Senator Natasha finally tenders ‘apology’ to Akpabio

The suspended Senator representing Kogi Central, Natasha Akpoti-Uduaghan, has issued a sarcastic letter of apology to Senate President Godswill Akpabio.

Akpoti-Uduaghan, who referenced systemic sexism in Nigerian politics, ‘apologised’ for “the grievous crime of possessing dignity and self-respect in your most exalted presence”.

While mockingly acknowledging her refusal to “indulge your… ‘requests’ was not merely a personal choice but a constitutional violation of the unwritten laws”, she added that she erroneously thought that her seat in the Senate was earned through elections, not erections.

The letter reads, “Dear Distinguished Senate President Godswill Akpabio,

“It is with the deepest sarcasm and utmost theatrical regret that I tender this apology for the grievous crime of possessing dignity and self-respect in your most exalted presence.

“I have reflected extensively on my unforgivable failure to recognize that legislative success in certain quarters is apparently not earned through merit, but through the ancient art of compliance — of the very personal kind.

“How remiss of me not to understand that my refusal to indulge your… ‘requests’ was not merely a personal choice but a constitutional violation of the unwritten laws of certain men’s entitlement. Truly, I must apologize for prioritizing competence over capitulation, vision over vanity, and the people’s mandate over private dinners behind closed doors.

“I now realize the catastrophic consequences of my actions: legislation delayed, tempers flared, and the tragic bruising of egos so large they require their own postcodes.

“For this disruption to the natural order of ‘quid pro quo,’ I bow my head in fictional shame.

“Please find it in your magnanimous heart — somewhere buried deep beneath layers of entitlement — to forgive this stubborn woman who mistakenly believed that her seat in the Senate was earned through elections, not erections.

“I remain,

Yours in eternal resistance,

Senator Natasha H. Akpoti-Uduaghan

Unafraid, Unbought, and Unbroken.”