Alive, no need: dead, no need

My friend, Aniekan Johnson, who speaks Ekid, an Akwa Ibom dialect, last Wednesday, narrated something I find intriguing. He said a brother of the deceased had insisted on addressing the funeral. When he finally had his way, he threw the solemn gathering into the kind of rapturous, no-holds-barred laughter that leaves everyone sprawling helplessly. “This brother of mine whose body lays here, when he was alive: no need; now that he is dead, no need.”

I find it profound. When you were alive, you were of no use. Now that you are dead, still of no use. This must be one of life’s most unfortunate tragedies.

To be clear, not everybody who dies is useless. Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, Bob Marley, John F. Kennedy, Mary Slessor, Nelson Mandela, Udo Udoma, Uko Akpan, Michael Jackson and why not, my father, Etubom (Elder) Michael Effiong Mbaba: all dead but forever remembered for their positive vibes and vibrations. Alas, there are far too many alive today who may even be better positioned than the aforementioned who now and when they die would never enjoy this kind of mention. That is what this is about!

Alive, of no need. Dead, of no need. God, please, this must never be me; this must never be us. Never ever: never ever ever.

But, is anyone praying otherwise? That is, does anyone pray to be of no use in life and in death? Of course, nobody prays to; meaning it is not about praying it. It is a matter of intentionality.

You must navigate life -consciously and deliberately and smartly- to not be dismissed as a needless or useless entity especially at death when you have not even a dog’s chance to succeed in changing the narrative. The adverbial twins, consciously and deliberately, speak to being awake to humanity. As for smartly, you are told -in spite of and despite all- to never forget self and survival and posterity -in that order. Consciously and deliberately work for others but smartly factor self in, every step of the way.

Do not in future say that you never knew. Because, indeed, you now know. Never forget to love your neighbour but remember you can only love them the way you love yourself. If you neither nurture nor water yourself, you shall cease to exist which means there will then be nobody to take care of self first.

Learn to balance things up, strive to balance things up. Be good to others. More importantly, be good too or more good to yourself. While to others you need to give empathy, sympathy and generosity, you need for yourself total package.

Learn to pamper yourself. Whatever it is, whatever happens, reserve the best treat per time for yourself and internalise enjoying it. The double truth is that -on one hand- if you do not pamper yourself, no one else would do it for you and -on the flip side- you would never know how to pamper others. The worst of it all is the betrayal that awaits you should you deny yourself because of others in hope they shall grow to return with gratitude and appreciation.

Benefactors should come to the irrefutable conclusion that beneficiaries hardly return, except to show off as well as prove how much they no longer need you. So, while you still can, prioritise yourself. “Had I known” is now considered an obsolete, almost brainless ending. So-called good people are not supposed to wallow in years of regret, so -please- make hay while the sun shines.

Look at Jesus who is God. Of the first ten he was good to, while here on earth, only one returned to say thank you. The greatest gratitude, the goodness or generosity that a good man, a generous person can be surest of is the one by himself to himself. Nobody should ever miss or skip that!

At the risk of sounding too repetitive, be kind to all but never forget to be kinder to yourself. Build houses for others but a home for yourself. Nobody should ever say that you had no use, alive or dead. Be so intentional, they cannot even in your absence temper with the verdict of how needful you were -to humanity and self!

And, yes, we can break these things down more. You are a stingy rich man if you cannot take care of your family. A foolish one if you cannot take care of yourself. But, you are not rich, if you cannot help your community or humanity.

Like the so-called rich father whose children are out of school because of fees or the lack of them. Or whose wife struggles with needs. Or whose one-in-town country home is surrounded by huts. Or, by whose appearance you can hardly tell his class.

Such a man alive?: no need! Dead?: no need! Humility should never be made to mean “humbility.” Nobody who can afford to help others or to enjoy the good life should be so stupid to be contrarily selfish.

Be intelligently intentional with your life. It is important for people to feel you -as we say in Nigeria. However, it is more important for your family to feel you. However, however, it is most important for you to feel yourself.

You may pause, go back to read and ruminate on those four lines again and again. And, mind you, feeling you is not necessarily only about money. People and family and you could also feel you the way you love and share; the way you show empathy and patience; the way you encourage and support; the way you inspire and integrate; the way you defend and stand up when needed. You and I are not of no use to humanity, to family, and to self neither should that ever be said of us -in truth.

God bless Nigeria!

CAF: Thank God there is FIFA

African football, the only one area that the continent can still be said to have some global bragging rights, was dragged in the mud last week by the very people purportedly elected to protect it. Africa sure has them, leaders. Imagine announcing to the world that the referee is no longer the final authority in a football game.

Oh, Africa, my Africa, who did you this strong thing? Who cursed you with bland, blank, lying leaders? Like the Nigerian governor who could not tell BBC the name of even one potential investor he was in the room with in London!

Oh, God, do not look on anymore. Intervene, Father, help our leaders the truth to know, the truth to do, the truth to tell -per time. Thank you, already, for the Moroccan player, for George Weah and for all the voices of reason and courage we still boast of.

Specifically, do not, Lord, allow FIFA to look away. Even if the books of football say they cannot intervene let alone interfere, let them look for a way -as they almost always do when it favours them- to overrule CAF. Senegal, not Morocco, are continental champions.

And, not only that: the shame they and all concerned have brought on us, FIFA must make CAF et al to bear the brunt. Let heads roll, let people be banned. Africa cannot keep acting as if it is not part of the sane world!