Twists and turns of waiting

Far too many people think waiting is a scam, technically speaking. That’s partly because only a tiny minority wait successfully. An alarming majority wait to no avail. On the other hand, sometimes, many don’t even have to wait.

Much like they received before they asked. They walked into a door that opened before they knocked. They found before they sought. Waiting is the king of bias.

All men are not equal when it comes to waiting. All women too; let alone all children. With waiting, there’s no such thing as without fear or favour. Anytime, any day, anywhere, waiting can mess up anybody that it doesn’t fear or favour -much like Lady Justice.

The story of four university friends epitomises the chameleonic colour of waiting. Girl A was rough, unprintably rough, from year one to year final. However, waiting did not hold her hostage. Upon graduation, she readily found a dream job and in no time also a textbook husband and even childbearing -in spite of and despite her varsity heyday atrocities- came easy and as frequently as she wanted.

Friend B was the exact opposite. She waited every day to attend lectures and every night to study. She waited for what she called the right time, thinking morality would reward her with a good job, marriage and sundry fruits. A decade after graduation, she is still waiting.

What about Friends C and D? C was exactly like A but unlike her: waiting punished her, mercilessly. D was like B but unlike her: waiting rewarded her, silly.

Waiting can cause confusion, for Africa -as we say in Nigeria. Waiting is more often than not unlike mathematics -no formula. Waiting receives lemon and instead of lemonade returns fanta -like some Father Christmas. However, when you sow yam, waiting can turn up at harvest like some wicked idiot -to offer you pitiable cocoyam.

Waiting is a dangerous medium that allows too much name-calling. With waiting, one is never sure whether the light at the end of the tunnel is green or red or amber. You wait and at the end come off like some weakling, like some lazy fool who was not as smart as others. Those who don’t wait, take their fate in own hands and 60/70% of the time go on to enjoy the loot of the risk they took.

Also, many have come off with nasty bruises after simply trying to outsmart waiting because they thought they had experience. You know, like saying because they had waited for too long no-show, and having seen others rebel successfully, they chose to go head-to-head with waiting. Woe betide(d) them when that effort fired blank. Everyone called them impatient. Or ambitious. Or insane. Or frustrated. Or bloody fool -or all of the above.

Indeed, waiting is risky stuff. Only 10% of waiting pays off, the way this writer sees it; 90% or more of waiting is in vain. Alas, 100% of those who criticise waiters who got tired, gave up and broke away to seek self-medication -as it were- never blame waiting for its unpredictability.

It is always the dropout waiter who bears all the brunt. It is always that they did not wait long enough. Or that they did not work hard enough. Or that they were too sanctimonious to do the dirty jobs others did.

Which brings us to another annoying characteristics of waiting. It’s its prayerproof, for me. Waiting does not care how long or how much you work and pray, or work and fast, or both. Waiting has a mind of its own. Waiting waits you out (read wears you out).

Waiting is inaction in which is embedded too much action. That’s to say, waiting is nothing which bears something. Waiting is a blessing that can curse. Or a curse that can bless, right?

That’s right because waiting is more like gambling or worse. Many, many, many times, you garbage so much into waiting but it garbages out nothing to you. Only a few times would anyone go with little to waiting and leave loaded. What’s more, waiting can be used as a trap or justification to sack, to demote, to test, to hire, to choose.

Fortunately, as the foregoing hints, not all that crabs is waiting. It also holds the high ground. Waiting is a medicinal talisman. It can cure fear, it can cure doubt, it can cure poverty, it can cure insult, and, yes, it can cure lies -for example that Arsenal Football Club of London won’t ever be champions of England again!

True, waiting can fix the inconsolable and the inconvenience. Waiting can mend broken hearts. Waiting can heal betrayal. Waiting can turn water to wine, hate to love, accusation to exoneration.

Furthermore, waiting has incredible pedagogic potentialities. Waiting teaches maturity and growth. Waiting teaches humility and patience. Waiting teaches experience and wisdom.

The person who has waited successfully before or watched another wait it out learns not only to talk less but also to never give up easily. Delay doesn’t move them because they are double sure it is just a matter of time. At one fell swoop, waiting makes you a teacher, a prophet, a judge, a counsellor, a priest; the one to whom even seniors and elders soon run for guidance.

It might sound too surreal but, trust me, waiting is not as lame or sadistic as it appears. Waiting is a tool of power and comfort that can be deployed by those who are sure of themselves. Therefore, I say to you, no matter how cynical and trustworthless you think waiting is, choose it at every juncture. The fruits of waiting are sweet when they eventually come.

If you encounter delay, trust the organic process and wait. You shall laugh last; imagine how Arsenal fans who waited currently see those who defected. Waiting enables you to eat the fattest bone complete with all the accompaniments of patience. Waiting sets up a table of honour for you to eat bearded meat.

God bless Nigeria!

Minus position, what else do you have?

I promise to keep this short. As Nigeria prepares for the next general ballot, now is the opportune time for soul-searching. When they take this office away from you, in the next seven months; pray, what would remain of you?

No pun intended. This is serious business. If you lose the money you think you have or the power you hold, how many of the people milling around you do you think shall stay on?

Even you won’t stay with you in the circumstance, except you have a non-money or non-position Unique Selling Point. Do you? Now is not too late to ‘work out your salvation!’

Interesting conversation between time and money

I am money, the one and only sexy call that everything and everyone answers. No one is more powerful than me.

How can you be so braggadocious in my presence, young lady? Ask around, I am your king, your senior in every sense, I am your maker.

I don’t mean to be rude, king time, but are you a global player like me? World markets and systems measure their status by how much of me they have.

Oh, that: so you are so small you can be possessed; I am more in that apart from not being a commodity like you, I determine your duration; I am the timer of the world. Unlike you who go by different names per country, I am the same everywhere you go.

Being the same everywhere can be anonymous and boring. I wonder how and why you would so illiterately count that as a bragging right.

Imagine your audacity, the miss-road ugly prettie: alluding to illiteracy when even stark illiterate people and thieves have you in quantum. Shhhaaarrraaap, and sit down, I control you; I control the world.

Gladly, I sit down because I am what rest is all about; I do no work. Everywhere, people are busy working for me and like you running up and down all over the place.

Lazy you: that’s why you have forced man into all sorts of abominations and criminalities. Shame on you: I am your nemesis at every point.

(… cont’d next Monday)