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• Septuagenarian couple says prayer, trust, tolerance our secrets
It was a celebration of love, faith and enduring companionship as family members, friends, colleagues and well-wishers gathered at the Magodo, Lagos, residence of 77-year-old lawyer, Alex Monye, and his wife, Anwuli, to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary.
The occasion brought together people from different walks of life, including fellow retirees, community members, legal practitioners and church members, who joined the couple and their children to celebrate five decades of marital bliss.
But beyond the excitement, warm embraces and goodwill messages that characterised the occasion was a compelling story of commitment, sacrifice, patience and perseverance.
For the couple, whose union has endured for 50 years, the journey has not been without challenges. They, however, attribute the success of their marriage to prayer, mutual trust, tolerance and an unwavering commitment to building a home together.
Their message to younger couples is simple: marriage is not a destination where everything becomes perfect after the wedding ceremony. Rather, it is a lifelong journey of discovery, adjustment, forgiveness and continuous learning.
Monye, who married Anwuli when he was 27 and she was 23, described marriage as an institution in which husband and wife must continually learn about each other, regardless of how long they have been together.
According to him, the fact that a couple has spent decades together does not mean they have completely understood each other or that disagreements will no longer arise.
“Marriage is not a bed of roses. It is a school in which husband and wife continue to learn about each other. Even now, we are still learning about ourselves.
“There are things my wife will do that will make me wonder whether she is the same woman I have been living with for five decades. The same thing happens when I behave in a way she does not expect.
“But the key word is tolerance. We tolerate each other. That is it. We also back each other with prayers,” he said.
The lawyer explained that marriage requires a conscious effort by both partners to build a relationship in which they support each other, accommodate their differences and create room for personal and collective growth.
He emphasised that beyond romantic affection, couples must embrace agape love, which he described as selfless and unconditional love, while remaining committed to their responsibilities within the family.
For him, the longevity of a marriage depends not on the absence of challenges but on the willingness of the couple to confront them together.
For Monye, mutual trust is one of the most important ingredients of a successful marriage. He argued that couples who do not trust each other have little chance of enjoying peace and stability in their homes.
“When I say trust is required, it is because if you don’t trust your spouse, there is no need for marriage. A husband and wife should not give each other any reason to distrust the relationship.
“My wife has never suspected me of cheating, and it is the same with me. She worked as a civilian staff member with the Nigerian Navy, while I worked at the University of Lagos. Every day, we went to work without having to worry about each other’s whereabouts because love and trust were there.
“What could anyone offer my wife that would make her abandon what we have built together? We started when I had no money and worked together to become who we are today,” he said.
He explained that their relationship was founded on a shared belief that they could build a meaningful future together, even when they had little in material terms.
According to him, trust removes unnecessary suspicion and gives couples the confidence to pursue their individual ambitions without constantly having to defend themselves against unfounded accusations.
He also maintained that love should not be measured solely by material possessions or the financial status of a prospective spouse.
Recounting how their love story began, Monye said he met his wife through his younger sister, Pat, who was friends with Anwuli.
He explained that when he noticed his sister’s friend visiting their family home, he became interested in her and approached his sister to express his feelings.
“I was seeing a lady who used to visit our house with my younger sister, Pat. I told my sister that I was interested in her friend.
“There is a saying that if you show me your friend, I will know who you are. We were brought up by our parents in the Christian way, so our family friends were also well brought up.
“When my sister gave me the go-ahead to approach her friend, I believed she must be a good person. I spoke to her, and she agreed that we should try our luck,” he recalled.
That decision marked the beginning of a courtship that lasted five years before they eventually married.
Monye said the extended period gave them sufficient time to understand each other’s character, preferences, strengths and weaknesses before making the lifelong commitment.
He contrasted their experience with what he described as the increasing tendency among some young people to rush into relationships and marriage without adequately understanding their partners.
“These days, a man can meet someone on social media today, and the next day, they are married or become live-in lovers. That is why we have divorce cases everywhere.
“Courtship gives you the opportunity to understand the person you want to marry. During that period, you can identify red flags and investigate each other’s background. While the man is making enquiries, the woman should also be asking questions,” he said.
He maintained that courtship should not be treated as a mere formality or an opportunity to prepare for a wedding ceremony. Rather, it should be a period of honest assessment, during which intending couples determine whether they are genuinely compatible.
According to him, the process should involve not only the two individuals but also their families, who can provide guidance and make independent enquiries about the prospective partners.
Reflecting on their humble beginnings, Monye said his marriage was not built on wealth or the promise of immediate financial comfort.
At the time he began courting Anwuli, he was only a secondary school graduate with little material wealth. However, he said both of them believed in the possibility of building a better future through hard work, commitment and mutual support.
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“Marriage these days is based on money. When I was courting my wife, I was just a secondary school graduate with little to my name. I had nothing, but everything was based on agape love. Our relationship was unconditional,” he recalled.
He urged young people to look beyond the financial status of their prospective spouses and consider the character, values, commitment and potential of the people they intend to marry.
While acknowledging the importance of financial responsibility in marriage, he cautioned against making money the overriding consideration in choosing a life partner.
He also stressed the importance of investigating a prospective spouse’s family background, noting that the upbringing and values of the families involved can provide useful insight into the relationship.
“Some intending couples today pay insufficient attention to family background. They should look beyond outward appearances and financial considerations.
“While we were courting, our parents were also asking questions. That was why neither family opposed our marriage. They had conducted their own independent investigations,” he said.
He, however, maintained that parents should guide their children with advice rather than impose their preferences on them, stressing that the ultimate decision to marry should rest with the two individuals involved.
The couple’s relationship also offers an example of how partners can navigate differences in religious upbringing while building a shared family life. Monye disclosed that he was a committed Catholic when he met Anwuli, who was then a Baptist.
He said the difference in their religious backgrounds did not become an obstacle to their relationship. Instead, as they prepared for marriage, his wife underwent Catholic instructions and was subsequently received into the Catholic Church.
Following the solemnisation of their marriage, they began worshipping together as Catholics.
For Monye, their experience underscores the importance of understanding and addressing potential differences before marriage rather than allowing them to become sources of conflict after the union.
He urged intending couples to discuss important issues, including faith, family expectations and their plans for raising children, before taking the marital vows.
He also encouraged couples experiencing difficulties to cultivate patience, endurance, prayerfulness and trust, noting that every marriage requires effort and understanding to survive the inevitable challenges of life.
Beyond sustaining their relationship, Monye said raising and disciplining children requires the active participation of both parents.
He argued that the responsibility for a child’s upbringing should not be left to one parent while the other remains on the sidelines.
According to him, husbands and wives must agree on the principles guiding their children’s upbringing and work together to ensure consistency in discipline and family values.
“Children should not be regarded as the responsibility of only one parent. Both parents must understand the principles guiding their children’s upbringing and work together to ensure consistency.
“Parents must also be fair in treating their children. They should avoid creating divisions among them. To earn the respect of their children, couples should stop quarrelling in front of them. Maintaining a peaceful home where children can develop healthy relationships with one another is not negotiable,” he said.
He explained that disagreements between parents should be handled maturely and privately rather than allowed to undermine the emotional security of their children. He also stressed the importance of fairness, consistency and unity in parenting, noting that children are more likely to benefit when both parents present a common position on discipline and family values.
Reflecting on the present stage of their family life, Monye expressed satisfaction that their children were now adults that are capable of making independent decisions and distinguishing right from wrong.
He said that, having fulfilled much of their responsibility in raising the children, he and his wife were now expected to continue praying for them and trusting that the values instilled in them would guide their decisions.
“At this stage, my wife’s and my responsibility is largely to continue praying for them and trusting that the values we instilled during their upbringing will guide them,” he said.
For Anwuli, who also spoke during the anniversary celebration, the success of their marriage rests on love, tolerance, trust, faithfulness and the determination to protect the bond between husband and wife.
She agreed with her husband’s position that no marriage is perfect, adding that couples must recognise their differences and make conscious efforts to accommodate each other’s shortcomings.
According to her, marriage brings together two individuals from different family backgrounds who may have been raised with different values, habits and expectations. The ability to recognise and manage those differences, she said, is essential to maintaining peace in the home.
She also warned couples against allowing members of their extended families or other third parties to interfere unnecessarily in their marital disputes.
“Marriage is between two persons, husband and wife, as ordained by God. A man should leave his parents and take a wife, and they shall become one. Therefore, whatever God has joined together, no one should put asunder.
“Husband and wife should not involve their individual families in their disputes. Once a couple, especially the woman, does not cheat and both are doing their best, there is no problem that cannot be overcome.
“But once you begin involving your family or a third party in every disagreement, your marriage will start having problems,” she said.
Anwuli’s position was that couples should learn to resolve their differences through dialogue, patience and mutual understanding rather than allowing disagreements to escalate through outside interference.
She acknowledged that differences and disagreements were inevitable, even in a marriage that had lasted 50 years, but maintained that couples should be willing to make amends, forgive one another and give peace a chance.
“There is no marriage that is perfect, including mine. We should understand that we come from different family backgrounds and were not brought up in the same way. We must be able to make amends, tolerate each other’s faults and give peace a chance,” she said.
Beyond the reflections on their five decades together, the anniversary celebration was also an emotional family reunion for the couple.
Anwuli disclosed that two of their children travelled from the United Kingdom without informing them beforehand, turning the occasion into an unforgettable surprise.
Another child, based in Abuja, was aware of the plan but kept it secret from the couple.
The surprise, she said, was a testament to the bond of love and unity the family had nurtured over the years.
“Today, we are celebrating and are happy. Our children surprised us. Two of them came from the United Kingdom without telling us. They paid us a surprise visit to celebrate with us.
“The one in Abuja knew about their plans but did not tell us. This is how they were brought up. We raised them to be united in love.
“I am fulfilled today with what I am seeing. It was not easy raising them, but when we look back today, we say, ‘Thank you, Lord,’” she said.
She urged parents to work together in raising their children, investing in their education, character development and general well-being rather than leaving the responsibility to one partner.
According to her, the commitment parents make to their children’s upbringing can have lasting consequences for family unity and the relationships their children maintain as adults.
