Follow Us on Google
Most couples who walk down the aisle on their wedding day compulsorily recite the marriage creed at the altar as administered by a priest. Part of that creed reads “For better, for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health till death do us part.” The marital oath or wedding vow is a carefully crafted guiding principle of a legal union. Let us not forget that marriage is an institution ordained by God and therefore should be followed with utmost respect, trust and unity by the spouses in the union.
Unfortunately, going by what is happening in various homes, it seems the men no longer cherish their women according to marital vows. In the wake of a little disagreement, both are heading different ways. With seeming strictures placed on women by African culture, they are always at the receiving end when marital separation or divorce occurs. What women lose from divorce and separations are not just material things, but inner peace, emotional stability, strength and focus. Some even lead to depression and death as the case may be.
Many frontline celebrities have told stories of what they lost in their past marriages, the most important being peace of mind. Some strong ones succeed in rebuilding their lives after a very long time.
It has, therefore, become imperative for ladies to be careful in choosing a life partner. Those who dabble into a relationship sheepishly should learn from others. Dating is not marriage. Engagement is not marriage. You are not married until the wedding is done. Therefore, work with these rules if you are not yet married to a man.
1. First, keep your money to yourself. Do not give him an account of your daily, monthly or yearly income. The stage of the relationship is still a tutelage stage and not marriage.
2. It is not your responsibility as his girlfriend to prepare his favorite meals, cook for his guests and clean his house. Before he met you, how was he feeding and living?
3. When you are not married to a man, do not give him a baby because there is time for everything. A man who is ready for a baby knows the procedure, and it starts with wedding. At one event, I saw a very young content creator with a baby tied at her back. Story had it that she played into the hands of a young fraudulent boy during her service year and a baby came from that illicit relationship. Her parents were so disappointed in her, especially her mother who bluntly said to her: “While others were returning from service year with discharge certificate, you returned with a baby without marriage.” Her father did not welcome her. She started squatting with her friends and life took a different turn for her. Wherever she is, a baby is tied on her back. Content is not paying yet and life has taken a toll on her. She is in pains, tears and regret because her “man” is still running around as a yahoo boy, not interested in settling down and has no meaningful means of survival.
4. Do not ever sacrifice your career, business or job for a man who has not married you. It will be sheer stupidity to do so. Even as a married woman, your empowerment is your power of survival. If you are sick, you don’t need to beg before getting to the hospital for treatment. Your job, career, business should not be sacrificed on the altar of relationship and marriage. Most importantly, do not give him access to your finances. I watched a young female hairdresser in Lekki report and accuse her fiancé of stealing N300,000 from her account with her ATM card after discovering her pin. One wonders how a fiancé will steal from his hardworking fiancée. So, ladies be smart. Even as the love is getting to a crescendo, do not allow your boyfriend to be part of your business. Let him be away from your source of income. That was how 32-year-old Ewomazino trusted her boyfriend Fredrick with her business and car. With time, Fred began to show entitlement mentality as Madam’s boyfriend. Whenever she travelled outside the country to import fabrics, Fred would assume the position of boss. He would come to the showroom and be giving out orders and instructions until Efe, Zino’s older sister came and shamefully drove him away.
5. Do not co-habit while in a relationship. It will always bring you pure ridicule even from your boyfriend’s relatives. Co-habiting is not a sign of responsibility, but evidence of lack of confidence. What are you afraid of? Where were you living before you met him? After living with a boyfriend, doing all the cooking, washing, and engaging in full time sex, if he does not want you, all the freebies you “invested” in the relation really mean nothing to him. You might be shocked that while co-habiting with him in his house, his mind is somewhere pampering another lady and frolicking seriously with her.
Other News
6. Be smart, while loving your boyfriend. Play your love game, but avoid your deep family vulnerabilities. Do not expose your family deficiencies to him. Do not let him know the sisters you are supporting financially, the widows and their children that are in your care. It is not part of the relationship.
7. Do not change your future plans because of your boyfriend. While the relationship is ongoing, if you want to travel outside the country for a holiday, please do it. Do you want to get short courses to acquire a foreign certificate, please get it fast! If you want to buy a car for yourself, build a house for your parents, please, go ahead and do not change your future plans.
8. Do not let him instigate a fight between you and your siblings who live with you. His position in your life is still that of a boyfriend, until he does the needful; then he can decide who lives with you or not.
9. Sisters, you are not his nursing benefit if he is sick. While running around, nursing him as his girlfriend, he might be checking out a nurse in that same hospital. Beatrice was shocked to her marrow when she met Sandra in the house of Vincent, her boyfriend. Sandra was one of the nurses they met when Vincent was on admission and being treated for typhoid/malaria. She wondered how Sandra traced Vincent’s house until she swapped her simcard with Vincent’s own and saw all the messages. She wept her heart out. It might be hurtful, but the moment he cheats or betrays you, find a way out immediately. It is better you fix it early than to swallow the bitter pill of cheating. He will not change; except you want to live with it.
10. Do not be an in-law benefit to your boyfriends’ parents. From school, Tobi would sneak to visit Debo’s parents who would welcome her. She would perform the function of a daughter-in-law which included cooking, washing and helping out with Debo’s big sister’s children. Whenever they have parties, Tobi would be the first to land and start arranging. Debo’s parents used to call her Iyawo. At the end of the day, she was not recognized or celebrated as Iyawo as expected. When the chips were down, sympathy calls became her lot. The bottom line was that Debo married Eno who he met in the bank.
Another socialite told me how she would visit her rich, popular boyfriends’ family from school. Recalling what happened one particular weekend, she said: “I was in his parent’s home studying upstairs, not knowing they were preparing for my boyfriends’ wedding introduction. I noticed cooking movements downstairs, but because they are a popular rich Muslim family, people usually visit and eat. That same Sunday, I returned to school, by the next week, one of the soft sell magazines splashed my boyfriend’s introduction with his wife on the cover page of the magazine. I could not face my fellow students who knew about our relationship. It was so shameful. The shame of it all affected my grades for that year. It was not funny at all, but I had to move on.”
11. Knowing that engagement is not marriage, do not move to his city or country. Recently, a 60-year-old American woman died in Warri during a visit to her 39-year-old male companion. According to reports, she suddenly took ill and was rushed to a private hospital. Later, she was referred to another hospital where doctors pronounced her dead-on-arrival. If she was in her country, maybe with prompt health care, she would have survived. She came all the way from American and died in a strange land. Too bad!
12. When you are in that relationship, look before you leap. Be as wise as the serpent, the Bible cautioned explicitly. Do not put yourself in such a tight corner that when it ends, you will feel like committing suicide. Do not forget, it is still a relationship and not marriage.
