In many homes, the absence of sexual vibes for both men and women continues to soar as each day breaks. There is no gathering of adults that such would not be discussed in hush hush tones. Men and women in their rights, entitlement mentality and justification, which knowingly and unknowingly is bringing down and killing sexual vibes outrightly. With several underlying complaints pilling up each day from couples, one then wonders, when will the victims shield their sword and enjoy the benefit of marriage? How could couples share a bed for years without doing the needful? Some have just become room-mates in their own homes and effortlessly refuse to fix their challenges. What a pity. And sexual drive becomes an octopus which various legs finds food outside its territory. Only if couples know what they are missing spiritually, emotionally and romantically. When complaints of disrespect, poor conduct and attitude takes the center stage in a marital relationship, it definitely kills the pleasure of sexual performances. There are so many couples who have not enjoyed God’s free given romantic pleasure several years because they refuse to let go and drop bitter-bags of complaints. So, why would one allow him or herself to be overwhelmed and be caged in a boxed dispute; thereby exempting him or herself from the sugar-coated pleasure of sexual vibes. When a couple starts operating on a ‘see-finish’ level, it must surely affect their sexual lives.
Now, those men who have not come to terms with the body chemistry of their women, you might be at risk when you argue and quarrel with your woman recklessly without control. The moment men understand that marriage is a partnership between a senior and junior partner, frail nerves would be calm and sexual vibes will always flow. If he understands that the junior partner’s voice must not be completely shut down, he is good to go in his demand for sexual enjoyment. If you give her the wing to fly, sexual vibes will be in your corner whenever you demand for it. Apart from paying bills, when a husband also supports the wife domestication, he becomes a child who has washed his hands well to dine with the kings.
Regrettably, the easiest formula of expressing anger by women is sexual resistance. They also refuse to understand that a woman’s power lies in between her legs. Once Mama is not happy, she simply locks up spiritually and emotionally. And the moment she locks up, it can only take love and care to break the mindset-padlock for oil rig exploration to take place. But then, the parable of fallen victim and champion says ‘all are on ground.’ Well, for those men who wears ego and masculinity as an apparel to suppress their women, who would boastfully stray outside to chop and clean mouth; bear in mind that east, west, north and south, home is the best.
Again, sexual vibes and attractions are some of the reasons why one should settle with a man or woman who they are sexually attracted to. One could love a partner but not sexually attracted to him or her. So many take the shot into marriage wearing the wrong cap. While beautiful facial looks have paved way for some men, it has equally disappointed some, especially when a woman’s inner strength, worth, ideas and values are played down. In the same vein, some ladies who settled for the six-pack and cash cow empty heads are also in utter regret because when the chills are down, both would discover they are in a cage and tries to break lose for freedom. At this point wrong attitude would have completely taken the place of romance, sexual enjoyment and its aftermath.
A wrong attitude is a wrong attitude. Standard practice is also standard practice. When a man makes his woman a queen, the woman would retaliate and make him a king before all. A man cannot wake and reduce his in-laws to nothing and expect oil-rig to flow in the night and vice versa. No matter how poor or lowly placed each in-law is, they deserve their respect in the union of their children. No husband would celebrate a wife who brands his probably a widowed mother ‘witch’ and expect her son to tilt the ground and be happy with her. Those women who lack simple respect for their husbands, religious extremist who place their religious head’s instruction above their husbands, you are big-time jokers. Women who sleep and wake up from the church while their home suffers. Another former colleague told me in the canteen years ago how his wife starves him of sex. “I went to report to her pastor that she has starved me the conjugal intimacy for five years; Sir, ask her what I did to her.” Pastor was astonished and demanded from his regular church member what was amiss. She had no explanation, but only said, she thought sex is only meant for procreation. Women who also cheat on their men, your days are numbered as well. These are poor attitudes that could kill sexual drives. Women who provide for the family while ridiculing their husbands, be informed that no one knows tomorrow. Women who raze their husbands with all manner of insolence at the slightest offence. When Daniel a close pal was set for his traditional marriage, he looked dapper and his father, Chief Mezu, a retired teacher called him inside and asked him: “Are you ready to bear names like idiot, stupid, bastard, and useless man? Because these names would come your way from your wife one day, not today, but some day.” Daniel looked at his father with shock and nodded in affirmation. Chief gave him a pat on the back and asked him to go ahead with the traditional marriage. There are some men who do not like their wives to be appreciated publicly so their heads will not swell. You the husband will not admire her, then others will not admire. You choose to correct her public, compare her with other women, rush her in and out of sex and expect the heavens to fall on the bed.
For some other men who are cheating husbands, financially reckless men, cyber-crime and drug addict experts, the ones God described as ‘infidel, meant for the public while your family suffers; how would a woman be proud to open her legs to such a man? Your curriculum vitae is enough to kill sexual drives. Work on your personality, then count your teeth with your tongue if sexuality is in your kitty.
Ben, a close pal refused to eat his wife’s food for calling him an infidel. Ben wept. Tonia in anger said “Ask him the last time he paid any bill in the house; I have shouldered every financial responsibility as his wife. He has been like this over the years without any one knowing. I thought with raising of children, he would have changed.”
Understandably and naturally, men heal faster than women during rough situations and demand for sex which might also solve the problem. But for the drives to be flowing, let all communicate openly with their partners, listen to yourselves attentively and reassure yourselves of your place in each other’s lives.
For the women, have you wondered why your once active man suddenly becomes vegetable while lying skin-to-skin with him? According to a former colleague, she described the situation as ‘unfortunate’ and remembers how some women sarcastically sing to the tune of divorced Gozie and Njideka Okeke’s ‘Kunie, n’ibu dike crooners. (Rise, you are a king) for their cheating husbands at such moments. Have you also wondered why his alleged side-chic is bubbling. Or do you think that for the fact he is weak around you, he is also vegetable outside the home?
Dear married couples, no matter how educated, handsome, beautiful and accomplished, know that bad attitude kills sexual drive. Wake up and correct yourselves.