‘Kicked my husband out for flirting with our guest’

Dear Njigirl,

It has been two months since my husband moved out of our home. I caught him misbehaving towards my sister’s friend, who visited my sister during the summer. My sister’s friend is only 26 years old. My husband was flirting with her and I found it so disgusting and disrespectful, so I asked him to leave.

I later found out that he even made a pass at my sister as well. I can’t find it in me to forgive him, but I wonder why I didn’t see this pattern in him before we got married. We have only been married for five years and I want a divorce, but we have a son who is four years old. My son misses his daddy. What should I do? Should I go ahead with the divorce?

ν Alice

Dear Alice,

I cannot tell you what to do but I can certainly advice you on what I think is right. First, I want you to consider that in both instances of his actions, he attempted to cheat but didn’t go ahead to have an affair with either your sister or her friend, did he? Of course, it is possible that he might have had he not been caught but the fact remains, he did not. So, what I am saying is that you both need counseling instead of a divorce. I can understand that you feel betrayed but, in his case, try to understand why he needs to flirt before finally deciding that he is not worth keeping. In these two months, has he attempted to contact you? Are you saying that you have forbidden him from seeing his son? I do not think it is right to deprive children of their biological parents at any point in time. Try to find it in you to forgive him. If you do not want him back in the house until after counseling, its fine but find a mutual location to drop off and pick up your son. Regardless of what transpired between the two of you, do not cause your son to suffer unnecessarily. Your husband has a problem but one that can be solved by an expert. Make that appointment today and be on your way to saving your marriage. You can do it.

ν Dr. NJ