By Christopher Oji
Recently, women of St. Paul’s Catholic Church, Obawole, Iju, Lagos, celebrated Mother’s Day. One thing that would remain indelible in the minds of many was the admonition of the mothers that men should be celebrated as they also play motherly roles in the home.
A member of the Knights and Ladies of St. Mulumba, Lady Chinyere Okafor argued: “It is important to see motherhood as something that is all-encompassing, even as Mother’s Day celebration was not just for mothers but also for fathers and the girl child.
“Anybody handling the responsibility of motherhood should be regarded as a mother. For instance, mothers should also wish their husbands a ‘Happy Mother’s Day,’ because, our fathers, even our children, sometimes, stand in the gap for us as mothers when we are weak or unable to discharge our responsibilities. Our fathers are always there to support us, so we have to equally give them the commendation of motherhood.
“They also help us to do our work by supporting us financially, morally, socially and otherwise. If as women, our lives are not balanced psychologically, emotionally and financially. There is no way we can play our roles well with the children.
“So, when our fathers or husbands support us and stand in the gap for us, they also share in this celebration. That is why we can see the Holy Family of Jesus, Joseph and Mary. It is a total combination for it to work, it is not the responsibility of just one person.” she said.
Okafor decried the trend where some women tend to entrap their husbands by shifting the act of parental discipline or punitive actions to men: “It is a very unfortunate situation. As a church, we don’t encourage that. Even the Blessed Virgin Mary who is our role model never encouraged that. In all situations, we saw how she passed on every situation to God. She meditated on the situation and was also sorrowful for being together with her son in all his passion.
“What that is trying to tell us is that, as parents and as mothers, in particular, we need to get to know our children better and be part and parcel of their situations. Let us not allow society to take them away from us such that we don’t know what is happening in their lives.
“When we don’t know what is happening in their lives, there is no way we can be a guide or support or pray for them. We all need to bond together. The overall message is that we need to bond together as a family so that we can achieve the goal of making the children soldiers of Christ and imitators of Christ.”
For women who are looking for the fruit of the womb, Lady Okafor advised that they should not feel bad that they were yet to have their own children but see everything as the will of God, while they continue to be fervent in prayers:
“For us as a group in the church, we believe that they are awaiting the Lord. Our Christian faith is all about faith, hope and charity. As long as we are alive, as long as they are alive, they must continue to be positive that God is going to answer their prayers because God does not deny our prayers.”
She also observed that childbirth could be delayed for reasons best known to God, “but in the end, their prayers would be answered, to the Glory of God.”
She noted that even the Bible recognised that some women were barren and were not able to conceive on their own: “Our Lord Jesus Christ even assured them of paradise on the last day, if only they can just hold on to their faith, without losing it seeking other gods for a solution. Show every child love as some would reciprocate the love when they least expect it.”
Founder, Informed and Focused Youths of St. Paul, Mrs Chinyere Chibundu, said: “Mothers should nurture children, but with what obtains in the country today, some mothers appear to have failed in this singular responsibility. The role of a mother comes naturally to her the moment she gives birth to her child.
“The bonding starts the moment a child is born and she begins to nurture and care for the baby. Even in animals, you see how the mother hen takes care of the chicks; the way it feeds them and protects them, that is the same way mothers take care of their babies.
“The work of a mother in this generation is already cut out for her and that is because she has to face such situations as unpopular beliefs trending within the youth space, and by the time she is nurturing in the house, the child goes out and then what you see is a different thing that he comes back home with.
“This also has to do with globalisation because cultures have been watered down. The culture that we have in Nigeria has been watered down by foreign cultures. An example is when you boys started sagging their trousers, not knowing that sagging is actually something that came up from the prison in America where prisoners are not allowed to use belts. When they come out, they’re already used to it but our youths are now copying that.
“Or, is it the girls going about showing so much of their bodies? I can tell you for free that many mothers are in tears. If you go to the Blessed Sacrament Chapel, you’ll see them on their knees, calling on God, crying and asking God to come to the rescue of their children.
“Mothers are not failing. Mothers are not relenting and that is one thing about mothers, they are resilient, they don’t give up, they continue. Just like the mother of Saint Augustine, she never gave up until Saint Augustine was converted. Saint Augustine later became a saint and even the mother also became a saint just for being on her knees and continuing to nurture her son.
“Youth misbehaviour has always been there, but the resilience of the mother continues beyond breastfeeding and giving them food in the house, to knowing what to do. Parents should be friends of their children on social media so you can see what is happening.
“Some of the groups that your child belongs to, you can become friends with their friends. When they’re in secondary school, you can invite their friends home, entertain them, talk to them and advise them so as to think in the same direction as your child because it is peer pressure that is confusing the minds of the youths.
“In the past, you would see that grandmothers really knew what to do. They could spank the child even though they spoil the child with food, but they would keep on saying wise things to the child. Today, my grandmother is overwhelmed.
“We’ve seen situations where a grandmother who wanted to correct her grandchild ended up being killed by the grandchild. That’s because the grandmother is overwhelmed, she cannot keep up with the level of agitation, hooliganism and disobedience in the youths of today.
“When you send them over there, by the time they get there, you’ll see the grandmother tired and stressed. Because of that, parents now find that it’s better to try their best since they’re still a bit younger to monitor them. Even at that, only the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit can bring about good morals in children.”