Women take care of yourselves

Honestly, the time has come for women to generally pause, remember themselves and take charge of their lives. This is an honest and candid thought. From  watching various episodes of Holy Ghost Court, which is presided by Evangelist Ebuka Obi of Zion Outreach Ministries, which airs on all social media handles, I have started to wonder whether a relationship with a man, either marital or otherwise, has become a sin or a curse. Most of the women that have featured on the programme are always in tears, pain and filled regrets. They come with bags of complaints. From what I have learnt, the women were involved with men who had no regard or respect for them, exhibited no sense of responsibility and did not care to provide for them. Their offence was that they got married to such men.

In one episode, a woman who encouraged her husband to relocate to Lagos after they met in their village in Enugu-Ezike, Enugu State, during the Yuletide, told a heartbreaking story. The vibrant lady had explained to her man the importance of living in the city, which offered better opportunities than the village where he was selling real and fake drugs without licence. Seeing wisdom in her advice, he joined her in Lagos. The woman worked had to build a home but the loafer of a husband broke her heart with his harem of women. The wife noticed his poor conduct and tried to correct him. Instead he got angry, resulting in a quarell. The bubble burst on a certain day when the woman took ill at the office and had to go home. Upon getting home, she let herself in with her own key. What met her was the shocking sight of her husband and the sister of their neighbour having torrid sex as if the would end the next day. She turned in revulsion and cursed the day the never-do-well she married as a husband.

Granted, some people have expressed reservations over the way Evangelist Ebuka Obi permits the explicit revelation of some marital issues that should be kept secret or heard privately. However, it needs to be recognised that the programme, Holy Ghost Court, has created great awareness and healed many ailing marriages without such troubled unions heading for a divorce court. Most men who listen to his teachings are gradually adjusting and treating their wives better while treading with caution. Through that programme, the evangelist has rescued several women under the seeming bondage of marriage to undeserving men.

Society has designed it that women play the natural role of taking care of others – siblings, husbands and other relations. These roles require her to multi-task, even in situations of health challenges, to satisfy others and see to their welfare. When a man loses a job, his business goes down or he becomes seriously sick, the woman steps in to cover for him and  ensure that the homefront continues to run smoothly. While some appreciate this gesture, some see it as their right and part of the obligations of the woman marriage and relationship. There are times when she would be the bread-winner and servant in her home for peace to reign. When her man errs, like the story that trended on social media about a major personality in the banking industry, who was accused of having an affair with certain lady, resulting in the birth of a baby. The bank boss denied paternity of the baby, outright. While the man kept mum, his wife went on social media to make a stout defence of her husband. This laid the ground for the man to speak up and deny the allegation. In a different case, woman advised her husband to bring in his side-chick since their children has mostly grown up and trying to find their feet in the world. The real wife said to him: “You have an empty mansion here, why not bring in your side-chick with her baby instead of relocating them abroad. The man was dumbfounded because he thought his wife was not aware of his marital infidelity.

Generally, get the rough end of the stick, whether it is the issue of troublesome in-laws or any other matter. When men are irresponsibility, it is attributed to women, even when it is very glaring that the man is not living up to expectation.

Unreasonably, the society expects too much from the woman. She would be the first to wake up to put the house in order and prepare breakfast for others. At night, she is the one that will go to bed last after crosschecking everything around the house and ensuring that the children are okay. When a child gets it wrong in the process of growth, the mother gets blamed for it. When students are sent to school as boarders and they decide to form gangs, sneak away from school to engage in immorality, the it is the mother that would be blamed.

From every indication, one would say life is so unfair to the woman, and that would not be an outright wromg assertion. When a child is sick, it is the duty of the mother to keep vigil around the child, make the necessary efforts until the child is back to his or her feet again. I could not hold my anger when Keno and Edna met as young lovers in the Maritime industry. The first sign of their relationship was Edna’s pregnancy. Both families supported them to marry. Within six months, their baby girl Evi arrived without strong features of a new born. Several tests carried on the baby showed her parents genetic constitution and blood group were wrong and their baby was diagnosed of sickle-cell anemia. The man’s family blamed Edna for not taking her husband for a proper medical check-up before they became intimate. Aghast, Edna shot back and asked why the man who knew his health status didn’t open up about his condition. She said: “Those of you who are judging me, judge your brother for concealing information about his health condition.”

Now, it might surprise many that some men treat their wives like rags. Some spouses live like two individuals who just share a flat. Many women face domestic violence, yet they refuse to move out for the sake of their children. For them, sexual pleasure has been turned to bitterness, acrimony, jealousy and hatred. Pastor Funke Felix-Adejumo once asked women how many times their husbands wake them up in the middle of the night to appreciate them with a gift for all they go through to make sure the family stands. She said some appreciate only on Mothering Sundays, until the next year.

Today, women I charge you to know that marriage and relationships do not take one to heaven. Therefore appreciate, love, and treat yourself to the best you desire. Take a step backwards, ignore your husband and children for a moment and create happy moments for yourself. If you need to travel to watch the ongoing FIFA Women’s tournament, even though Nigeria is out, please go ahead. If you are a perfume freak like me, please get some good bottles. Do want dresses, go for them. Are you a foodie, make your choice of a restaurant and proceed immediately to have a good time, but do not be irresponsible while creating your happy moment. Do you need to acquire more degrees, set certain business standard for yourself or get ordained as a bishop, please move immediately. Admire yourself in front of a mirror, change your looks and come out with that ‘Wow’ look. There is nothing wrong with some glasses of red after a sumptuous dinner, it is no sin. Can you afford domestic workers who take stress off you, please get them and enjoy your life, it has no duplicate. I do not blame a colleague who entertains herself with her choice of edibles as soon as salary is paid. Shine your eyes and be a happy woman. Do not let challenges, husbands, children, in-laws take away your joy because you only live once. Life is for the living and not the dead.