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By Oluseye Ojo
February 14, 2024, is both Ash Wednesday, which signifies the commencement of the Lenten season for Christians, and Valentine’s Day, otherwise known as Lovers’ Day.
To many, the conflicting themes of love on Valentine’s Day and the penitence of Ash Wednesday are a sort of clash between the two extremes.
However, Dr. Mrs Celine Nwabueze Njoku, a distinguished Counselling Psychologist Consultant, a Fellow and National Vice President, Counselling Association of Nigeria (CASSON), sheds light on the significance and between of clash between Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day this year.
She emphasises the interconnectedness of the two events and stresses the importance of genuine love in both celebrations. She calls for a harmonious celebration that focuses on reconciliation, humility, selflessness, alms giving and genuine love.
February 14 is both Valentine’s Day and Ash Wednesday. What does that mean to you?
In 2018, the Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day fell on the same day. Now, here we are in 2024, the two events also fall on the same day. And anytime it comes up like this, what comes to my mind as a counselling psychologist, who deals with adolescents, young adults, and adults, is the fact that people abused one in the past, which is Valentine’s Day, and here is Lent. The basis for the two is genuine love.
So, both Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day are another key phenomenon in Christendom. They are two extremes. I concluded that some things have to be told, which is the fact that the two events can be on the same day or the same pedestal because people have abused one on the past with a lot of lust, not love.
So, in the Lenten period, there is love. We only need to be told how they can be on the same day, and everybody would be happy and our creator would be happy.
Where is the relationship between the two dates?
The two events can actually fall on the same day, and we will still have a good rapport with our creator.
What is this Lent? It is a period of alms giving, and reconciliation with God, and then with your fellow man; that is your neighbour. The world neighbour is not referring to one person near to you. You must have a mark on your community. It represents humility. You may be weak but you have to allow yourself to be strong in order to go forward.
This is why we go for ash. When you want to take this ash, you must bow for the priest to put the ash on you. It is the significance of your humility. It means that you are empty, and you need filling. And the filling is the fasting that holds for 40 days. The 40 days are for almsgiving. It is the time to look at the nothingness of man. It is the same thing with Valentine. If you truly love, it should be out of your nothingness.
So, Lent is showing our nothingness, while Valentine’s Day is a day of love. It was a Reverend Father that said there should be love in the family, between families and among families, especially for females. He started propagating it; let there be love. That was the time of Emperor Claudius II in the Third Century. He propagated it, and he was put into jail… This man was out for love, real love, not lust. He was later executed. He died. And he died on February 14th.
So, Catholicism came up and said let us immortalise St Valentine by remembering him on 14th February. Let us call it a lover’s day. That was the day they worshipped their goddess.
Veronica in Christendom, not minding the risks of the soldiers came out to wipe the face of Jesus Christ, filled with blood. So, in the Lenten period, you fast, do almsgiving, and give yourself to prayer. Why? It is because of the love of God. The food that you eat three times a day, you would have to share with those that do not have. You can share some tubers of yam and clothing materials. Another level of love is when God sent his only son. So, the music of lovers’ day and Ash Wednesday is love.
Do you think Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day should complement each other?
Yes, they should complement each other. This is love. Valentine signifies love, and so does Lent. The relationship between the two is that they are about love and giving. You cannot talk of Valentine without mentioning love. Also, you cannot talk about Lent, without mentioning love.
This means love is the reason for both season. Love is an affective tendency towards some good people. Love is the affinity of being with beings. Who is that being? The human beings. Love alone is capable of uniting people together.
We are suffering in Nigeria. A little love will beat down the prices of food items, and beat down the pump price of fuel. Let Mr. President show that he loves Nigerians. Even if they don’t eat, they will go around wearing the cloak, saying my president loves me. Let the lawmakers come out and show love to their constituents.
The aspect of love is one in action; love for God, love for self, and love for neighbours. Religion began with love: “Thou shall love the Lord, your God…” Then, everything will expire, it is only love that does not have expiry date.
Irrespective of tribal affiliations, we are human beings and we should be one. We all have one head, two legs, and so on.
How should people plan to celebrate Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day simultaneously this year?
People may not be well aware or have understanding of what Valentine’s Day is all about. You cannot put two negative things together. Yes, the end justifies the means. The endpoint of Valentine is love and the endpoint of Lent is love. Therefore, people and families should come together and reconcile. There should be reconciliation in the families, and among people. Wives should leverage on the reason for the season to be submissive to their husbands, while husbands too should love their wives. Husband and wife should join their hands together and pray to God. So, the Lenten period is a time for reconciliation of differences.
What cultural and religious implications do you see in the clash of these two?
St Valentine was a Catholic priest. The Christian calendar is drawn by the Catholic fathers. We don’t even know them. They are the church fathers. St Peter was the first Pope, who ate together with Jesus Christ on the same table and that is why we called it Saint Peter’s Basilica. After that, no other Pope is allowed to bear St Peter. Peter was there. Judas Iscariot was there, when they ate the last meal. The Saints came together then, and drew up the Church Calendar. By that time, it was only the Catholic Church that had the Christian families.
If you love your God, go and show that you truly love. When you love somebody, go the extra mile.
Is it not challenging to balance the solemnity of Ash Wednesday with the romanticism of Valentine’s Day?
In Lent, keep loving. The food that you would have eaten that day, go and share it with poor people that you love. Give them money. Give them something. As you are showing love on that Ash Wednesday, you are also practising lent and you are also showing love on the Valentine’s Day.
How do you think this clash will affect the way people celebrate or observe these occasions?
A number or people will abuse the day because they are not aware of the significance of it. Ignorance is expensive and it is not an excuse. Do you know that Valentine’s Day is the day some of our girls get deflowered and possibly get pregnant?
Valentine’s Day is the day you will discover that your husband is keeping a woman outside. It is a day you will see somebody drinking to stupor. It is a day you will see that all hotels are fully booked. It is a day some waste money on their girlfriends. People should also realise that the Lenten period is a time that they can apply sanity. Many people may not be aware, but as many that are aware, should sanitise the way things are being done. What is valentine? We should all know that Valentine’s Day is for genuine love, not lust. Then, give out gifts. But the giving out does not mean exchange of calories (sexual intercourse). It is not for people who are not married.
Are there any ideas or traditions you have in mind to harmonise these two events?
No. There is nothing. It has been determined by the church. Next year, we know when Ash Wednesday will come up. It is left for us to discern what is good and what is not. But there should be genuine love. If you practise genuine love that day, you are on your way to good Lenten period.
Which event holds greater significance for you personally – Ash Wednesday or Valentine’s Day?
I hold Ash Wednesday more important than Valentine’s Day. To me genuine love is the keyword to get the fruitful ash.
Does the clash of Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day hold any particular significance or impact on your belief system or personal values?
Gone were the days when Valentine’s Day was seen as evil. Even, some churches now plan Valentine’s Day for their children and the youth, which means it is a normal thing. The church will like to show love to their young ones. They would want to throw parties and give gifts.
So, the impact it has on my belief system is that I have become more aware that Valentine’s Day should not be associated with lust, but genuine love. If you don’t love, you would not participate in the Lenten period.
If the social ills in the country would be corrected, the family units must be put on the front burner. The rate of divorce in the country is very alarming. As a counselling psychologist, how can this be corrected?
We need genuine love. There is no more genuine love in marriages. In fact, in human institutions, no more genuine love. This is affecting economic institution, marriage institution, religious institution, political institution, and so on.
You are to eat once a day during the Lenten period. The woman or the man can go extra mile to make this year’s Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day a memorable one. The wife can forgo the trivialities, inconsequential things, and catalogues of things of ego. The woman needs to be submissive and the man needs to love his wife. You need to recognise your spouse, love your spouse, even if there is nothing from her end. It can work. Many things can be reconciled.
