“Will bathing with my spouse put food on the table? I did not start my marriage with that and do not think of it presently. With the economic situation in the country coupled with the immediate school fees of four children staring at me eyeball to eyeball is worrisome; talk less of bathing together with my wife,” says one of my senior colleagues in the newsroom. This question gathered momentum, and the newsroom was thrown into a mini-market. It became an argumentative session. Some were in support of the motion that says I bath with my wife, while some were against the gesture. In the course of the argument, Chief Alex Akinyele of blessed memory’s interview and off-record stories sprang up. The interviewer who does not want his name in print quoted Akinyele as saying “When I was still in the business of admiring women as a young married man. I had a lady friend (name withheld) who I promised to visit. On the said day, I got to her home to meet various meals prepared and set perfectly on the dining table just for the two of us. Honestly, I defended my eating title and my stomach was almost bloating, luckily, I had an understanding driver who drove me home a bit late that night. As I walked into my sitting room, I saw my wife dosing over my dinner on our dining table. It was a pitiable situation and to appease her, politely I told her the usual lie of ‘we were in a meeting till late.’ Then, I forced the food into my stomach and could literarily feel food around my throat area. To say my stomach was full was an overstatement. I almost got choked up in the wee hours of the night. It was a battle on the bed as I could barely sleep till the early hours of the morning when I managed to catch a nap. From that experience, I hardly ever eat my dinner outside except during official duties which I attend with my wife most times.”
It was from this story that one of my smart senior male colleagues said in the newsroom which is dominated by men, “I politely discouraged my wife from waiting for me for joint eating.” Other like minds agreed with him. Then I asked, since you cannot eat together, do you bath together as a couple? And the newsroom was set on fire.
As senior editors, respectfully, I will not put their real names in print but their responses will show. The first to cast the stone was Mr. Nelson and he said… “Marriage used to expire and that is the honest truth. There are times when the association strictly minds the rules and standard practice of the game and that allows peace to reign. At the stage of early love-madness, one can manage to do that, but when it expires; everyone minds their business and face the realities of life. At such times, the focus would be building legacies, raising the children educationally, spiritually and otherwise, then the companion.”
In the same vein another senior responded “I have not done that from the first day of the marriage that and do not think I will do it presently. We do not eat and bath together as a couple, but that does not mean we do not bond. In my home, after cooking, my wife will dish mine in my plate and dish hers. While we eat, we discuss issues and tell stories together. That we are not bathing and eating together does not mean we are not in love. Bathing and eating together are not the needed ingredients to be in love especially for the man.
Furthermore, another respondent said “If I am resting or sleeping and I am disturbed because someone wants to bath, she will receive an elbow hit. Why would you disturb my sleep because you want to bath? Do your bathing and allow me to rest. When I am ready, I will do mine because we do not do the same work. You have a private business while I am thinking of cover story idea and how to go about it. Otherwise, bathing together happened during the early years of our marriage. But recently, I do not have such time to be bathing with a woman.” As a journalist, one could be called upon at any time to get something done, so should I be waiting to bath with her.? Bathing together is for new beginners.
In another dimension, Mr. John, not real name was surprised that most of his male colleagues do not bath with their wives. “Guys, your responses are strange to me. In fact, two hours before I left for the office, I was in the bathroom with my wife. We bath together at all times, except when we are not together in the course of travel.” I honestly will give it to the woman I married because she is the pilot of the home. She made it compulsory for us to eat and bath together. In our younger years in marriage, when we have issue and I decide to sleep in outside our matrimonial bed, she will never be comfortable until she sees me on the bed. If I refuse to eat her food then, she will not be happy until I eat. Bathing with her is compulsory and we enjoy it; otherwise, why are we a couple? I encourage you my brothers to experience the bathing bliss.
When the question was thrown at one of the oldest male newsroom gurus, he expressively said “I cannot bath with my wife. What for? Time frame has disrupted such opportunities. Her job takes her out very early in the morning. So, would I join her that early to bath in the name of love and bonding? While she is getting ready for her job, I might be on my laptop trying to round off a story. So, for the evening, as my wife is already home because she does 9:00am-5:00pm job, probably, a news story has just broken somewhere which I must not miss. After all the work, I might be getting home very late while she is already in bed. Ask him “What about weekends when you might be together especially going to church on Sunday? “I live in a comfortable spacious apartment with many bathrooms where anyone can bath. What is the meaning of bathing with my wife?
Furthermore, another sports sensation in the newsroom said “I bath with my wife once in a while. It does not happen often, but it is regular in our home. I also made sleeping together on the same bed very compulsory, no matter the quarrel.” Any attempt to sleep outside the matrimonial bed cause bigger quarrel. That instruction was given so as to trash every issue out on that bed. To crown it all, the Oga said “We even use the same wrapper to cover ourselves up.”
Interestingly, the topic became stronger and more thought-provoking when the ladies in the newsroom in the same vein agreed with the men that they do not bath with their husbands. “A beautiful middle aged married lady said “Not now anymore.” We did all that during our dating days and early marriage. But today, life generally has strengthened more things that no one has time for bathing and eating together.” He does his bathing all by himself while I do mine at my own time.”
Now, a strong female opinion leader and a member of Nigerian Women Journalists (NAWOJ) said, “It is not a bad idea to bath or eat with one’s spouse, but a lot of issues, circumstances and events of life has infringed on such occasions. A journalist’s life when critically looked at is such that could be likened to the opposite of normal life. While so many people wake up very early to prepare for work, most journalists are sleeping because they were awake all night, working, crosschecking the missed and published stories. So, bathing together with one’s spouse is not a common thing for both the male and female journalists.”
Another female journalist said “I do not bath with my husband but we eat together. No matter how late, he will wait for me to return, prepare the food and dish out for both of to eat. After eating, I would get to the bathroom immediately and shower, while he might be busy on his phone and television, I would retire on the bed.” He comes to the bed when he is ready.
Dearest people of God. It was such a hit in the newsroom when this argument came up. In my defense, I think it is a question of whatever that works for one because bathing with your spouse does not make you a bigger human. Then, not bathing does not bathing does not also make you a lesser being.