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Dear Njigirl,
My younger sister likes to flirt with my husband and he seems to enjoy the attention. I don’t really like the sort of jokes they enjoy. How can I tell her to take it easy without hurting her feelings?
AUDREY
Hi Audrey,
Is there any reason for you to suspect that there is more than just camaraderie between them? Does he have any sisters? If not your younger sister might be filling that void. He married you and not your sister so take control of yourself and your emotions. If there is nothing to worry about then so be it. Now if you suspect more than just that friendship, look your sister in the eye and tell her that you don’t like her closeness with your husband and that you are sensitive to the jokes they crack and do not want it to continue. If she is reasonable, she will cut it out but bear in mind that initially she will minimize her visits to your home and eventually she may stop visiting all together. If you are fine with that arrangement then go for it.
Dr. NJ
Njigirl,
My boss likes me and has asked me out for drinks this weekend. I am ok with the idea but worried about how to act come Monday morning in the office. Should I pretend it never happened or just relax around him?
ROSEMARY
Hello Rosemary,
There are several reasons office romance is bad. What if there is an embarrassing moment after your boss drinks too much liquor and begins to grope you. You end up slapping him and taking a taxi home? What if things are so chummy that he kisses you and you actually enjoy it and call him Bill (his first name instead of Mr. Bassey)?
What if you then get to the office on Monday morning so bright and “in love” with him that you actually call him Bill in front of the staff? Well guess what the rumour mill will embark on for the rest of the month?
Office romance is generally bad and worse when the boss is dating the subordinate. In this case it will be a disaster for your boss when he does not return the feelings that you are already feeling after one hot date. If you request vacation time and he denies it, you may think it is because ‘he is not into you” and then you begin to act out. When you are in this terrible mood, your work suffers.
Now let us assume that he is the one who falls head over heels in love with you but you do not reciprocate. After all it was just a one night stand. He begins to harass you and denies you that vacation out of spite. You report him to the Human Resources (HR) Department and it is termed sexual harassment.
He might end up losing his job.
In conclusion, office romance is bad. Period. Ok, if you are both on the same level and end up falling in love and getting married, HR will most likely transfer one of you to a different department. This is to avoid any emotional disruptions in the office involving both of you or yet a third party who has eyes for either of you.
The lesson here is to keep your pants out of the office setting.
Dr. NJ
