Headquarters of petty talk

First things first, you need to purge your mind to find liberation before delving into the nitty-gritty of this piece. Second things second, you need to understand that we here target both nowhere and somewhere in particular. Third things third, you need to go academic to get in the groove. Fourth things fourth, you need to -going forward- restart to achieve the flow.

What exactly do the foregoing mean, severally? Simply that there’s a little housekeeping we must ensure. Dotting the i’s and crossing the t’s before take-off, every time, is a sensible ground rule, isn’t it? Let’s break some things down, one after the other.

First up, we are saying that you don’t read beyond this point if you have yet told yourself to keep an open mind. This entry is one bitter pill that everyone should and must swallow. One who abhors bitter truths, especially when they get too up close and personal, should pause here; get oneself to sit down and give oneself a talk about how that is not the way to go right now. Such a one should convince oneself that this is one hardball one must play against self.

Second up, internalise the fact that although this message targets nobody and nowhere in particular, somebody and somewhere would eventually take a hit. So, tell yourself early enough that that somebody could be you; that that somewhere could be your community or local government or state, nationally speaking, or your country -globally. There’s nothing as calming and healing and reassuring as foreknowledge. Knowing long beforehand that trouble is coming reduces its impact, etc. when it finally does.

Third up, we also need to deploy what scholars call contextual clarification. Specifically, what do headquarters and petty talk mean as we here apply them? While headquarters refers to top spot or “hotspot”, petty talk is for gossip and such other spoken verbals or comedowns. By the way, please note that petty talk is not small talk since small talk is neither small nor dirty!

Let’s now make progress. Prepare your mind, this whole stuff might end up being about your people or you. If things turn out so, please turn a new leaf. Stop telling stories, stop destroying destinies and futures, stop killing and burying people while they walk about oblivious; suffering for crimes they never committed.

Petty talk is too destructive, too envious, too rampant. Almost everybody engages in it, one way or the other. When the small, dirty spirit of petty talk descends, its lousy anointing can fall on anybody, big or small; educated or uneducated; poor or rich; powerful or powerless; male or female. Some people (read leaders) could swear they are not petty talkers and indeed they aren’t but they are as dangerous if not more because they are petty listeners-cum-actors.

While petty talkers only talk petty, petty listeners-cum-actors not only listen petty, they also act petty. Petty talkers sow the hate, petty listeners-cum-actors water it and their chief executive officer, Satan, completes the cycle, multiplying the increase. That’s the supply chain or organogram of petty talk. After today, if you still purvey petty talk, know that you are on the payroll of Satan as his agent either as footsoldier or generator or as middleman or distributor.

Laugh or smile all you can but that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Most of us might mouth God 24/7 but we work full-time, even overtime, for Satan. The most of the most of us serve two masters simultaneously which is why we are almost always yo-yoing or penduluming too easily between light and darkness. Therefore, to further help us walk away forever from the master of petty doings and sign on permanently to our Maker and Father, we need to understand how petty talk functions.

Here we are. When we are angry or arrogant or desperate or envious or hateful or generally evil-centric, the tendency is to resort to any of the cornucopia of tricks of the world. With petty talk, that involves using our mouth or pen to seek to demonise one to another or others with a view to causing chaos or denting image or (public) perception or gaining advantage or putting asunder or or winning favour. This happens every minute, every day, everywhere: denigrating age, gender, looks, status, and so on.

But, it is worse in some places where it has become an art, a science; an established strategy that everyone accepts it as a new normal. In at least one place, it has become a lifestyle. Everyone lives it. If you know this place, then, surely, you know the headquarters of petty talk.

Alas, petty talk is one crying shame we can do without. Enough of concocting or reporting or saying or spreading or writing falsehood. It’s okay you have appointed yourself to the unenviable position of chief monitor and you enjoy the shameful role of reporting the missteps of others. However, you should never manufacture nor disseminate tall tales.

Check your life: you once rumoured that one public officer stole billions. Those who carried the gist had no brains to first check whether all the accruals during the person’s tenure were even up to a quarter of what they said he stole. You also remember accusing A of sleeping with B, C, D and foolishly their spouse fell to your idiocy and broke their home; something they now want back having discovered it was all lies. The other time, it was that the graduate had no certificate; a claim you only made nearly three decades after, all because the person was coming into some enviable glory.

And, you are really jobless and hopeless, Mr Petty Talker, the way you twist every good thing. Imagine reasoning that I am flying commercial because my predecessor seized the official jet. Or that I have no money because they took all the revenue in the name of election cost. You appear at the village square, at the market, on air, in print and on social media with cock-and-bull stories that come straight from the pit of hell.

Just how do you manufacture your tales? Is your mind different from that of the rest of us? How can you always think, say, do, write and convey only evil? Don’t you ever get tired of lying or of hating?

You gloated that I had resigned from office over something only you know about. You brought out fake lists of appointments not once not twice and had the impish audacity to share plus including portfolios. Down below, in spite of and despite the fact that you have been enjoying uncountable perks of office and of politics the last twelve years and counting, you still go around doing petty talk and sundry dirty jobs against me. Don’t you ever get tired, and just when would you stop this satanic mannerism?

Don’t you know that all that money, all that power and all that qualification you amass from pulling down others shall fizzle into vapour sooner rather than later? What name, what legacy would you bequeath to your children and family and posterity, at the end? While you rot away in hell, won’t people see your memory shrouded in dishonour and opprobrium as tantamount to double jeopardy? Why go down in history as a petty villain when by just keeping your mouth and pen sane, humanity can asterisk you a hero for eternity?

Ditto for you, silly and gullible Chief Petty Listener-cum-Actor. Stop listening to rubbish about others and even more importantly, stop acting based on such useless information. Give human beings some legroom and even when they run foul as they most certainly would from time to time, the same way you frequently fall short, learn to treat them with decency and respect. However and whatever and whenever and wherever, learn to discourage petty talk(ers)!

Furthermore, we should always remember that petty talkers are small people. In addition, that so-called big people who indulge in or encourage petty talk are small minds. And, that petty talk is a satanic pastime. That time is now to choose where we stand and who we are: petty talkers or petty listeners-cum-actors or occupiers of moral high ground!

Finally, declare with me -even if you can’t. I am not and can never be a petty talker nor a petty-listener-cum-actor. Henceforth, I shall work to discourage both the practice and the evil practitioners. I am a moral agent.

So: help me, God!

A little feedforward …

Next Monday, I shall write on: When my boss ignores my calls. It might sound frivolous but it’s important enough for this space since it has caused many untimely deaths and unnecessary illness. My boss here includes parent, leader, employer, benefactor, etc. And, of course, by calls we mean more than telephone, etc.

Don’t miss this space, next Monday!