I am lying on my bed, turning and tossing. Too tired to sleep. I know a few things I can do to calm my nerves but it’s not about what I need now. It’s about what I want. All I want is just to be a baby girl tonight. I want the warmth of a full-grown, warm-blooded male.
No, it’s not for the sex. I want to be cuddled; I want to tell him how exhausted I am. I want to tell him in a lying position. I want him lying behind me with my head resting on one of his arms and the comfort of his other arm wrapped around me. I want his lips just behind my ears. Close enough to hear him whisper soothing words and some sweet nonsense. I want to sleep off in his arms afterward. This is the de-stressor I need right now. It’s not just about the body contact here. It takes an emotionally present partner to be sensitive enough to know the comforting impact of this simple gesture to be able to deliver it. It is another level of intimacy altogether.
You think I should be ashamed of the carnality of my desire right now? No, I am not. I am not ashamed to confess this need. I am not ashamed to show this vulnerability. That I am a strong, independent woman does not negate the fact that I was not designed to be alone by the good Lord. Now, before you think this is a struggle only single women face, do you know not every married woman can boast of this level of intimacy with their husband? For some, the closest you can get to him is the point he is thrusting in and out of you.
Outside that, you know you are emotionally miles apart. Even to you, that my desire tonight is a luxury you once enjoyed or never even had a taste of in your marriage. And, dear husbands, some of you are thinking I can do this. I would love to cuddle her to sleep. But your wife is just not the woman you want to do that with. For some other set of men, that is just some dumb stuff you can’t imagine yourself doing. It is considered a weakness to you. Your emotions are too cast in iron it’s almost nonexistent. One of the things that can quickly dig a gully in a marriage is when either partner is emotionally unavailable. You cannot truly connect. You try to reach out but it’s like you touching a cold statue. It will always seem like a physical wall is built between you two because no form of sensitivity is present.
You can’t even enjoy the joy and soul connection of lovemaking. Sex is the peak of connection you share. Once sex is over, the window to their heart is sealed. This is why you won’t notice when all she needs is to be cuddled just to reassure her you are right by her side and all will be well. That’s why you offer food to your husband or even sex when what he needs at that moment is just to pour out his soul. All he wants is just for you to listen. He just needs you to pamper him with your attention and some reassurance. Pampering, being emotionally available, helps you to be sensitive to the many subtle yet important non-verbal expressions of your spouse. So many issues are solved at that level.