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• Africa now embracing culture of death -Bishop
From Uchenna Inya, Abakaliki
Many marriages have broken down irretrievably, while some are on the verge of collapse. Some relationships that should have ordinarily led to marriage have also crashed, with couples and lovers going their separate ways because of irreconcilable issues.
Lives have been lost in most cases in the issues. Those whose marriages have endured, as well as some experts, said love, respect, submissiveness, forgiveness, tolerance and perseverance were noticeably lacking in such relationships and marriages.
But the marriage of 71-year-old Mrs. Felicia Orogwu has lasted 50 years and still counting.
Felicia and her husband Patrick Orogwu, 81, wedded in March, 1974. The marriage, which had its own challenges that nearly ended it, produced eight children – six male and two female children.
They withered the storm and became a reference point to other couples who lack love, understanding, tolerance, perseverance and forgiveness in their own marriages.
The woman told Saturday Sun that she didn’t know that the marriage would last so long because of many temptations she passed through which many couples today will not endure.
She recounted the communal crisis in Ezillo, Ishielu Local Government area of the state that claimed thousands of lives and property worth billions of naira. She recalled that the crisis affected her family, which forced them to relocate to Nkomoro community in Ezza North Local Government area of the state where they began life afresh.
Felicia said the situation would have ordinarily separated them if they are the new generation couple that cannot withstand temptation.
She also said that she has been taking care of her husband and even more caring because of the fragile nature of the man. She opined that many women would have been maltreating their husbands in this condition so that the man would die for them to be free. The woman said further disclosed that raising her eight children was another challenge that would have made her to quit the marriage or look outside to be able to raise them, pointing out that things were so difficult for her to the level of not being able to cater for the children.
Her words: “I thank God that my marriage lasted very long and my husband and I are still together in our marriage in good health. We had many temptations that would have separated us but we have been able to withstand them.
“My husband has never raised his hand on me since we got married in 1974. If I offend him and I know that he is angry, I always avoid him and apologise to him when he calms down. If he offends me, he doesn’t waste time to apologise to me.
“This has been the secret of our successful marriage. Outsiders have never settled problem between me and my husband. Nobody has ever seen us quarrelling or fighting publicly like many couples today. We have never fought nor quarrelled to the extent that an outsider would notice it. We always have issues as human beings from different family backgrounds, but none of those issues have lasted for long. We don’t waste time to settle our issues.
“Many marriages have crashed today because wives are no more submissive. They no longer respect a man. A man needs respect and I have been respecting my husband. No man likes disrespect. Any woman that doesn’t respect her husband, her marriage will never last. Women should begin to have respect for their husbands. They should begin to be submissive to have lasting marriage. They should take things easy by managing what they have because greed has killed some marriages today.
“I have eight children and there was never a time I made my husband to steal or do other bad things to satisfy me by catering for me and our eight children. At times, we will sleep hungry and no one will notice it. When things are good, we are always happy and when things are bad we are also happy and that’s how marriage should be.
“Withstanding temptations like I said earlier is very important. I have seen a lot in life and I have endured them. We lost all we have in Ezillo Ishielu Local Government area of the state during the communal war that claimed many lives. We lost everything. We came to this Nkomoro in Ezza North and begin life afresh. Some women would have left their husbands because there was nothing to cater for the family.
“My husband is very fragile now. He has serious sickness that whenever the sickness starts, you will think that the world has ended. I have been taking care of him. I have been treating him well. Some women will even be another sickness to their husband by maltreating the man so that he would quickly die. They forget that no family is complete without a man (husband).
One of her children, Sampson Orogwu described his father and mother as wonderful parents.
He praised his father for managing equal love in their family which he said made the marriage very successful. He also recounted many challenges in the marriage that would have affected the union, including the Ezillo war, general hardship and other issues including his father’s chronic illness which rather strengthened the marriage.
“My father is such a person that can sacrifice anything to make sure that his marriage survives. He has managed equal love in his family which is what we the children are still enjoying today. My father built bridges, he built bond, he built love.
“My parents have set a record for every family, a record of love, a record of peace and unity. You know this period, so many families are undergoing challenges. There are so many broken homes. So, for them to have endured, tolerated each other till this moment, it calls for big celebration,” he stated.
A Catholic Bishop, Rev. Peter Nworie Chukwu attributed the cause of broken marriages today to all the things going on in the world where copying the wrong things has become the order of the day.
Chukwu, the Bishop of Abakaliki Diocese, described crashed marriages as a big problem in the society. He told Saturday Sun that those in marriages today have now embraced a culture of death and abandoned the culture of life Africa was known for in marriage.
He called on couples to imbibe tolerance, perseverance and love for a successful marriage.
He said: “If a couple loves one another, they will persevere and their marriage will be a happy one. But there is no such a thing as a perfectly happy marriage. There are moments of sadness, moments of joy, but for a mature and good couple to be able to understand each other and stick with each other, when things are good, when things are bad, the answer is love.
“The issue of crashing marriages is a big problem. It is a result of all the things going on in the world today. The world has become a global village and when you watch the television, you go online, you listen to the radio, you hear all kinds of things going on that are inimical to family life and our people are so good in copying the wrong thing.
“There was a time when we used to say, when we were children that every mistake in London is a new style in Africa and it has proven to be true. We don’t copy the right things. We don’t emulate the fact that America and Europe has eminent scholars. They go to the moon and all that. We don’t imitate those, but we imitate the very wrong things. And so, that’s the reason for the breakdown of our families.
“If we return to God, if we return to our good cultural heritage because Africa is blessed with great cultures, our families will continue to stand the test of time. If you go to other parts of the world, they always cite Africa as a place where family is cherished. We always welcome children when mothers become pregnant and we children are given birth to.
“In other cultures, they promote abortions, contraception. In Africa, it is not like that but there are people who are beginning to copy that example and it is called the culture of death. African has had the culture of life all along, but they are abandoning the culture of life to embrace the culture of death.”
