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Caveat! If you want to choose a mentor, carry out a thorough integrity check on them before you finally decide to have them mentor you. The teacher must have been well instructed before they can teach others. There are many who mentor others today who actually need to be mentored. It is like a case of the blind leading the sighted, they’d both fall into a ditch.
If you submit to the wrong mentor, like I did many years ago, they’d teach you the wrong things. I had to tell off my former, ill-informed, unqualified mentor to his face: “Teacher, don’t teach me nonsense”, apologies to Fela, author of the hit song from which this popular refrain was taken.
Wrong mentors can destroy your destiny. So, be careful because a destiny destroyed is a life lost, you have to be sure that the person leading you is capable, competent and is of a sound mind. It is also very important to know that the religious world-view, belief systems, moral values and life style of a mentor align with yours. You need to investigate the mentor thoroughly to ascertain their qualification to lead or teach you.
Imagine being mentored by a psychopath, a crook, sexual pervert, religious bigot, racist, tribalist or 419ner! They’d initiate you into things that do not edify, if you are lucky not to be led into the pit of hell. There are many cases of young fresh men and girls on campus who came under the influence of so-called godfather or godmother who ended up initiating these innocent kids into wayward, satanic cults.
It is always very difficult to liberate these folks from such terrible perverts, who often rule over their mentors with the spirit of fear, intimidation and moral terror. A parent should be wary of the company their wards keep. A parent should monitor friends and relationships between their children and others very closely. If you are a parent reading this piece, take this counsel seriously: protect your kids from predatory mentors. If you don’t, you may regret it.
I believe that even if a child has come of age, they should still be monitored or guided so that they do not stray and fall prey to evil mentors. Whoever is mentoring your child should come under scrutiny. Good people are difficult to find in these days of abominations. There are evil men and women who pretend to be nice. That’s no surprise because even the devil can pose as an angel of light.
Today, we contend with grotesque murders, social media relationships that ensnare unsuspecting “friends”. A lot of facebook friends end up committing crimes like kidnappings, extortions, or even killing of victims.
Any mentoring relationship should be open, godly, transparent and mutually beneficial. A genuine mentor should not exploit their mentees or take advantage of them. Even if a mentor is rendering a service of sorts to a mentee, payment for such service should be fair and competitive. Any relationship that produces once-sided benefit is pure exploitation and should be abandoned.
A mentor should not encourage the mental enslavement of a mentee, regardless of what they purport to know or teach. If you learn anything progressive, you should be at liberty to share it; otherwise such knowledge or information is suspect. There’s no exclusive information or wisdom. That’s how we guard against fraud, heresies or enchantments by anyone who exercises any degree of influence over us.
You should beware of spiritual mentors like pastors, prophets, etc. There are many role models who are very good, but fraudsters also abound in the Body of Christ. So, make sure you do not allow anyone exploit you, regardless of the title they flaunt. Every genuine mentor must be open in their dealings, if they have nothing to hide. A mentor who insists on a secret relationship has something sinister up their sleeves; walk away from such people before they destroy you.
Distance does not really matter in mentoring someone. You can be mentored by an author, minister of God, motivational speaker, a political icon, scholar, or even an influential personage in any field, regardless of where they live. What is important is to have access to the channel of communication through which you can access the mentor’s tutelage, counsel or teachings. A mentee can follow a mentor’s work on social media channels or through books and still profit immensely.
At the moment, most of my mentees read my column in the SUN newspaper or on the online portal. Many send me text messages or chat me up on whatsapp. Some read my books or listen to my TV broadcasts. That’s how we connect. Of course, a lot of folks are waiting to attend my seminar which is another platform for direct, physical contact between us. That’s as far as I can go. I do not encourage private relationships with mentees for whatever reason. I have set some moral and ethical standards for myself as a public figure, in order to safeguard my integrity.
There’re dangerous folks out there who pose as mentees, but are in reality, criminals who are out to scam mentors. There are bad mentors and there are equally bad mentees. You need to be circumspect in your dealings with people generally, whether you are a mentor or a mentee.
Weekend Spice: You cannot win the game of the future, rooting for the past – Pastor Mike Iheanacho.
Ok folks, let’s do it again next Friday. Stay blessed.
• Ladi Ayodeji is an author, rights activist, pastor and life Coach. He can be reached for mentoring and counseling on 09059243004 (SMS and Whatsapp only).
