That is, are we paying too much attention to grooming our daughters? Do their brothers endure this much searchlight? The fact being they don’t, is that the reason most of them turn out so bad? Specifically, for our little girls, should we insist on books or friends?
My perspective is different. It has always been. Daughter, Winnie, has thankfully gone on to prove me right and correct. Don’t worry, you shall soon get the full picture of the gist.
Do you remember the Nigeria-born, Nigeria-trained medical doctor, living and working in the United Kingdom, who in the heat of Covid-19 wrote on her Facebook page that if you die in UK Hospital, you were meant to die? In that post, she recounted how even consultants and other doctors readily played the role of nurses just to help out. She also wished it was possible to replicate that in her home country. Dr Udeme Umanah uses the Facebook name, Fab Awasi.
Three days ago, she threw another Facebook feast and great was the company that gathered to savour the intellectual delicacy. This writer was among them. Even before you read her entry, here’s my intervention: ‘Great stuff, Ma.
‘Alas, you must mix these things well. While I agree with everything you’ve said and done, I appeal that you introduce what I call the window of 5% flexibility. Allow her room with her friends, sometimes. The way this life is now wired, book is not everything.
‘Yes, Ma, I can say that again: Book is not everything, in Nigeria. How much do professors earn? How much does the least political office holder earn? How many first classers or top bookers are today honoured or recognised or rewarded or promoted or included in this country, like that?
‘In God’s Name, Dear Ma: please allow that girl make and grow with her GOOD friends. Insist though, she still studies hard. You never know whether when she grows up, all that shall matter would be friends not degree. After all, who has all the book ‘’epped?’’ right now in this country?’
That was my reaction to *Fab Awasi* who had written: ‘I had a discussion with my daughter this afternoon. She said she’s spending too much time in the library at school and she is worried she is going to lose her friends. Yesterday was one of her friends’ birthday and they wanted to go to a chicken shop after school. Apparently, her friend’s mother had given her some money to spend with her friends (a group of four).
‘My daughter asked if she could go. After thinking about it, I said nope. She came home straight up, after school. Unfortunately for her it looks like we are the type of parents that would do school drop off and pick up till they leave for university the way we are going.
‘Another thing, she is being moved to a higher set in school because she did so well in her assessments and she is not happy she will be leaving her friends and teachers. By this time, my head was about to scatter. You say what now? That is when I brought down the roof such that the little brother who was listening in started crying.
‘This is someone who says she wants to be an anaesthesiologist (new found ambition from nowhere). I say no wahala, I have explained the pathway to becoming one which includes medical school. I don’t know how you can get into medical school without being top set of your class and how you can be top set without loving books and the library!
‘I have told her she will need to be calming down with the friendship thing. I don’t even remember my primary school friends and I barely have friends from secondary or university sef. I have sat her down to watch Prof. Lisa Fairfax’s testimony for her friend, Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson during the United States of America Supreme Court confirmation hearing. You can be the friend that pulls up others to level up.
‘You should never allow yourself to be pulled down. At the end, it is your dream and vision. You have to run your race. Your friend may have a different ambition or is even yet to realise what she wants out of life.
‘She has to be okay with being alone. If her friends love her so much and want to be with her, they should join her in the library. If she leaves the library for gossip and small talks, well I have said my piece; I have done my part. We will keep talking.
‘I currently call myself NFA -No Future Ambition. When I had ambitions, I worked very hard. It is her turn to lay down on bricks. God help her.’
The responses did not rain, they poured. Here you are. *Osariemen Uwaila Ero* : ‘She is just being a kid her age. I think you can teach her to balance the two.
‘She can be ambitious and study and still have friends and a social life. Those two can happen at the same time. With her dad and you as her parents, she is good to go. She is in good hands.’
*Nsikak Inemesit Inyangukwo* : ‘Yes, but I have a few very successful friends who had books and the library as their companion. That is all they knew. Now, they are trying to catch up with what they missed in old age. Please, let her flex with her friends once in a while.’
*Mbakara Emem* : ‘You are doing great dear. I saw that bit of having her friends level up to her. That point I will use often at home. Now, that isn’t for her alone; it will help her friends too.
‘But, let her have a balance. Social life is very important. I have taken some very bad decisions. All because I didn’t know other than books.’
*Arit Isangedighi Udoakang* : ‘It’s the right thing to do and the intentional way to train. I remember my Mum literally using a saw to saw me away from one primary school sister that was always showing up for one outing or the other. Friends who lift will come in due season. Now is book time.’
*Ponmile Idowu Ajike* : ‘Very impressive! God will help her. God will see her through. She will be a blessing to her generation.’
*Oluwa-Victoria Uyoemem Ibia* : ‘When I became an adult, I realised my dad was probably scared raising me. He did everything he did from the place of love; including the restrictions. I pray for God’s help in raising mine. It’s wilder out there.’
*Usen Usen* : ‘Nice one, Chief. Assure and reassure her, every time. She will make new friends in the library. Friends come and go.’
*Caroline Modupe Ojesanmi* : ‘She deserves to study and play. May you be bestowed with more wisdom. There’s need to balance it for her. You’re doing well, Doc.’
*Nwa Amaka* : ‘Awesome! To hit the top, many times you have to be alone!’
*Gloria Ekaette Etekamba Umoren* : ‘Well done! You are my kind of mother!’
*Mmenyene Inyang* : ‘You are doing well. I’ve also learnt from this. Sometimes, the world makes us look like we are too strict, as if we should allow them to be a “little free”. No, I’ll stand my ground to make sure they become the best of the best.’
There are still so many reactions left. We hope to accommodate more next week. If you can, please also join the conversation by sharing your thoughts. God bless Nigeria!