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By Christy Anyanwu
The convener of the Singles Ladies Conference and Arise TV personality, Mary Chinda in her first Lagos Conference outing on Valentine’s Day was like a balm to the participants as they had lots of nuggets on how to live life as single ladies.
At the venue, she spoke about her vision, all she went through and word of advice who are seeking partners.
You had a Singles Conference on Valentine’s Day. What was the essence of the gathering?
The gathering is about my book, The Single Lady Starting Over, and it’s to help that woman who’s handling a breakup, who’s handling a heartbreak, it’s to help that woman who’s tired of waiting, who has gone through, you know, a divorce, a breakup, who’s losing herself, you know, in a toxic relationship. So just say, hey, your worth is not the relationship. Your worth is Jesus. You matter to God and you’re worth the life of a God. If God could give his son, it means that you matter, you know, and you need to heal before you deal. You need to be a wholesome person before, you know, you become a wife. God is more interested in you becoming a wife than you’re interested in becoming a wife. Your being a wife is God’s idea, so desperation should not set in, you know, but you need to be with God, you need to build character, you need to build the mindset, the kingdom mindset, so that when you meet a kingdom man, you know, by yourself.
What was your focus while working on your book?
I’m an inner healing coach. I help you heal your inner child and past pain, you know, but being an inner healing coach, writing this 114 page book has been very fulfilling for me and that’s because the book helps you find yourself. The book helps you deal with your own resolve, childhood trauma that shows up in marriages or relationships much later in your adult life. The book encourages you to find yourself and your identity in God before finding identity in a job, in social class, or in marriage. It tells you that your net worth, you know, is not just about your network, you know, it’s about who you are in God. And then it also focuses on the woman, on how women deal with, on how women go through desperation and how they can actually overcome desperation, by finding yourself at peace when you’re fulfilling your purpose and God will bring the man.
Tell us more about the Single Ladies Conference which you started since 2017?
This is the first time of this programme in Lagos. We started a single ladies conference just to redirect the single woman towards finding purpose, developing herself in entrepreneurship and preparing for marriage. The theme of the single ladies conference over the last few years has always been the single lady, self-discovery, entrepreneurship and marriage.
We go to different cities, you know, as the Lord leads us. So we go to every city once a year. We have done Abuja, November 29th, 2025. We’re doing Abuja again in November 2026.And then we’re going to Enugu in April. We’re going to Akwa Ibom. We’re going to Bayelsa, you know, so we’re just doing city tours. Now, because aside being a journalist, I’m actually a healing coach, you know, so I have like in my calendar in the year, sometimes, I do campus inner healing tours, just to help students who are dealing with rejection, who are dealing with heartbreaks, who are dealing with childhood trauma, to help students who have been raped, who are not able to process their trauma start their healing journeys and find Jesus.
Where are you from?
Port Harcourt, River City. But I’m Igbo.
Tell us a bit more about yourself
I am the last child of five kids. I am a daddy’s girl. I’m extremely loved, you know, I’m pampered by my mum. My dad also loves me. I mean, I’m like his jewel. I have brothers that I love so much, especially my brother Rex. I have three brothers and then a sister. I am a trained journalist. Right now, I’m almost done with PhD. I’m a political journalist at Arise TV with a specialty in the PDP. You know, I’ve covered the PDP for like four years. I think I’ve had the most amazing broadcast experiences at Arise TV. And then I am also a healing coach.
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You talked about your suicidal mission after marriage proposal breakup at the conference. Would you want to talk about it? How you feel now?
I’m glad that that decision was avoided, because look at me now. I think God was very intentional that he placed it in the heart of that very person who knocked my door, broke it open and found me in the pool of blood, in the pool of my own blood, foaming in the mouth. Had he not arrived and maybe the time when he arrived, I probably would be referred to as late now. But God is intentional.
It wasn’t my time. It wasn’t God’s will and, you know, I guess the intervention happened. And how do I feel several years after, almost a decade after, I am grateful for the gift of life.
I see life as a gift and I want to stay alive. I don’t want to die.
Now I want to go back to heaven when I’m 80, 90, 100, not even my 70s. I’m fighting every day to be alive, to live because I have the willpower to live right now.
I’ve seen the hand of God show up in my life. I’ve seen him use me to fulfil purpose. I received the love of Jesus, you know, and that’s why I always talk about logic.
The love of God in Christ, the understanding, the grace of God, the unmerited favour of God has changed my life. Seeing that I’m justified by faith, I’m the redeemed of the father. I’m irrevocably loved by God.
God loves me passionately. God loves me more than the devil hates me. Just seeing the walk of redemption and walk in my life has made me fall in love with myself over and over.
And the love of God that I’ve received has centred me, has grounded me. Validation is not from the name Mary Chinda of Arise TV. Validation is not from being Mrs. Mary Chinda somebody.
Validation is not from being a minister or being a coach. Validation is not from external. It is from the only one person who can validate you and that’s God.
It’s from God, it’s from the relationship, it’s from the vertical relationship of the father that gives us the grace to have horizontal relationships with other people. So yes, several years down the line, I love life and I want to stay alive. I want to stay alive, not just because I want to eat, drink, get married, have kids, see my grandchildren, no, but because I want to be used of God to encourage that person, that one person who is attempting to take their lives, to end it all, to say God loves you.
Growing up, would you say it’s your dad or mum that has great influence on your lifestyle?
Growing up, I think that my dad and my mum together, they inseparably have such an impact in my life, but my dad the most, because see, I’m a preacher now, and that’s my father leading the foundation. My dad is a bishop. My sister takes after my mum in almost 80 per cent, and I take after my dad a lot. My dad had such an influence on me growing up, just seeing him thrive, just seeing him doing the things he does, especially in the ministry.
Now that I’m doing outreaches and I’m having God use me to encourage other women, when I want to give up, I have an example of someone who’s thriving in the ministry, who’s thriving in outreaches, who’s encouraging other people. And you know how the life of ministers are, sometimes you have to trust God for what you’re praying to God to give to your members, right? So sometimes God is blessing your members, and you want that same blessing, but you have to rejoice with them. I see that in my father’s life a lot.
It’s the same thing for me right now. I’m single, and I know a number of young women that I always have to encourage, especially at the monthly Abuja single ladies date night, and I have to be there for them. Whilst I’m waiting for God to help me with choosing the man, bring the man my way, you know. I’m encouraging other women.
