There’s nothing wrong with dating a man with children. You just have to know what to expect if you decide to go into a relationship with a man who has children. If you cannot accept and love a man’s children like yours, please leave that man alone.
It is not easy to navigate the world of a man with children so you have to know what you are getting into. You shouldn’t complicate your life by agreeing to date this man and then start demanding for unending attention later on. You have to be mentally and emotionally stable to venture into this terrain.
Dating a man with children isn’t the same as dating a single guy. Men who have children have different obligations and aren’t looking for women to walk in and out of their lives anytime they like except they are just having flings. These men need stability and mother figure for their children in most cases.
If you are still in the phase of throwing tantrums over trivial things, then you are not ready to be a part of that world. So, before you agree to spend time with a man with children, seriously think about what you want, because this isn’t only about you anymore. You must think about his children and how they fit into his life, time and schedule.
The first thing you must know about going into a relationship with such a man is that his children come first. If you are a possessive women or one who is extremely jealous, this isn’t going to work out for you. The children always come first, keep your selfishness at bay. Don’t get angry. You don’t expect a father to choose you over his children except he’s a deadbeat or irresponsible father.
Another thing women must know about accepting to date men with children is that their exes will always be in their lives except the man is a widower. You will see photos of these men and their exes. Your man will be making phone calls to the mother of his children and that’s normal. They will be in communication with each other regarding their children. Again, if you have a jealous streak in you, lose it or leave that man alone.
If the mother of your boyfriend’s children is still alive, she will want to meet you and know you better for the sake of her children. You don’t have to be petty or dramatic about this. This is where maturity comes to play. You will need to be cordial and come to accept that she will also be in her children’s lives. You have to show your partner that you are responsible, sensible and invested in taking on the parenting role. Because let’s face it, you will basically be his children’s step mom if the relationship progresses.
You don’t have to overstep your role, but you will have to show his children’s mother that you are not going to negatively affect their children’s lives. You will have to accept this as being a part of a team. So, get over your jealous emotions and get involved in your share of the team work. Love his children and treat them right.
You don’t have to meet his children right away. Take your time so you won’t disrupt his children’s lives. If he introduces you to his children, that means he’s serious about you. Also, this introduction is showing his children that there’s a new woman in their lives. This isn’t bad but it’s not fair for them to be introduced to you, and then you realize you are not interested. You have to be sure you want to be a part of their lives.
Find out what these children think about your relationship with their father. You are not their mother, so, they may view you as an intruder to their family. Take things slow at first. It’s an adjustment for not only you, but them as well. They may be temperamental and opinionated around you because they are hurt and feel you came to replace their mother.
Before you say something you might regret, remember why they are acting like that and take it easy. Don’t force anything. Children are highly emotionally and know when you are being insincere. You can spend some time individually with them and let them ask you whatever they like. You can also sit down with them and let them know that you are not trying to replace their mother. Essentially, you need to build trust between you and them.
Dating a man with children means your plans with your man will change a lot. You have to understand that the children come first and not become a nag. With children, plans will always change and emergencies occur. You need to compromise and accept what happens with your man’s children, just go with the flow. If not, you will go insane. Again, remember that he has to be a father indeed to his children. If you are not comfortable with the arrangement, walk away on time. You don’t have to be resentful.
You need to understand your boundaries while dating a man with children. Since these kids aren’t yours, you have to understand you have limits and boundaries that you can’t cross. If you’re angry at his children, let him know. You don’t have to be inappropriate with them but you shouldn’t let his children walk all over you either.
You have to learn how to handle difficult situations without treating the children like your own. This isn’t going to be easy, but during these situations communicate with the guy you are with and he will support you. Be loving but firm. Enforce discipline but with calmness and fairness.
Patience is a virtue and you will need a lot of patience if you decide to date and marry a man with children. Dealing with children is not an easy task, especially when they are not yours. If you feel overwhelmed at any time, talk to your man and express your feelings clearly, don’t assume he should know what you are feeling. He has to understand what you are going through and offer you support. Take some time for yourself to let off steam. You can go somewhere relaxing for a while to calm down.
Take your cues from the children. If you are perceptive, you will see very quickly how involved they want you to be. Pick up on those cues and respect them. Trying to force yourself on the kids will backfire in a huge way. Take baby steps, let them come to you, and focus on building a relationship. Don’t take it personally if they don’t flock to you right away. There are a lot of factors contributing to how they react.
It is easy to look at your partner’s children and talk about how you will do things, and how you will to react to situations that come up. The truth is, when you are looking in from the outside, you don’t have the emotions that come with this role. Sometimes those emotions creep in and make things more challenging to deal with. Learn to control your emotions while dealing with your partner’s children so that things don’t get complicated and quickly.
Ladies, before you agree to date and marry a man with children, ask yourself if you emotionally and mentally ready to be part of this world. If you can’t answer this question truthfully, this terrain is not for you. Go and find your prince charming somewhere else. All the best!