANMI.
How did you meet your wife?
Mr Godwin: Biblically for marriage, it says he who finds a wife finds a good thing. When you come of age, you have to look for a partner and help mate. In 1995, we met ourselves. I work in Yenagoa and we met ourselves at an eatery. We spoke and the relationship continued and gradually the love blossomed into what we are seeing today.
Was there any opposition to you marrying him?
Mrs Azipabu: There was no opposition. My mum was actually interested in him. She usually joked with him that “You are the one that I am going to give my daughter to.” At first, I never knew him. I lived and schooled in Port Harcourt, I only came around for holidays to work with my mum. But that joke was between My mum and him. As God would have it, it finally became a reality.
As a handsome man, you must have had girls flocking around you. So out of all the ladies, what made you go for her?
Mr Godwin: Yes, there were ladies around me that time but then the interest in her has been there because of her family background. She is very beautiful as you can see. When she was younger, she was slimmer. Aside encouragement that came from my people, I saw genuine affection for me in her.
You stayed in Port Harcourt city where you had many handsome guys. What qualities did you see in him that made you leave the city boys for a young man staying in rural Yenagoa?
Mrs Azipabu: He is gentle and kind. I prayed about it and God told me he is the right man. And when he proposed, I accepted.
Can you remember how you proposed to her?
Mr Godwin: I did not go directly at first. I sent it to my friend. That my friend knew my interest in her and also my fears so he said if I couldn’t talk to her, he would talk to her on my behalf. He eventually did.
How did you respond to his proposal?
Mrs Azipabu: (Laughs) I asked the friend why he was the one talking to me. I said I wanted to see the man that wanted to marry me. So, it was then that he came, proposed and I accepted.
Was there anything of interest during your wedding?
Mr Godwin: I was the first person in my area to do a proper marriage ceremony. What was in vogue then was more of cohabiting. As soon as there was pregnancy, man and woman would start to live together. So, during my wedding, the traditional ruler was present and some other important dignitaries. The entire community came. It was truly remarkable. We are also from different local government areas. She is from Ogbia and I am from Yenagoa. So it attracted people of diverse means.
In your 27 years of marriage, can you remember your first misunderstanding and how you resolved it?
Mr Godwin: This is a good question. Our first misunderstanding was on the second day of our wedding. The misunderstanding was about who to cook and how to cook. Before we married, we used to cook together. If she was cooking, I would help her. But on the second day of our wedding, the question was, who was to cook and how? It led to a sharp misunderstanding but we quickly resolved it almost immediately by both of us cooking.
What is your wife’s favourite food?
Mr Godwin: Rice and Stew
What is your husband favourite food?
Mrs Azipabu: Swallow with any kind of soup
What do you like most about your wife?
Mr Godwin: I like everything about her. She is very understanding. This is what keeps marriage going. She doesn’t like to have any bone of contention. She is understanding. In marriages, what causes problems is trying to have it your own way every time.
What do you like most about your husband?
Mrs Azipabu: He is very understanding. At first, it was not easy. But I have come to embrace his likes and dislikes just like he has done to mine.
What is your advice to a spinster planning to marry?
Mrs Azipabu: Any young girl planning to get married must be very patient with her husband. I married at a very young age. We married the year Bayelsa State was created. He was not a poor man when I married him; he was working. But the moment we got married, everything changed for him. His large expanse of land where the old House of Assembly house was built was taken over by the government with a payment of just N10 for each economic tree. That same month, the Risonpalm where he was working had to send them away from Rivers with the creation of Bayelsa State. So, he came to Bayelsa and there was no job. It was so tough but we thank God. The month we married was the month he was ejected from his house where the new Bayelsa State Government House was sited. But we survived it. I was doing small buying and selling then which we used to survive. So young girls have to be patient.
What is your advice to a bachelor looking forward to get married?
Mr Godwin: I want to advise a young man planning to marry to be transparent and tolerant. There is no need for fake love. Tell your wife-to-be who you are. If your father is a fisherman, tell your spouse. Tell her your likes and dislikes, your weak points. You should know your limits and make her understand your limits in terms of assistance. Transparency is key. If you have, she would know, if you don’t have, she would know. Every day when we close from work, we come to this business place. Marriage is a one-way traffic but there are some basic things you need. Transparency, faithfulness to your spouse. Then, communication. Misperception is not good in marriage. The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins. What it means is that love overlooks weakness.
Both of you are from different local government areas with different languages and distinct cultures. How was it easy for you to blend in terms of culture and interaction?
Mrs Azipabu: I am just like his handbag. That is what his community people call me. He can’t go to his community alone. His people would ask him where I am.
Mr Godwin: It shows the level of commitment of a wife to her husband. Once you marry a man, you marry him and his family. The same thing for a man. There is nothing like only your husband or only your wife, if you don’t want to have a problem. She accommodates my people. I am the fourth child of my parents. I have younger ones and I told her they can come at will. They do and she does not complain. For her own side too, she has a mother and father whom I see as my parents.
What roles do prayer and God play in successful marriages?
Mr Godwin: By the special grace of God, we are Christians. We attend the Assembly of God’s Church. I am a deacon and she is a deaconess. Challenges would come but because we are Christians, we do not panic; we hold our hands in prayer and talk to God. We don’t want third parties to come into our affairs. We have given our lives completely unto God. Love and understanding are secondary in marriages; the main thing is having God. In the 27 years of marriage, we have prayed over key decisions.
How should couples handle financial issues without running into problems?
Mr Godwin: I cannot tell people to operate the way I operate, but in our case, we don’t operate different accounts. Our money is our money. We don’t have separate properties. The Bible says a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. So, what God has joined together, let no one put asunder, so finances shall not put us asunder. Once couples know their individual sources of finance there would be no suspicion. It has worked for us but it may not work out for others like that. But ideally, that is the way it should be.
What would be your advice to a wife on how to keep her marriage?
Mrs Azipabu: One, she must be prayerful. Two, she must be industrious and hardworking. A woman must be doing something to support her husband. She must be patient and tolerant.
