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Nnamdi Chikwe, a public administration professional and Chief Executive Officer of Progress Digital Prints, Abuja, hails from Nkpa, Bende Local Government Area of Abia State. His wife, Joy Obiageli Chikwe, is from Ukpo in Dunukofia Local Government Area of Anambra State. She holds a master’s degree in Education Administration and Planning, and works as a Planning Officer at the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs, Abuja.
The couple has been married for 32 years, five years after they first met in Gwagwalada, near Abuja.
In this interview, they talk about their incredible marital journey.
How did you meet?
Sir Nnamdi: We actually met in Gwagwalada. She was living with her sisters at the time. Among all the ladies around then, I was not even close to her; I was closer to her sisters.
However, when I began to realise that she was the one I wanted to marry, I decided to approach her. Initially, I resisted the idea, but the conviction became so strong that I eventually approached her. When I did, she rejected me. That was how the whole thing started.
In those days, we did not really have mobile phones, so I kept writing letters to her, trying to convince her to accept my proposal. It took me five years before she finally agreed, and that was how our journey began.
I was about 25 when I got married.
Lady Joy: As he said, we met in Gwagwalada. He came to Gwagwalada in 1986. I was living with one of my uncles, while my sister also lived in Gwagwalada. He used to attend fellowship with my sister, so I knew him through her.
I remember one day when he was going to church and needed to take some things there. He came to our house and told my sister that he needed help carrying them to church. My sister asked me to accompany him.
I carried the items with him, we took them to church, and I left. At that time, I was not thinking about anything romantic. I was simply going to church.
What finally broke the ice, considering that he pursued you for five years?
Lady Joy: When he first told me he wanted to marry me, I told him he should go and look for his wife elsewhere because I was not his wife.
He refused to give up. He kept writing letters and explaining that he believed it was God’s will for us to marry. I would tell him to go and tell God because I was not his wife. Honestly, I did not take him seriously, which was why it took so long.
Eventually, I decided to calm down and pray about it. As I prayed, I began to feel differently about the matter.
By the time I finally agreed to marry him, four other brothers from my fellowship had also asked for my hand in marriage. We were serious, born-again Christians, and in those days, everybody seemed to want to marry a church girl.
What kept you going for five years?
Sir Nnamdi: I had finished secondary school and was doing business. I was trading in stationery
One of the things she told me was that she did not want to be disappointed. In those days, people in fellowship would promise to marry someone, but later break up with them. She was afraid that the same thing might happen to her. She did not want someone to promise marriage and eventually disappoint her. That was one of the reasons she initially resisted my proposal.
Madam, what were you doing at the time?
Lady Joy: I was a student. After secondary school, I attended teachers’ college, which took three years. It was after I completed teachers’ college that we finally got together.
Was there opposition from family, friends or church to the relationship?
Sir Nnamdi: Yes, there was opposition. When I told my parents that I had found a woman I wanted to marry, they asked where she came from. When I told them she was from Anambra State, they objected strongly. I am from Abia State, while my wife is from Anambra State.
It became a serious issue in the family, and they rejected the idea of the marriage.
There was also opposition from the church. I attended a Pentecostal church, while she attended an Orthodox church. When I told my pastor that I had found a woman I wanted to marry, he objected because she attended what he considered a weaker church.
He also argued that the Bible instructed people to marry from their own people. However, from my understanding of the Bible, I believed that one’s own people were those who shared the Christian faith.
I respectfully listened to my pastor and continued praying about the matter. One day, he came to my shop and invited me to his house. He received me warmly and asked about the marriage issue.
I told him I was still pursuing it. He then said he had prayed about it and received an answer that I should continue. That settled the matter from the church’s side.
In my family, I also continued praying and spoke to one of my uncles. Eventually, my uncle met my father, and my father agreed that I could go ahead with the marriage.
Lady Joy: Yes, there was opposition from my family as well. When he approached my mother, she objected and said she needed to pray about it. After praying, she concluded that the marriage would not work.
My family then arranged a meeting to talk some sense into me, but I did not know it had been planned. My father called me, and when I arrived, he began explaining that they wanted me to marry someone from a place close to my father’s home.
They also called my brothers. My immediate elder brother came, and they all made fun of me for wanting to marry someone from Abia State when I was from Anambra State. They joked about the differences between people from the two states.
Eventually, my mother suggested that we travel to my husband’s village for an introduction. She said that perhaps visiting his village would help me reconsider, although she had yet to agree to the marriage.
We travelled together: my mother, my husband, an elder from his church and me. We visited his village and returned to Abuja, but my mother still did not approve.
We continued praying. One Sunday, my husband came to visit, and my mother began asking him serious questions. I sat quietly, praying that God would give him the right answers because I knew my mother was looking for something she could use to reject him.
After he answered her questions, everything changed. She spoke to my father and asked that my husband be invited to begin the marriage process. That was how things eventually worked out.
What attracted your spouse to you?
Sir Nnamdi: It was her calmness and goodness. As I said earlier, she was not even from my denomination at the time. She was living with her sisters, and I observed her behaviour.
She was different from the other girls I knew. Her calm disposition and the way she carried herself convinced me that she was the person I wanted to marry.
Lady Joy: Initially, I did not take his proposal seriously. But when I decided to pray about it, my eyes began to open, and I started seeing the kind of person he was.
He had a group of brothers he fellowshipped with in church, and I admired young men who were committed to serving God. I liked the way he carried himself and the way he did things.
He also had a particular style of walking that I found attractive. He was tall and handsome, and my siblings and I would sometimes talk about him.
Above all, his relationship with God was the most important thing to me. I wanted a man who feared God.
Even as a young girl in primary school, I prayed that I would not marry a man in whose hands I would suffer. I also prayed for someone who would help me in areas where I needed support.
Those were simple prayers I said as a child, but later, I began to see those qualities manifesting in him.
How did you propose? These days, people organise elaborate proposals, book venues and create all kinds of drama…
Sir Nnamdi: As I said earlier, when I first approached her, she told me she did not want someone who would eventually disappoint her.
I kept persisting and writing letters. She still has some of the letters I wrote to her.
In those days, we did not have mobile phones to communicate the way people do now, so I relied on letters. I kept writing until she finally agreed.
Do you remember how many letters you wrote?
Lady Joy: He cannot count them!
Sir Nnamdi: It was not just letters. I used to visit bookshops to buy love cards, write messages on them and send them to her
.
Who delivered the letters?
Lady Joy: Sometimes through the post office.
Sir Nnamdi: I also gave them to people travelling in her direction and asked them to help me deliver them.
But you were both in Abuja? Where were you living?
Sir Nnamdi: We were initially in Gwagwalada, but later she moved to Suleja, where her parents lived. She was also attending teachers’ college and living at the school.
Whenever I met someone going towards that area, I would ask the person to help deliver a letter to her. I kept making one effort after another, praying that God would help my dream come true.
What was your response when you finally agreed?
Lady Joy: Initially, when he said he wanted to marry me, I told him I was not his wife and walked away from the idea. But when I eventually agreed, I simply told him that I would marry him.
As he said, the communication was through letters. Sometimes, he could write more than seven times in a week. Whenever he saw a love card, he would buy it, write “I love you” and include a Bible passage.
One passage he often quoted was Joel 2:28—although the verse he repeatedly referred to was about a vision appointed for its time. He would remind me that the vision would surely come to pass at the appointed time.
During that process, I also realised that he wanted us to have the same focus. He constantly encouraged me to understand what he was working towards so that we could move in the same direction.
That helped me understand that marriage is not about one person alone. It is about two people working together. As the Bible says, two cannot walk together unless they agree.
When both people share the same focus, they can work together towards achieving their goals.
How long did it take you to get married after you both agreed?
Sir Nnamdi: It was a journey because of the opposition we faced from both families and the church. Another challenge was that my wife was not the first daughter. Traditionally, her family expected the older daughters to marry before the younger ones. She was about the fifth daughter, and some of her older sisters were not yet married. They questioned why she wanted to marry before them. That also delayed the process.
We completed one traditional marriage process in 1993 and continued in 1994, with another ceremony in May 1994.
After that, we sat down to plan the church wedding. We did not have much money, so I had to plan carefully. Since my wife’s birthday fell on a Saturday in October 1994, we decided to hold our wedding on that date.
Lady Joy: After the last traditional marriage ceremony, I returned to my father’s house to stay until the church wedding. I was working at the time, and we planned the wedding gradually while putting things together. Before we knew it, the date arrived, and we had our church wedding.
What do you remember most about your wedding day?
Sir Nnamdi: What I remember most is the song we sang as I marched in. It was about the promises in God’s Word and the need to stand firm against the devil to receive those promises.
The chorus encouraged us to stand our ground in the Lord and not allow ourselves to be robbed of God’s blessings. It also spoke about overcoming through God’s power.
That song has continued to encourage me whenever I face challenges. It reminds me that God’s promises are real and that He has given us the power to overcome.
At the time, I did not have much. I was living in a face-me-I-face-you apartment, but I believed I was heading somewhere in life. I believed that my circumstances would not remain the same forever.
Lady Joy: It was the best day of my life. I was a young woman getting married, and I remember that my elder brother came from Lagos that morning.
He made a statement that still makes us laugh whenever we remember it. He arrived at the church and found the hall packed with people.
My husband was known as Progress, or Babalada, and once people heard that Progress was getting married, they wanted to attend whether they had been invited or not.
When someone asked my husband how he was feeling that day, he said, “I feel joy.” Everyone started laughing because my name is Joy.
He kept saying he felt joy, and people continued teasing him about it.
Everything went smoothly. The song my husband chose was not particularly popular, but its meaning has remained significant to us. He had rehearsed it with the choir and they played the drum as he marched in, singing the song.
Another thing I remember is that immediately after the reception, my husband took me out of the hall and straight home. Everybody was still in the hall. He simply said, “Let’s go home,” and we disappeared. We did not go back to the hall.
What challenges have you faced in 32 years? Can you remember your first misunderstanding and how you resolved it?
Sir Nnamdi: I cannot remember the very first misunderstanding because we have had many over the years. However, one of the early issues concerned her visits to her parents.
Immediately after our wedding, her parents were living in Suleja, and every Saturday she would tell me she wanted to visit them and leave.
It became a concern for me because I felt we were trying to build our home, and I wondered whether she might be receiving advice that could create problems for us.
One day, I raised the issue with her, but she became defensive. She felt I was trying to stop her from visiting the parents who had raised her.
I realised that the matter was becoming a serious issue, so I decided to approach it differently.
I sat her down and asked whether I had parents too. She agreed. I asked whether I loved my parents, and she agreed again.
I then explained that I did not visit my parents every Saturday and that it would be better for us to visit hers together, taking something along whenever we went. I wanted the visits to be more meaningful and respectful, rather than her going alone every time.
After that conversation, I arranged for us to visit her parents together. We bought things for them and went to see them.
The following Saturday, I asked her to prepare again because we were going to visit her parents. We continued doing this until she began telling me that we were visiting them too often!
That was how we resolved the issue. What could have become a major problem in our marriage was settled through communication and a change in approach.
We have had many misunderstandings over the years, but we do not hold grudges. We settle our issues and move on. Our children sometimes wonder whether their parents ever have serious disagreements because we do not allow our problems to linger.
Lady Joy: I remember one misunderstanding that happened about two weeks after our wedding. I cannot recall exactly what caused it, but we were supposed to attend the wedding of a couple who had participated in singing at our own wedding.
Instead of going together, my husband went alone because of the disagreement we had.
I sat at home wondering what was happening. We had only just got married, and already we were having this kind of misunderstanding. I wondered why he would leave me behind and attend a wedding without me.
I remembered something my father had told me: marriage was like a parcel you received and opened. Whatever you found inside, you had to accept and deal with it. I realised that I could not simply return to my father’s house because of one disagreement.
We have had many misunderstandings, but the good thing is that we do not allow them to last beyond a few days.
There was even a time when I deliberately allowed an issue to drag into the fifth day. Ordinarily, we tried to resolve disagreements within two or three days.
We also did business together, with our shops facing each other on opposite sides of the same line. We saw each other practically every day.
Even when we were quarrelling, we could still speak and attend to business without allowing customers to know there was a problem. When we got home, we would continue discussing the issue until we resolved it.
Sometimes, we stayed up all night talking things through. Once we settled the matter, we moved on.
This pattern continued for years. Initially, we could have misunderstandings every week. Later, it became once every two weeks, then once a month.
By our tenth year of marriage, I noticed that we could go a whole month without quarrelling. It was a sign that we were growing and learning to understand each other better.
You have three children, all grown. What lessons would you share with couples, especially at a time when many marriages do not last?
Sir Nnamdi: My advice is that marriage requires patience. Couples must understand that they are the two central people in the relationship, not their brothers, sisters, fathers-in-law or mothers-in-law.
Sometimes, when a man marries, his relatives may begin to think that the woman has come to take away their brother’s money. They may create problems for her without knowing what the couple is going through or how they support each other.
It is the man’s responsibility to stand up for his wife, protect her and ensure she receives the protection she deserves.
This does not mean that a couple should not help their families. My wife and I have supported our relatives. I have trained two of my siblings, including one who attended university and another who attended a school of nursing, and my wife stood by me.
However, there must be boundaries that relatives should not cross.
Patience is also important because some of the issues that make people end their marriages today are things couples can work through. People talk about irreconcilable differences, but I believe many differences can be reconciled.
Both partners must be willing to work on themselves and become better people. Anyone entering marriage should do so with the intention of building a home and making the relationship work, rather than preparing to leave at the first sign of trouble.
Lady Joy: I would say that marriage is sweet, but couples must remember the vows they exchange: for better, for worse.
Some people want to remain in marriage only when things are pleasant. When difficulties arise, they want to run away. That is not how marriage works.
When the sweet moments come, enjoy them. When the bitter moments come, remain committed to working through them and finding ways to make things better.
Marriage requires compromise and mutual respect. Some people insist that there are certain things they cannot tolerate, but sometimes, if they take a step back and consider the situation carefully, they may realise that they can accommodate some of those differences.
Husbands and wives must learn to compromise on certain matters to allow peace to reign.
Couples must also protect each other, especially when dealing with family matters.
Every family has its own challenges, but the husband and wife must know how to handle them together and establish boundaries. My husband has stood up for me, even when issues involved his own family or my siblings. That protection is important in marriage. I have also stood up for my husband. Ultimately, marriage requires understanding. When two people agree to sit down and discuss their problems honestly, they can find solutions. There should be no unnecessary secrecy between husband and wife. They should be able to talk about virtually everything and work towards peace.
You are a family of five. How did you make time to relax and enjoy yourselves amid the demands of business and raising children? Did you go on holiday?
Sir Nnamdi: It was not easy. We were not financially comfortable when we started, and we were focused on surviving and building a future.
As I explained earlier, the song from our wedding carried a deeper meaning for me because it reminded me that I was working towards something better, despite the challenges.
I was never particularly interested in celebrations. We were more concerned about building our lives than spending money on enjoyment.
Our main holidays were usually during Christmas, when we travelled home and stayed for a week or two before returning.
It is only in more recent years that I have started taking my wife out occasionally to relax and enjoy herself.
My wife came into the marriage ready to build with me. We worked together and even maintained the same bank account. She was a signatory to my accounts, and I trusted her completely.
There was never a time when she withdrew money without my knowledge. She understood that the money we had was often earmarked for something important, and she supported me when I had to explain that we could not afford certain things at the time.
There was also a period when I worked with an organisation for 16 years. On Saturdays, I would return home, and we would wash the children’s clothes together. We did not have a washing machine. While I washed, she would rinse the clothes.
That togetherness developed over time, and we became deeply connected.
There were times when we did not even have enough money to buy food, but people around us did not know what we were going through. We did not allow financial difficulties to become a source of constant quarrelling.
My wife has been a very good friend to me. I share my concerns with her, and we discuss issues affecting our marriage.
It has not always been easy, but God has helped us, and we have remained committed to building our home together.
Lady Joy: One thing that is peculiar about our family is that we raised our children ourselves. From the time they were born until they left home, we did not have a house help. It was only a few years ago, when the children had all left home and it became difficult for me to manage some household chores, that I employed one.
While the children were growing up, it was just the five of us. We were closely involved in one another’s lives, and family matters were handled among us.
That was why, when my husband was considering leaving his job, he called everyone together and told us he wanted to resign. He asked for our opinions, and the children supported him.
Our lives have always been closely connected. Apart from occasional outings during Christmas, we did not have many opportunities for leisure because we were busy working and raising the children.
What is your spouse’s favourite food?
Sir Nnamdi: I remember something that happened shortly after our wedding. My wife returned home one day and told me she had been paid. She brought out her salary envelope and handed the money to me, saying I should add it to my business.
I asked her what she meant, and she said she did not need the money and wanted me to use it to grow the business. I accepted it and invested it in the business. There were times when she wanted to do her hair, and I would tell her there was no money. She would not quarrel with me over it.
As for her favourite food, I cannot identify one particular dish she must have. We eat what we can provide. However, when I buy fish, I know she enjoys it.
Lady Joy: Just as he said, we do not have a particular favourite food in our home. We eat what we have and what we can afford. There is no insistence that a particular dish must be served before anyone can eat.
After 32 years of marriage, is there anything you would like your spouse to change or improve?
Sir Nnamdi: I believe we are all works in progress. I cannot point to one particular thing and say that this is what I want my wife to change. We have both grown. There are things that were major issues at the beginning of our marriage that no longer bother us today. We have matured beyond them and learned how to handle situations differently.
Lady Joy: I do not think there is one particular thing I would single out for my husband to change. Marriage teaches people patience. Sometimes, when God wants to work on a particular area of our lives, He teaches us how to develop the character we need.
What advice would you give bachelors planning to get married today?
Sir Nnamdi: My advice to men is to pray about marriage and trust God to guide them.
Look for someone who will help you fulfil your dreams. The Bible describes a wife as a helpmeet, and a good marriage involves both partners supporting each other.
Madam, your final advice to women?
Lady Joy: Marriage is a journey, and every woman who decides to become one with a man must understand that it is not child’s play.
As I said earlier, enjoy the sweet moments, but when the bitter moments come, remain committed to working through them rather than allowing the difficulties to push you out.
I remember one sister telling me, when I married at a young age, that she was not ready to enter any man’s house. She said that if she ever married, she would first keep her belongings ready so that she could leave immediately if the man misbehaved.
Up till today, she is not married. My point is that the wrong mindset can prevent a marriage from succeeding. If you enter marriage believing that it is your home and that you have a responsibility to help build it, you will approach challenges differently.
Nothing strengthens a marriage more than togetherness. When husband and wife join hands and work together, they give their marriage a better chance of succeeding.
