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When a man who is old and mature enough to get married fails to live up to this expectation the onus will be on his parents to pressure him to do the needful. This is because it is generally believed that men tend to live more responsibly when they get married. In several instances, the strategy has proved helpful because the responsibility of being a husband somehow impacts positively on the man, especially with his parents’ support and helpful advice to the wife. Unfortunately, this approach somehow piles pressure on many women who end up in marriage where the men feel coerced into the marriage when they are never ready for it. In the end the women are made to bear the brunts and suffer the consequences of having to manage their ‘baby’ husbands.
Notwithstanding the good intention of the family of the man, the question that needs to be addressed is: why should a young woman be made to suffer the consequences of getting married to a man who is never ready for a marriage? Why should she be made to ‘pamper’ and ‘nurse’ an unprepared man, a son that his family could not rescue, to become a husband? The truth be told, women are entitled to quality marital life and should enjoy the best that every marriage has to offer. Yes, they should.
Often, we hear some men say that a lady is not a wife material. Then I ask, how many men are husband material? How many men are equal to the task of being a husband and father? Gone are the days when men alone were sent to school with the warped mindset that women’s education ends in the kitchen. In fact, there are more men in the kitchen presently than women. That is why it is no longer a common practice for ladies who do not measure up to be compensated with worthy men. In the same manner, if a lady is perceived as not being a ‘wife material’ should an accomplished and responsible man be pushed to rescue her as her husband?
Now, who are those parents that would raise worthy daughters and allow them to be married to a nuisance of husbands? Men who are not properly groomed for matrimony, but who make a sing-song of their desires to marry ‘wonderful women’. I want to ask them, how wonderful are you?
Back in the past, it was very fashionable for Nigerian men who lived abroad to come back home and marry women of high repute and standard. Their allure was the benefit that comes with such partnership, notable among which is the propensity to earn foreign currencies with which ‘the exported’ wives would support their family when they finally relocated with their husbands. Even men who had no attractive economic profile were equally interested in ladies with such high social and academic standards, especially those with qualifications in the field of health.
Ofcourse, it is not wrong to dream big but people must be realistic in their ambitions. Mister Man, what is your worth? Instead of planning to relocate these successful ladies abroad with you and turn them into cash cows that could be milked for your ego and pleasure, why not develop yourself? Why don’t you get enrolled in school and position yourselves for better opportunities? It is totally nauseating to see men who do not measure up in terms of conduct, character, and economic attractiveness, to show desperation in getting married to ladies above their standing and standard. Yet, these men will still insist that the ladies of their choice must be wife material just because they believe they are doing them (their wives) a favour by marrying them.Imagine such heights of disrespect!
Men, your wives are not your mothers; get this right. In this modern time, collaboration is the word and the key to a successful marital relationship. Marriage is a partnership between a senior and junior. There are distinct roles that are meant for the man and the woman respectively in order to make the relationship work. Your marriage will only be fruitful, peaceful, productive, enduring, romantic, lovely and blessed if these roles are dutifully discharged by both parties. Issues will only develop in marital relationships when responsibilities and obligations are not fulfilled by either of the parties. That a man has a functional ‘staff of office’ dangling and standing at attention when called to action, is not an enough reason to decide to go into marriage. A man who wants to marry must be worthy, able and willing to discharge the real responsibilities of a husband and father.
Worthy of note is the fact that no wife wants to be treated like a grandmother. Biblically speaking, a wife is a ‘help-mate”, and a neck. She is only meant to complement her husband and to help the family achieve its divine purpose. Therefore, a baby-husband, or mummy’s pet who is still being spoon fed by his mother and remains tied to the apron strings of his parents, even in marriage, certainly lacks the capacity to fit into the role of a husband because it will be hard for him to even understand what his duties towards his wife are. Meanwhile his first primary responsibility is to recognize and perform his roles toward his wife.
A man who wants to be a true husband should never be lazy because a slothful man can never build a happy home, no matter how handsome, sexy and hunk he is. Every man must strive to be a worthy husband. Without determination, hard work and a sense of responsibility, to protect and provide for the family, a man cannot be considered a worthy husband. I will always remember the former First Lady of Ekiti State, Erelu Bisi Fayemi, who was asked during an interview about what attracted her to her man, Dr. Kayode Fayemi. Her response: “My husband and I met as classmates during our MBA (Master of Business Administration) programme in school. He said I was one of the brightest in the class and that corresponded with my own thinking about him being one of the brightest in the same class too.” In essence the young Kayode then showed he was worthy and a matching figure to the then young lady. He was not a lazy, dubious and ‘smooth-operator’ with a lying tongue like many who go about hoodwinking women. I have not forgotten Sister Pat, a pretty lady who was cleared off by Paul, a driver. Paul had a good relationship with his boss which made it easy for him to drive around his machines. On one fateful day, Paul gave Pat a ride with one of his boss’ posh cars while pretending to be the owner. One thing led to another and next was pregnancy. By the time Paul’s true identity was revealed as an ‘ordinary driver, Pat was so devastated. Her life crumbled like a pack of cards.
Today’s piece is targeted at men who try to hang their bags where their hands cannot reach because they want to marry women of substance. Men who cheat unrepentantly on their wives are unworthy husbands. The question is: what are you ready to give in exchange for what you want. Every man wants the best but not many of them are ready to offer the best in return.
Then again, marriage should not be a calm-down kit for a man who is not worthy of being a husband to his wife. Men should marry women who belong to their class in terms of character, education and women who share their world view.
Dear all, this piece is a call to both men and women to sit up and live up to their responsibilities. People often say a bad husband is much easier to manage than a bad wife. But personally, I am of the opinion that neither is good to encounter in a marriage. It is much better for the two to be at par and understand the game in the same way. Both the buyer and the seller deserve fair deal in every business transaction.
Today, some Nigerian banks have females as their Managing Directors. Women who attain such position must have enjoyed the benefit of responsible and equally supportive husbands. They must have grown together over the years as couples. Such family set up makes it much easier for women to grow career-wise especially now that most organisations prefer to have women at top managerial positions. An airline owner who prefers having women occupying such positions once said, “If you put men in such positions, they compete to take over the business or run it down if they cannot take over.”
