In all thy getting, get money

Especially in my country. You cannot not be mocked without money. It doesn’t matter that you have everything else. Or that you are the most educated.

Without money, the uneducated call you foolish or illiterate. Without money, beggars call you heartless or poor. Without money, help seekers call you helpless or stingy. Without money, those who have no hope whatsoever call you hopeless or wicked.

Without money, criminals use you as the example they will never emulate. Without money, your boys call you mate. Without money, your spouse flees to greener pastures. Sssh, I did not say your wife, because men too can be gold diggers, can be money-centric.

Without money, your enemies give you a haircut in your absence. Without money, your friends make you an afterthought. Without money, your family take decisions in your absence. Without money, your mates call you Junior; your juniors call you mate. 

Without money, the people you helped avoid you. Most stupid protégés who suddenly think they are larger or richer than their benefactors always want to prove something. In fact, an alarming majority of them always want to hide behind their little finger. They desperately never want the world to know their background, their past, their yesterday.

That is why people constantly upgrade. When they arrive a certain class, they want to show both proofs and workings. They change cars, they change friends, they change houses, they change how they dress, how they eat, how they speak. Some even change spouses.

As my country has proved beyond every reasonable doubt, it is not just the world that is guilty of the foregoing. The so-called godly too are – even more. Church leaders are running from their shadow, lying and boasting as if they work for Satan not God. They buy themselves new spiritual fathers and flaunt them even more than they do the Christ they said called them.

Almost always, they revile their real heroes, in the process descending into vainglorious emptiness. They speak about their money and church edifices and congregation size; erroneously pointing to those as signs of success. In God’s work, that is a fat lie. Otherwise, how would many non-Christians (including atheists and traditional worshippers) be far richer than most pastors?

Still: in all thy getting, get money, my dear. Keep it clean, if you can but get it even if you can’t. You are finished without it. You cannot not have money, in my country.

It is a curse to be moneyless. It makes mincemeat of your age or size or standing. If you don’t have money, you sit never in the front row nor at the head table. If you like, be an early bird, the best and most conspicuous seats are reserved for deep pockets.

Wait, please, take out your pen and fill out stuff for me. I need this one information quickly. The last time that your country, your state, your local government, your village or your church honoured persons said to have added value to the system -the same value that very many never feel- pray, how many of those on the list don’t have money? My friend, in all thy getting, get money.

A couple of fortnights ago, a long lost fan emailed me. It felt so good to read from Enobong, after all those years. He  gleefully announced how he had graciously nominated me for a national award. He felt the honour “should at least compensate for your over three decade great work of developmental journalism, human capacity building and selflessness.” 

I looked forward to the Abuja event, which holds, I think, in another 10 days or so. I say “I looked forward” because eventually when the organisers reached me I was told there was an optional fee of eight hundred thousand naira, which would make me look really good as an awardee. Of course, I don’t belong in the class of award buyers. I have received tens of hundreds of awards over the last 35 years of my 53-year life, I have never paid for one nor shall I ever.

What this means is that I won’t make Abuja for that award. I shall not even receive it for free, as one of the organisers tried to suggest. And, except they read this and move to relax the rules drastically, I can bet that there won’t on that podium be any poor individual on award night. In my country, without money you cannot be visible enough for the government or such other award donors to honour you.

Even in the church said to be the special place of God. Even in your village of origin, the one place that integrity ought to be criterion numero uno. Without money, nothing for you. It is almost as if moneylessness repels recognition.

Everybody has wised up. People now go to incredible lengths and heights and depths to make money. They want to belong, anyhow. They steal, they kill, they destroy.

They act like their master, Satan, but once moneyful they appear on God’s altar to praise and worship Him for blessing them so much. They dance and sing and regale unlucky us with tales of how their fasting or prayer or tithe made them super rich overnight. Prosperity gospel is evil. It demarkets God as a business chief whom you must help to help you.

Unacceptable, ridiculous testimonies, those. Satan knows these money lovers are his. He smiles knowing that God neither acknowledges nor recognises these false testifiers. God is not, has never been and shall never be (only) about money.

Be smart, though. Without money, appreciation is scarce. Without money, economy is tough. Without money, friendship is challenging.

Without money, invitations are few and far between. Without money, journeys are tedious. Without money, kisses are short and flat. Without money, life and death are hard.

Without money, jokes are disrespectful, disdainful. Without money, process is perfunctory, boring. Without money, romance is plastic, forced. Without money, soup tastes different, bland.

Without money, law is enforced. Without money, pain is unbearable. Without money, shame is deeper. Without money, worst is worse than it should be.

In all thy getting, get money. With money, the law looks away or tempers justice with mercy. With money, your smell is their fragrance. With money, your worst dresses up like and passes for their best.

Finally, whatever you do, whatever you say, wherever you are, remember this one thing. In all thy getting, get money or learn what I call insulationism. You know real peace if you teach yourself contentment, you teach yourself how to enjoy abasing and abounding. Life is simple if you choose to allow it so.

God bless Nigeria!