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Whenever women gather for their caucus meetings, whether in church, at town union gatherings or even in office settings, the issues discussed usually range from the challenge of raising children in the internet age, skyrocketing cost of living, the menace of side chicks and of course, their husbands.
After a recent event held to mark the 2025 International Women’s Day ended, some women gathered for a private session, to unwind and talk about things of common interest to them.
As the conversation flowed, the women quickly focused their attention on the issue of major difficulties that are straining marital relationships.
One of the women, Adline Kaonye, who said she is a healthy lifestyle coach, bank executive and mother of three girls told unpleasant stories of her marriage.
According to her, right from the point she and the husband met, got engaged, and went through what could pass for courtship and on to the altar for the wedding, Mrs Kaonye explained that she now firmly believes that the church is the worst place to find a husband and go into marriage with a person.
She came short of dismissing as scam operations several of the marital unions being made in churches. From the emotional way she narrated her experience, one could see that she was filled with regret and bitterness over the marital misadventure. “My experience has shown that most men and women come to church looking pious, quiet, pretending to be great aspirants to the heavenly kingdom.
“ The man I married was the head of the ushers in the church. After all the excitement and drama of our wedding died down, Kenneth, my ex-husband, unleashed his poor attitude towards me. He was so jealous of my financial success as Head of Legal Services in the financial establishment where I worked. It became obvious that our pastor talked me into marrying a con-man, who was only interested in sex and my money. When I resisted some of his financial demands, he branded me a non-submissive wife.
“By his status in church I thought he was truly born-again Christian, especially as he was a lecturer. Again, I discovered he was a serial cheat, and confronted him. When I raised the issue between him and one of the singers, he beat me black and blue. If not for the intervention of neighbours, he would have killed me. It was a big shock. More shocking was how the leadership of the church handled the case. They said I should not discourage others. That they would settle the matter. I ignored them and left with my two years old daughter.
This kind of situation, she said, is one of the reasons women die in the hands of religious husbands.
Continuing, she said: “This gave me a perfect belief that many men and women just get dressed up, look nice, wear the worst pretentious smiles, dance very well in church but all the while covering up regrettable dance step in the church while covering up their wrong attitudes.”
Spousal killings by some men of God have of late been hitting the mainstream and social media. There have been cases in Ogun, Anambra, and in Oron, Akwa Ibom State.
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In the most recent case that happened in Akwa Ibom, which was tagged a black Monday, the pastor of a Pentecostal church, Victor Okoh 42, allegedly murdered his wife Victoria Okoh, 38, over suspicions of infidelity. Okoh was arrested in his residence around 5:20 am after his neighbors raised the alarm.
Preliminary investigations indicated that the suspect attacked his wife with a machete in what has been widely condemned as a barbaric act. In a desperate attempt to evade capture, Okoh was found hiding in the ceiling of his house but was swiftly apprehended by the police team.
Not too long ago, police arrested Timileyin Ajayi, a gospel singer with the severed head of his victim, Salome Adaidu, 24, near a church. He was alleged to have been carrying the head in a bag which drew the attention from other people who accosted him before police took over and arrested him. Other dismembered parts of the deceased were alleged to have been recovered later in his home.
In the Ewekoro area of Ogun State, the police arrested a so-called pastor, who confessed to have killed his member and buried her inside his church, after beheading her and chopping off the two hands for reasons known only to him. The list of similar atrocities committed in churches or associated with people who claim to be pastors is endless. Who would be the next victim?
Worrisome things are being heard about the things happening within the precincts of so-called churches. These range from the existence of occult groups to cultism and sexual violations of the members. In the face of these troubling reports, some people still go to such places to “worship.”
Owolabi, a pure feminist said, “When I see others who discuss their pains with me and how they dance in the church, I am left flabbergasted. I am aware that in my worship centre, the husband of my friend, Tolu, does not talk to his father-in-law because he put his wife’s younger sister in a family way, but there he will always be raising his hands up in worship. Therefore pretense, suppression, poor attitude and worry has taken over some marriages made in the church.
A former male colleague, who is now late, regretted marrying his wife because she hid things from him about what she was doing.
Hear him: “I met my wife in church and we wedded after two years. She hides everything from me, including the piece of landed property she bought through Thrift & Cooperative Society, in her office. It was her colleague who mentioned it to me, but we married from the church and she exhibited poor character. I regret marrying from the church. There is a lot of pretense exhibited by for both men and women. Most of them do not bring out their true color, instead they hide under the church and commit crimes.”
In the same vein, that was how an anonymous lady who suspected her husband of occultic behavior cried out. “My pastor-husband wanted to use me for ritual purposes if not for God’s intervention. I could not report him but quickly took my leave to have my peace.”
Truth be told is that these are personal attitudes, that people hide under the church with reason why so many are not finding solace in the house of God. The lady who chose to remain anonymous said: “Honestly, if I need to do a second missionary journey, I will never marry from the church, but from a beer parlor and deal with it from the onset. The attitudes in church have proven that a hood does not make a monk.”
Some couples wake up with deep resentment, quarrel, bitterness and anger, but smile sheepishly to church only to continue from where they stopped as soon as they get back home. Should that be the case?
A lot of orthodox priests have been alleged to be raising children quietly in various climes while pretending to be celibate priestferving as bachelor spiritual fathers.
This is not about a particular gender, both are involved. Some members of a popular big women’s fellowship has been fingered as a den of lesbianism, fashion competition and women who drench in alcoholic drinks as they fellowship.
