Oh! The pains of popularity

So we don’t lose each other along the way, let’s preliminarily agree on some things. One, that other words for pains in our context are: burden, disbenefits, flipside, pitfalls and torture. Two, that for popularity, you need a larger container. Beginning with the obvious: celebrity, fame, glory, renown and stardom.
The not-so-obvious are: education, excellence, first class, power and wealth. Others are: greatness, influence, limelight, love and recognition. To be sure, popularity is not an exclusive preserve of celebrities. Just as you and I are kings (with no kingdom or office or money) everyone is popular at some level: family circles, or where they worship, or among colleagues or friends or supporters, etc.
Everyone has own popularity jurisdiction. Which is why it is impossible for the world famous to not lose out to local champions in a popularity contest taking place at the village square. I recently tested the popularity of Bob Marley, Michael Jackson, Joe Biden, Davido and Tiwa with my illiterate mother and her answer confirmed the fluidity of popularity. When I asked if she knew the five among others, she answered by retorting, as most people in the village would, ‘’whose children are they”?
Please leave my mother alone. Because, she is not alone. In fact, I can bet there are some Nigerians who really don’t know that Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu is our president. Popularity is exactly like clouds -it has layers or levels or heights.
Granted, acceptability or recognition attracts cool privileges. It brings fulfillment and joy, it compels love and patronage, it opens doors and new vistas. It makes one the go-to person, the one-everyone-trusts-easily, the one-nobody-cannot-forgive. It’s true, face or name recognition confers a degree of cult figure status.
However, embedded in these mouthwatering paraphernalia of popularity are monumental baggage. Stars endure uncanny envy, navigate horrendous hate and suffer untold loneliness. Stars enjoy very little or no freedom, get allowed absolutely no privacy and face far too much judgementalism. Stars are too easily cheated (on), taken advantage of and primed to fall to the taints and taunts as well as torments and torrents of rejection.
It is almost as if they are not human, the way they are othered by society. We judge them differently. We hold them to standards we cannot ourselves abide. We godify them beyond be-careful.
With this satanic godification come more over-attention, more over-pressure and quite naturally more over-fear of the possibility of failing to meet mounting expectations. Stars die too many times and in abject silence. Stars overhide or oversuppress their fears, their feelings, their weaknesses. Stars live a lie and believe that doing otherwise would de-star them in the eyes and hearts of their constituency.
Popularity is the opium of the ungodly and of those wallowing in identity crisis. So-called Stars who don’t know their God allow themselves to be tantalised by the illusory fantasies of stardom. Nothing self-destructs more, than a lie that is intentionally believed. You cannot not be terminally hurt by a lie you on your own accept as truth.
Alas, in order to stay high up there, on that false pedestal, in that false world, Stars internalise more than they should. They over-act the role of strong characters as all pretenders to the throne do. Eventually, when they get overwhelmed by the forced self-denial or unbearable self-deceit, they withdraw from people and sooner than later fall into depression. In that state, the Star, the shining light, suddenly dims -most times forever!
Such arrant sad commentary. It was not so at the beginning. It ought not to be so now nor ever. It is only so because man has totally forgotten whence he came.
See, popularity is not necessarily a function of connection, or hardwork, or learning, or power or wealth. You may have fabulous contacts or hold incredible financial or political power or possess the best degrees but draw blank when it comes to popularity. Haven’t you seen people who should love a person hating instead? Popularity -which means an individual being loved by an alarming majority even plus including many of those who used to hate such a one- is a function of grace, full stop!
Popularity is a gift. Popularity is favour’s reward by nature. Whatever that means. A smart celebrity jumps and passes what they don’t understand.
Be a smart celebrity, you. Jump and pass anything you don’t grasp in full. Popular people don’t pry. Don’t stare at or dwell on stuff you should look away from.
That was all in the lighter mood. But, seriously, Stars ought not to flaunt or be carried away by stardom. That is not only arrogance, it is also both a comedown and unbecoming. Stars should have nothing to prove; they should be hyper smart like that.
Stars have quite some to learn from stars in the firmament. During the day, when the sun is in full glory, stars don’t show up for the parade. They know and therefore wait for their time. They wait to appear at night when the moon has replaced the sun and needs all the firepower help it can get to light up the globe.
This knowledge (complete with its accompaniments, namely humility and gratitude) would ensure Stars never stray too far and for too long. Stars need no validation. If anything, Stars have the licence of validation for keeps and can grant people ad hoc franchise to those who seek it. Welcome to popularity management 101.
Dear Stars, be calming down. Don’t allow fan encomia swell your head. Don’t allow enemy jealousy -which more often than not shows up via vitriolic profiling- distract you. I repeat, never be swayed by praise or criticism or both.
Understand that too much encomia are poured by those who don’t mean them. And, too many attacks are launched by sufferers of inferiority complex who themselves are in dire need of either feeding their insecurities or measuring up, or both. These two are the main reasons to never attach too much importance to applause or bile. Except, and this is critical, you are a Star who ought not to be: an empty vessel, an imposter; stardom-miss-road!
For a real Star though, there are ways you could insulate yourself from the pains of popularity. First of all, never forget you are a human being after all; not a god; not a spirit. Stay humble no matter your achievements or their praise or your fan base. Second of all, create personal boundaries and limits; red lines that neither you nor anybody else can cross; things that can never move you; things you can never tolerate.
Third of all, develop shock absorbers; learn to not internalise everything. Let people who want (and things you can’t control) go even if you feel finished without them. Fourth of all, reduce your expectations and exposure; acquire emotional intelligence anyhow; build appropriate self-esteem and self-worth.
Fifth of all: whatever you do or say, keep it real 25 hours a day. Never overdo, never oversay. Realise that you are being monitored by human spirits. React to very little of what you can; never to any of what you can’t and above all, stay away from controversy even the one concerning you; even the one you would on a very good day very much love.
Remember, only you can hurt you. Another can only hurt you when you accept or allow it. Stars ought to be super-deliberate and with everybody and everything. Lock out talebearers and purveyors of disrespect and humiliation and shame.
Semi-finally, and I mean no disrespect: you know, if Mr Ibu (one of my favourite Nolywoodians) had not been a Star, he would still be alive. Learn from his experience. In stardom, keep at least one eyes open even while asleep. Never allow them to use your stardom as an excuse to kill your joy or you.
Finally, consciously and consistently work to turn the pains of popularity into gains. Keep your head above water: that is, do you, be you. Even when you fall short, remind all accusers that like them you are only a human being. Apologise where necessary and move forward: never stop, never doubt, never pity yourself!
God bless Nigeria!
Super Eagles: Dear President Tinubu
The times are really hard. Life is tough nationwide. But, you know what, that so-called little act (of you receiving, honouring and rewarding our national team at the presidential villa right on the heels of not winning AFCON gold) was a masterstroke; a big mindset resetter.
Nigerians should begin to learn that sometimes we win when we lose. Also, unexpected reward for effort can motivate enough to generate better results next time. It might seem frivolous, but one believes that your action shames the primitive mentality of winner-takes-all known to have messed up politics Nigeriana.
As for the useless scapegoating of Alex Iwobi by a cacophonous few as well as indeed our continuous villification of your government and efforts, focus is key. Keep your eyes on the ball to in no time give Nigerians something to cheer about, economically, socially, politically, etc. No savvy, but I believe you shall shock us with results.
Trust me: despite all the noises we make, we cannot cease praying and rooting for your administration. We know that your success is our success. We know that there’s no better or faster way out for our society, at this moment!
Still on AFCON 2024: What did you learn?
Ivory Coast recently rose from the dust, on own soil, to conquer the continent in football. Coming from losing 4 nil to hitherto underdogs, Equatorial Guinea, in the group stage to qualify for subsequent rounds and snaking through to the finale during which it beat Nigeria was tantamount to coming from the dead.
So much to learn from that tourney. For Nigerians, especially, two lessons should suffice.
Your capacity and energy and everything might fail you the day you really need them. And, on such a day, even your best supporter might abandon you or even become your worst critic.
How can any true Nigerian who is not of the devil wish Ola Aina or any Super Eagle for that matter dead, just because of one match loss? Other teams who lost to us en route the finals let alone the final(e), are they lesser human beings or what threat or cyber bullying did you read about them?
I am just angry in my spirit, fellow Nigerians. The world now knows that most Nigerians who are in your corner because you keep winning are not there for you.
We must always remember that report. Very few Nigerians enjoying with you would cross over the day you lose.
We have seen that in commerce, in homes, in love, in politics, in sport; we have seen that everywhere, every time. This is yet another lousy mindset we must eschew today!