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Last week I heard a story about a young lady who became a second wife. She claimed that she fell in love with the married man but after the wedding, she realized that her husband wasn’t as rich as she thought he was. At present, she is suffering and regretting, because she has been paying school fees, feeding, fueling her car; and her rent will be due very soon.
That serves her right? Of course I know that’s how you feel because she must have stolen another woman’s “property”. She must have made another woman miserable and you also feel she is a devil who has gone to torment and destroy a peaceful home.
Like a typical Nigerian, the man cannot be blamed because the enchantress must have seduced him and he just couldn’t resist her. There is even a possibility that she fed him love potion and it’s good she is suffering now. Oh! Halleluiah! Nemesis finally caught up with her quickly.
Bravo! You have all spoken well but I would rather say “shame on her”. Why should a woman become a second wife and managing to get by? Why didn’t she do her homework properly? Why won’t she use her head and forget about love?
So, sorry I shocked you, because I really don’t see why a single woman will go ahead and put her head in a place that will become problematic to her in future.
Even Muslims whose religion permits a man to marry more than a wife have a clause; you should be able to take adequate care of them. So, I really don’t understand why you should be a second wife and suffering.
If you are a second, third or fourth wife, you should be a trophy wife. As long as you are not the first, then you have no business suffering and smiling.
A man who decides to marry a second wife must be capable of taking care of her. If he doesn’t have enough money to spoil his new wife then he has no business having a second wife.
Honestly, I really don’t pity women who go ahead to become a second wife and then end up worse than they were when they were single. Assuming that you became a second wife, because age is no longer on your side, you shouldn’t be caught with a man who can barely feed himself. If you must do polygamy then do it well and let your friends envy you.
Can you remember how everyone frowned at your choice of husband? Have you forgotten you became the butt of everyone’s joke when you told him or her you would become his second wife? Remember, you couldn’t even have that big wedding you always dreamt of because of his wife.
Madam second wife, you’ll probably be a secret till his death. He can’t even take you around to let everyone know he has married you. Even if he would, that will take years because you are his well-kept secret and that includes your children.
How can you do this to yourself? My people will say, if you must eat a frog, eat the one with eggs. Open your eyes and look for a big fish if you want to become a second best.
Please don’t give us that crappy love story, because that means nothing really? I really don’t understand how you will convince me that you fell in love with another woman’s husband.
Moreover, does love really exist in such relationships? We all know what the main attraction is here. It’s the naira.
How can you be a second wife and you are living in Ajegunle? How can you be a second wife and your shop is at Orile? How can you be a second wife and your children’s school is at Badia? How did you get here? If there is no money in this emotionally exhausting roller coaster marriage, why did you get into it? Do you know the kind of psychological trauma you just walked into? Have you taken your time to think about the strife and rivalry you have to battle all your life? You will forever be his second best and your children will always come after his first wife’s children. So, why shouldn’t you do proper calculations before you walk into that marriage?
Although, I do not encourage women to go into polygamy but if you must, then use your head. It’s emotionally demanding and for the rest of your life you will have to face this.
Immediately you become his second wife, your life becomes a battleground. So, why complicate your life if you are not gaining anything tangible? Why should you even let a man who has no money convince you into being his second wife? Is he using jazz to speak to you? People who are super rich still deal with bickering, strife and rivalry how much more you who have no money.
Well, if you are thinking of the second wife option, make sure that the man in question is super rich. He has to be able to take care of you and even if you don’t have a job, your account should be automatically credited every month end. When you shop for Chanel, Hermes and Prada you don’t have to look at the price tag.
Moreover, he must be able to lavish on you extravagant gifts like the 2017 edition of Mercedes Benz, Cartier Panter rings and ridiculously big diamonds. He should buy you pent houses at choice areas and sponsor your holidays to the Bahamas or any destination of your choice. Don’t forget you should be flying first class and if possible you should be flown in private jets too. Your husband to be must be an epitome of loaded; he should have so much money that he never checks price tags while shopping or paying bills at restaurants. He buys whatever he wants, whenever he wants and the only thing he has to think about before purchasing something is whether he has time in his schedule to use the product. He makes sure that literally everything he owns be it his car, TV or swimming pool is always the most up-to-date and efficient models, else he will simply buy a new one.
If your husband to be can’t satiate this standard then go look for a single man with good prospects. Go, struggle with him, one day, you will both build an empire and you will both live thereafter in a world of luxury; that is more honourable. Leave that married man alone, if you don’t want a miserable future.
Re: Singles: Live, enjoy and mingle
Dear Bolatito,
I am a regular reader of your column but I disagree with you on this one. While it’s good to enjoy as a single girl, it is also very good and best to marry and raise family on time. A woman, no matter how many degrees and wealth at her disposal will always feel incomplete and unfulfilled without a stable family. Or does she want to become a plaything in the hands of young fortune and fun seeking boys at 50? Old age comes with sickness, loneliness and fear. Who can play the husband and children at this time? Bola, advise our young girls that while pursuing degrees and career they should also pursue marriage. Good men are after good women more than riches. Real enjoyment is in a happy family. Thanks. –07082—747
Thank you for hitting the nail on the head, I love reading your column, keep it up Bola, may your ink never run dry. Have a lovely day –Mildred.
Bola, your advice to single girls, especially in the successful bracket, is right. Even those who cannot hold their own should engage in activities that would give them financial support to reduce worry over failure at getting suitors. Most men who go into marriage these days also look for ladies who can hold the fort for them at intermittent hard times in marriage. Parents’ “meddlesomeness” into unmarried ladies’ affair is premised on custom and tradition of our people, which do not fit into marital issues of the 21st Century. Sexual equality is fast gaining grounds worldwide. Therefore, if a man’s unmarried status does not dent his image, why should it dent the unmarried lady’s? If a single lady imposes herself on a man, she surely would be worse off for it in such a relationship. If marriage appears elusive, she should adopt single parenthood to train her kids; if perchance she has some.
–Lai Ashadele
I encourage your write-up to be re titled “The Joys of Single Ladies” after the fashion of Buchi Emecheta’s ironical “The Joys of Motherhood”. Ironical? Yes, ironical because if the preferable (married) is not available, the available (not married) becomes preferable. Ironical? Yes, ironical ‘cos of the effort in trying to cover with cosmetics that which naturally is an ugly face. –Joseph, Awka on 0803**5*965.
Bola,
Going by the content of your message today, you are only trying to encourage and recruit a lot of girls into spinsterhood indefinitely. May the good Lord help and deliver our girls of today. Amen
I love your article on singles but I think guys should have benefited because we’re under pressure too. Honestly, freezing of egg is not an ideal remedy. I like girls who are real, self employed, humane and pious and nice too. –Sylvanus Iyke, Aba
Beautiful nonsense. –080603—364.
